Jeremy 1 – Rowan 0: Clarkson puts his foot down

TV’s outspoken presenter of motoring programmes, Jeremy Clarkson, has a set-to with the Archwizard of Cant today in the Sunday Times. Love him or hate him, you’ll enjoy the way he gets stuck into Rowan Dumbledore Williams and his super-rich outfit.

In a piece headed “Unhand my patio heater, archbishop”, Clarkson lays into Williams for telling us all to stop being greedy while he belongs to “one of the western world’s richest institutions”.

This very un-PC presenter goes on (no doubt with at least part of his tongue in his cheek):

As we huddle under a patio heater to stay warm while having a cigarette in the rain, his bishops are living in palatial splendour with banqueting halls, wondering where to invest the next billion.

And are the churches open at night as shelter for the homeless and the weak? No, they are locked lest someone should decide to redress the inequalities of western society by half-inching a candelabra and fencing it to buy Christmas presents for his kiddies.

Then we must ask how much old Rowan really understands about the implications and causes of global warming. He thinks that taking a holiday in Florida and driving a Range Rover caused the flooding in Tewkesbury this summer. But then he also believes it’s possible for a man to walk on water and feed a crowd of 5,000 with nothing more than a couple of sardines.

As you would expect of Clarkson, he knocks the idea that humankind is responsible for global warming, and gives us a few choice facts. He asks how many people a year have been killed by “greed-induced global warming” and says that even “the most swivel-eyed lunatic would be hard pressed to claim it’s more than a few dozen”.

Meanwhile, I reckon the number of people killed over the years by religious wars is around 809m. I tell you this, beardie. Many, many more people have died in the name of God than were killed in the name of Hitler.

From the Crusades to the assassination of Benazir Bhutto, he instances how religion has caused death over the centuries.

While some of us might take Clarkson more seriously if his argument were not so Church-versus-the-motor-car/patio-heater/anything-else-that-uses-up-resources (because, whether our actions cause global warming or not, non-renewable resources are used up and landfill sites expanded in our rush to consume, consume, consume), you can’t knock him for having a go at the sheer hypocrisy of church leaders, and you just want to write and congratulate him for his, “If, however, he [Williams] really wants to bring peace and stability to the world, if he really believes Britain can be a force for good and a shining beacon in troubled times, then I urge him to close the Church of England.”

We’ve given you the taster. Read the article. It’s worth the effort.