Poor Vatican!

THE late George Carlin once famously observed that God “loves you … and he always needs money… He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all knowing, all wise, but he just can’t handle money!”.

Religion takes in billions of dollars, pays no taxes and always needs MORE money!

Well, we learn this week from this report that the Catholic Church now needs more dosh, because the credit crunch seems to have reached all the way to the Vatican.

Latest figures show that the Church ran into a $14.3-m deficit last year – the result mainly of the weak dollar.

American Catholics, sad, deluded fools that they are, are the second most generous givers to this ghastly organisation – last year collection plates in the States yielded more than $18-m – and one idiot anonymously gave a donation of over $14-m. The Germans are first in the generosity stakes.

But this, plus all the other cash clawed in from other parts of the world was not enough to stop the Vatican sliding into the red.

It cited the sharp drop in the exchange rate for the US dollar as being the main cause of the slide. The Vatican in Rome pays many of its expenses in euros, a currency which has soared against the dollar in recent years.

In 1981, Pope John Paul II ordered that the Vatican’s books be opened for inspection on an annual basis as part of his efforts to debunk the idea that the Vatican is rich.

Despite the deficit, the Vatican has not yet reached the point of having to tell Pope Ratzinger – he of the chi-chi red pumps, designer sunglasses and sumptuous, overblown frocks – that in future he will have to rummage for his drag in Oxfam charity shops.

What a shame!

How much money do we need? This much and more!

How much money do we need? This much and more!

5 responses to “Poor Vatican!”

  1. Pedantic Number says:

    I think the dollar figures like “$18-m” mean 18,000,000,000. This confused me a bit when I saw ‘$’, which made me think the article was written in US units, in which “million” means 1,000,000. But when I looked at the URL, I saw “.uk”. In the UK, that word means 1,000,000,000.

    Wanted to point that out so others wouldn’t be confused – “they only collected $18,000,000?!?!?!” $18,000,000,000 makes more sense.

    I can imagine if they only took in $18,000,000 in a year, they’d be just about out of business!

  2. Valdemar says:

    I would willingly sell my house and all its contents to help the Catholic Church.

    Only kidding. And plagiarising.

  3. Jeffrey says:

    I don’t really understand why the insulting phrase; “Americans, sad, deluded fools that they are,” is added into this article. Isn’t that a tad bit harsh? It sounds as if the author is insulting all Americans, even readers of this reputable periodical. Is it really necessary to insult all Americans, or was the American bashing phrase added because such comments about America just happen to be in vogue now in the media, and this otherwise ground breaking, provocative, Pulitzer Prize caliber author is powerless against the latest, shameless media trends? Hey, whatever sells, right? But wait, maybe this is just a poorly written article that leaves a lot to be misunderstood. Clear this up for me please; is it all Americans that are being insulted, or only those who donate to the Catholic Church? If the former is the case, I would like to remind you that the gentleman quoted in the introduction of the article, the only decent part of an otherwise bland article by the way, was a “sad, deluded,” foolish American. If all Americans are so foolish, sad, and deluded, maybe one shouldn’t borrow any of their nonsensical thoughts and ideas to prop up such a grand example of literary journalism. If the latter is the case, one should take a cue from Mr. Carlin and express their ideas with a little bit more clarity and skill.

    Jeffrey C.

    New York, USA.

  4. Barry Duke says:

    My abject apologies, Jeffrey C, and to every else offended by the insult.

    We certainly don’t think all American’s are sad, deluded fools; far from it – only those that contribute to the Catholic Church coffers.

    And, of course, those who hand over vast amounts of cash to money-grubbing televangelists. Also those fighting so hard to bring creationism or “intelligent design” into education.

    All the rest of you guys are OK by us.

    We appreciate you drawing our attention to this matter, and we have amended the post accordingly.

  5. bipolar2 says:

    A nation overwhelmingly god-fearing also overwhelmingly rejects modern evolutionary theory. Actually my fellow country-persons generally speaking are neither sad nor deluded. They lack the critical intelligence to be either. Generally, they are plain fools.

    ** Junk-food faith for a fat-head nation **

    America the free? Nonsense. I am an atheist, an anti-supernaturalist to be precise. Therefore, I belong to the most despised minority in the US. Why according to GHW Bush, I’m not fit to be a citizen.

    The US is still (barely) a secular state which has the misfortune of selective amnesia towards the political ideology of christo-fascism, named somewhat euphemistically, dominionism.

    The last thing I want to suffer is the so-called hope, faith, and charity of the xian majority. A perverse culture of bible-worshiping intolerance and hatred, ignorance and arrogance . Millions of fat-heads served every day with junk-food faith.

    The US is an aberration among developed nations in its affinity for religious enthusiasms and in its failure to accept now elementary basic truths like evolution via natural selection.

    To most Americans I proclaim that your “hour has come round at last.” And you thought that Revelation couldn’t have a secular interpretation?

    America’s ship of state is a ship of fools. The ancient Romans knew all about us. Necessity has already decreed: “those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make demented.”

    terra linda, ca usa