News

Good News for Christians about oral sex … oh and threesomes, buggery and masturbation!

WHILST regaling ourselves reading the comments on “Birdshit” Green’s online petition, we stumbled across this intriguing reaction from Malcolm Stinker (No 1,316):

I am appalled by some comments left on this website making out that Christians are a bunch of medieval reactionaries more interested in sticking our noses into other people’s sex lives than in leading good lives in Christ ourselves. Christians can and do live in today’s diverse society while having a modern attitude to sex and sexuality, so long as it is not contrary to the Bible – see the website www.sexinchrist.com.

If Stinker intended giving Green a coronary, this site might well have done it.

Take, for example, its conclusion on “Oral Sex in Christ”:

In summary, we can say that the Scripture supports and even encourages the act of oral sex between loving heterosexual partners. Moreover, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm) with the female partner consuming or swallowing the ejaculate. This prevents spilling seed, which is an affront to the Lord, and also provides spiritual benefit to the receiving partner. Oral sex has the added benefits of preventing unwanted pregnancies and helping couples satisfy their sexual urges while preserving their chastity until marriage. For these reasons, all Christian men and women should feel confident and comfortable including oral sex as part of their sexual life in accordance with God’s will.

What about anal sex? Fine, so long as it’s not of the homo variety:

Anal sex allows both partners to save the most intimate and powerful sexual act, that of face-to-face vaginal intercourse, for their mates in marriage. This type of sexual relationship represents the most powerful union between a man and a woman, and so it rightfully should be reserved for one’s life partner. Fortunately, you can engage in anal sex prior to marriage and still be able to share the deeper, more meaningful act of consecrated love through vaginal intercourse with your wedded spouse.

Anal sex is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it’s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid anal sex between a male and female.

In Masturbating for the Glory of God, Sex in Christ says:

God’s birthright to us is joy, happiness, and health, and there are few moments more joyous than the moment of orgasm. Therefore, every time we masturbate, we should say a prayer of gratitude, thanking the Lord for our bodies, for sexual pleasure, and for masturbation as a means of experiencing the bliss of orgasm. Remember also the many ways that masturbation helps keep us physically and spiritually healthy. Masturbation is truly a gift from God, and one that we should use with respect and righteousness to glorify Him.

In calling for “Christ-centred pornography”, Sex in Christ says:

Of course, there is little, if any adult entertainment currently on the market that … would be a good choice for Christians. That leads us to call for a new kind of porn – porn that upholds the Christian ethos. Christ-centred porn, made to be viewed by Christians and tailored to their unique needs. We challenge Christians in the adult industry (yes, they do exist – and you know who you are) to step up and truly walk their walk and live their faith by producing pornography that men and women of God can view without compromising their relationship with their Savior, or their relationship with their spouse.

Sex in Christ would certainly not approve of Passio, a newly-released gay porno DVD featuring a horny Jesus having it off with the disciples at The Last Supper!

Sex in Christ has no problems with threesomes either, so long as it involves only one man and two women:

Although two men having simultaneous sexual relations with one woman may not have any overt homosexual contact between them, the act of sharing a woman and being together in a sexual situation is nevertheless homoerotic and suggests implied homosexuality, as well as presenting a temptation to experiment where one may ordinarily not. For this reason, we feel it is best for a couple to avoid bringing another man into the picture.

Fisting? That’s OK too:

The act of fisting is physically challenging to perform, requiring patience on the part of the active partner, and relaxation on the part of the receiving partner. It cannot be rushed, and the two participants must communicate closely, with the fister carefully observing and attending to his partner’s comfort and limits, and the fistee directing her partner as to when to push forward and hold back as he works his hand into her. A Christian couple can use fisting to build trust and intimacy between them, as well as strengthening their relationship with the Lord.

Does God permit a woman to fist her husband? Oh yes, so long as:

The husband can assume a submissive and passive role during a sexual act, while afterward still maintaining his role as the spiritual head of the household and leader in the marriage.

All the sex acts covered in Sex in Christ are backed up by holy scripture. Take, for example, oral sex:

In Christian discussions concerning oral sex, the Song of Solomon is most frequently cited as an example of scriptural allusion to the act: Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. (Song of Solomon 2:3)

While the previous passage refers to fellatio, the following can be read as a metaphor for cunnilingus: Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits! (Song of Solomon 4:16)

The Song of Solomon urges lovers to eat and drink freely of one another’s bodies: I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (Song of Solomon 5:1) This reading of the scriptures portrays the act of oral sex as both natural, like eating, and a joyful expression of love, passion, and sexual sharing between a man and woman.

Is Sex in Christ another one of those fiendish funny anti-Christian parody sites?

You bet it is … and highly entertaining with it!

Meanwhile, “Birdshit”, who appears to have missed Passio (we would otherwise have heard his howls by now) has found something new to rail at – a newly-released, “tarty” Barbie in “bondage gear”.

5 responses to “Good News for Christians about oral sex … oh and threesomes, buggery and masturbation!”

  1. That’ll probably not work

  2. Michael Cohen says:

    Well thank fuck for that
    Now i can become a christian and give her one up the Wrong’un-I truly didn’t know that Jesus was so Broadminded-

  3. LF says:

    How come “spilling seed is an affront to the Lord” and “masturbation is truly a gift from God”?

  4. Barry Duke says:

    SexinChrist explains it thus:
    Many people are under the impression that the Bible specifically forbids masturbation. In reality, the Bible does not even mention masturbation. The story of Onan (Genesis 38:7-10) is always cited as an example of how God will punish masturbators; this is where we get the term “Onanism,” which refers to masturbation. However, the story of Onan has absolutely nothing to do with masturbating. After his brother died, Onan was commanded by God to impregnate his brother’s wife. Onan had sex with her, but defied God by pulling out before he ejaculated so she wouldn’t get pregnant. His seed spilled on the ground – due to coitus interruptus, not masturbation – but this detail became equated with masturbation by those who apparently had their own agenda.

  5. blacklotus says:

    OH my goodness… this is not right people. the marriage bed is undefiled, it says so in the bible. masturbation is wrong, because you serve ‘self’, you become a slave to your desires. the bible says if you cannot contain you should get married. the husband and wife then should satisfy each other, as the Bible puts it,defraud not each other, except for a time with mutual consent,so that you can give yourselves to fasting and prayer, then come together again, so that you will not be tempted for your lack of self control.