Praise the Lord and send more cash, suckers!

EVERY now and again a statistic leaps from a page or the computer screen that makes one rub one’s eyes in sheer disbelief.

This morning’s “WTF!? moment” comes via the Kenneth Copeland Ministries – (official motto: “Jesus is Lord”; unofficial motto: “Send more cash, suckers!”) .

We receive 6,000-7,000 letters per day, many of which have multiple prayer requests. Each request is individually read and prayed for several times. Here’s how it works: The mail is prayed over as it arrives every day. The requests then move through the ministry data centre where each letter is read and receives a response specific to the need. Each request is then viewed by three full-time intercessors. These intercessors pray every day over these requests.

And…? And nothing … nada – that’s it, folks.

You’d think that with all the cash that comes gushing in along with the prayer requests, KCM – which has a sizeable presence in the UK –would have the resources to analyse their prayer-to-letter-success rate, and proudly inform people on their oooh-so-sophisticated website precisely what proportion of prayers are actually answered.

Could I find such info?

Heck no, just endless requests for donations, and a cash-generating on-line store stocked with tacky, over-priced shite, including a book by Kenneth’s expensively-kitted-out spouse Gloria, called God’s Master Plan for Your Life.

Yet KCM, proud purveyor of something called the “prosperity Gospel” (“You Give, We Prosper”) insists:

Kenneth Copeland Ministries has been, and always will be, a ministry of integrity. Our ministry’s goal remains clear: to bring people around the world from the milk to the meat of the Word of God. We are committed to meeting this goal with the highest ethical standards.

Well, they would say that, wouldn’t they? – especially since KCM and five similar ministries run by televangelists have run into a wee spot of bother with someone who is currently probing into their finances.

That someone is Senator Charles E Grassley (Republican, Iowa). Grassley, who is the top Republican on the Finance Committee, is looking into whether celebrity preachers like the grinning huckster Copeland and the aptly-named Creflo Dollar abused their tax-exempt status by using proceeds to enrich themselves with luxury items like mansions, private jets, and fancy cars. (See background details here.)

And they are not happy.

Copeland went as far as to say that Grassley was aiming at him because of his Pentecostal doctrine – and suggested that the Devil was behind Grassley’s effort.

Actually, no! For years, these ministries have been the subject of complaints by US watchdog organisations and media reports alleging that these charismatic leaders have been living the life of Reilly on money cynically extracted from idiots, and this – and not Satan – is what has prompted the investigation.

Finally, a concise definition of the prosperity gospel, courtesy of Robert Paul Reyes:

A well-coiffed and designer-clad televangelist badgers his TV listeners to send him their hard-earned dollars so that God will in turn financially bless them.