‘DON’T mess with the Muslims’ was the vainglorious coda to the bloodthirsty video message recorded by the quarterwit Tanvir Hussain shortly before he was arrested for his part in planning to detonate explosives on board an aeroplane, all of which you may have read about in your newspapers this last week.
‘Why ever not, Tanvir?’ we might have asked him gently. ‘Because, let’s face it, you’re absolutely f***ing useless at this Western-infidel cockroach carnage business. You couldn’t blow up a balloon. Mess with you? Mess with you? What would be the point?’
In what must rate as the funniest piece written following the conviction of Hussain and two of his cohorts on terrorism charges last week, the Spectator‘s Ron Liddle – in an article entitled Have we ever faced an enemy more stupid than Muslim terrorists? – declared:
The clown Hussain, star of of his very own suicide video, declared: 'Don't mess with the Muslims!'
Isn’t it about time Muslim terrorists rethought their strategy of recording glorious martyrdom videos, in advance of failing to blow anything up? Wouldn’t it be a bit less embarrassing for all concerned? Time after time we see these imbeciles on our television news promising all sorts of mayhem and misery, the righteous and cleansing fires of Allah poured down upon we imperialist decadent kafir scum, ‘body parts’ scattered in the streets, etc.
And then they forget to take a cigarette lighter with them to the airport, or the detonator doesn’t work, or they’re arrested buying 5,000 bottles of hydrogen peroxide from the local hairdresser’s shop and thus somehow arousing suspicion (just how blond do you want to be, Mohammed?). Or they can’t find a place to park, or they can’t light the fuse in their shoe, or they suddenly get the heeby-jeebies on a bus and run away.
He adds:
Have we ever, as a nation, faced an enemy more cowardly or more intellectually challenged? At least the IRA had a soupçon of strategic vision and had the good taste and sense not to brag about their atrocities in advance, on film — they just bragged about them afterwards, with the vague intimation of an apology. Also, they knew how to work explosives, how to make them go bang and kill innocent people — so credit where it’s due.
Well, said, Ron Liddle. These narcissistic adolescent halfwits, as you call them, are a joke. It’s about time we all learned to treat them as such.
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
September 15th, 2008 at 10:47 am
You can always count on The Spectator to tell the truth with a large dose of wit.
I actually laughed out loud at work when reading this. Got a few disapproving looks when they saw what I was reading hehe.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
As good a source of comedy that this site usually is, this kind of thing I don’t like. Muslim ‘martyrs’ DID succeed in slaughtering dozens of London commuters three years ago and I believe they will commit mass murder on British soil again, somehow, in my lifetime. For every group of two-bit copycat terrorists who couldn’t pass the entry exam for Bombing 101, there will be a very select few who do pull it off. Yes, I hope they keep handing over gift-wrapped evidence in the form of crude videos that lawyers can’t argue from black to white but, as far as the bigger picture goes, we must never substitute fear, our natural friend and protector, for gales of laughter.
September 15th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
really funny
expecially that one about blondie Mohammed
September 15th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
I’m all for stupid terrorists – they might blow themselves up. Indeed, I’d put money on a big bang in a jihadi garage happening in the next twelvemonth.
Stuart, you are right about the real risk from terrorism, but let’s remember that they WANT us to be afraid, to hate, to suppress freedom of thought and speech – to act like Saudis or Iranians, in fact.
September 15th, 2008 at 9:50 pm
“At least the IRA had a soupçon of strategic vision and … knew how to work explosives, how to make them go bang and kill innocent people”
This is the thing that never ceases to amaze me. After 30 years of dealing with real terrorists – not just in the UK but across Europe – who actually knew what they were doing, we are now supposed to abandon all of our liberties in the face of a bunch of loud, stupid thugs.
Sometimes I wonder who really is the idiot here.
September 16th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
Stuart, I am not sure that fear should be our natural friend. Wariness certainly, but fear is the very thing that terrorists want to spread.
Humour has always been one of our best weapons against the humourless. If you can’t take the p***s out of these people then what can you do?
Perhaps there should be a Suicide Bombers Top Ten based on how many people these retards actually kill? It could be like the cricket scores – out for a duck, no palace or virgins for this guy, just an old shack and a goat.
December 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 am
Im not been funny but its comments like the above than stir up hatred for the english people.
I mean humour and wit is one thing but comments like retardm blondie Muhammad etc displays the immaturity and evil that lies within you.
Grow up.
December 6th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Dear Fatima,
Today somebody made a joke at my expense.
I do NOT hate this person for doing so. Furthermore i do not think this person displays either “evil” or “immaturity”
why? sanity and rationality perhaps?
March 23rd, 2010 at 9:59 am
Fatima,
Why is Mohammed so above all and people can’t take the piss out of him? So he’s a prophet to you..who gives a crap…to the rest he’s a joke. Deal with it. There is nothing evil about joking or even as you say insulting your so called prophet…but killing people is evil!! How about you psychos grow a brain….ever heard of live and let live?