News

So, just how do you ‘toggle’ a Muslim?

FOLK really ought to read their blogs better before soliciting publicity for their products.

Time and again we are asked by some religious publishing house, or author, to put up a link, or post a review of a shameless work of Christian or Muslim propaganda.

These are systematically binned. I really don’t have the time to put these morons right.

But this one I have to share. Someone named Bouajani Mohamed Yassine  sent me the following email:

Salamoalaykom, I would contact you in order to present CAP. CAP is designed to toggle the Muslims who suffer from knee pain during the prayer … I would appreciate if you write an article on your blog.

I am mystified by phrase “toggle the Muslims”. Is this a euphemism of sorts?

A visit to the link provided revealed the writer of the email is a tad dyslexic – the CAP referred to is actually a PACâ„¢. And a PACâ„¢, when it’s at home, is a knee-pad designed specifically for magic-carpet people. pads

However, if you’re into gardening, or spend as much time as I do on my knees trying to make sense of the bolognaise of cables under my computers, TV and audio equipment, these things might have some use.

A pack of PACS™ (a snip at £25.00) will provide:

Protection for the upper end of the shin (tibia) which is put under strain when kneeling. This is particularly the case when repeatedly moving from the standing position to the kneeling position during the SOUJOUD.

The silicone gel, Epithelium 29â„¢, distributes the pressure evenly over the knee when kneeling. Thanks to its optimised adhesion, PACâ„¢ eliminates any friction or bruising of the skin. PAC soothes any pain when kneeling and avoids the build-up of calluses.

Warning: VERY IMPORTANT: Never use the kneepad over an open wound.

I imagine an open wound might occur if you were to approach a Muslim and surreptitiously toggle it.

28 responses to “So, just how do you ‘toggle’ a Muslim?”

  1. chrsbol says:

    I suppose when you see them rugbutting in the mosque they do look like the “pacman” game. Just need a laserblasterthingy now.Thought I’d get the first silly pun in before remy (love bob) gets here.

  2. Alun says:

    Are they able to deflect airstrikes?

  3. Non Euclidean says:

    Barry, I do hope you duly logged on to some gay websites and supplied their email address for some weekly newsletters!

  4. Wow! I actually really want those for gardening- do they toggle atheists, too?

  5. nullifidian says:

    The only way I can think of “toggle” being appropriate is if, instead of “rug-butters”, they consider themselves “rug-buttons”…

    No?

  6. remigius says:

    In engineering there is such a thing as a toggle joint. Webster’s Dictionary gives this definition –

    Toggle joint, an elbow or knee joint, consisting of two bars so connected that they may be brought quite or nearly into a straight line, and made to produce great endwise pressure, when any force is applied to bring them into this position.

    Looks like the gibbon was searching for a way to describe the human knee joint (articulatio genus) and used a mechanical term instead.

    Twat!

  7. Godless not gormless says:

    This is strange that they should need these things don’t you think? I mean, surely when god designed us all he would have taken into account the extra wear and tear that the knee joint would suffer during prayer and have made one suitable for this purpose.

    Maybe it’s time for the xtians to jump in and claim that this is proof that their god is the right one since they don’t seem to have a need for these things thus proving that in their case, he did indeed provide them with a suitable pair of prayer compatible knees. Unless, of course, they just grin and bear it, accepting it as part if their suffering for being a miserable unworthy sinner and look forward to being rewarded for their dedication in heaven.

    Alun,

    “Are they able to deflect airstrikes?”

    Nice one!

    Personal Failure,

    “do they toggle atheists, too?”

    Like it!

    nullifidian,

    “The only way I can think of “toggle” being appropriate is if, instead of “rug-butters”, they consider themselves “rug-buttons””

    I’ll get your coat. 😉

  8. hen says:

    @ Godless not gormless:
    Christians weren’t provided with prayer compatible knees, but were provided with cushion technology. These devices seem to be fitted to every pew I’ve seen.

    Perhaps a better device would be a magic carpet with built in cushion technology.

  9. Broga says:

    I wonder how much time they need off work from knackered knee joints? Is this a reasonable use of NHS resources to treat them?

    Doesn’t say much for their boss man that he can’t give them a freeby on the old knee problems while they are flattering him.

    What about back pain? That arse in the air posture does not see too terrific on the spine.

  10. Night says:

    Magic-carpet people?

    A tad racist are we being?

    That’s disgusting.

  11. TONY E says:

    Next they will be wearing padded head scarfs……….

  12. OnlyComment says:

    hahahahaha!!!
    fools!

    that is all.

  13. Godless not gormless says:

    Hen,

    You’re right. Many pews have padded kneelers but I remember when I was a young lad reluctantly attending mass that we had hard unpadded kneelers which were extremely uncomfortable. Maybe they were just uncomfortable to me though because god designs us all individually and knew I was going to abandon him at some point and so felt that prayer compatible knees would have been wasted on me.

    Instead, I got a brain which he obviously thought would have been wasted on any believers he was making.

    These were the good old days when the family had to split up on entering the church. Door on the left for the females, door on the right (of course) for the males. Females had to wear something on their heads and sit on the left hand side of the church and the men were forbidden to wear anything on their heads and had to sit on the right hand side.

    We had to abide strictly to these rules as god would undoubtedly have taken time out from running the universe to ensure that they were not transgressed. So much for religion keeping families together. We couldn’t even get to stay together to pray.

  14. Godless not gormless says:

    Broga,

    The only reasonable use of NHS time for treating these people would be if they were all given a little injection to put them out of their misery.

    Tony E,

    Let’s face it, what’s really required is to lock them all up in padded cells.

  15. Barry Duke says:

    @ Night: magic carpet people alludes to people of a certain RELIGIOUS persuasion. Poking fun at religion is hardly racist, and only an idiot would suggest otherwise.

  16. LD says:

    I wonder if these things also help with the knee-jerk outbursts we hear whenever muslims are supposedly offended…

  17. Stonyground says:

    Judging by his syntax I think that night must be channelling Yoda.

  18. Rozi says:

    God can’t be bothered to design humans with knees that don’t give out when they bend to give him praise? What a bastard!

  19. remigius says:

    Do they make a smaller version for the wrist?

  20. chrsbol says:

    I’m sure they’ve all got fairly thick wrists. I know I have!

  21. FrodoSaves says:

    Can you turn them off?

  22. remigius says:

    @FrodoSaves

    “Can you turn them off?”

    Do you mean muslims?

    If only we could.

  23. STM says:

    I agree with Night – “magic-carpet people” smacks of generalisation regarding the members of faith, all of whom are different. The inability to conceive of shades of grey, of differences in the attitudes and beliefs of individual members of any faith, is as backward as the fundamentalist belief that all non-fundamentalists are wicked and deserve to die.

  24. remigius says:

    STM. Bollocks.

    All muslims believe that a divine creator revealed a ‘truth’ to an illiterate paedophile on a flying horse. If they don’t believe this then they are not a muslim.

    Where is the generalisation?

    I think Night is well named. He displays a very obvious lack of enlightenment. And it looks like it is contagious.

  25. Godless not gormless says:

    Well said Remmy (I hope you don’t mind me using Bob’s pet name for you but I know you miss him and thought it might help). I Totally agree.

  26. nullifidian says:

    @ Godless not gormless

    I’ll get your coat.

    😉

  27. Godless not gormless says:

    nullifidian,

    You got me! Bet you’ve been waiting for that opportunity! 😉

  28. Ex Boyfriend says:

    If you want to hear a reader’s feedback 🙂 , I rate this article for four from five. Detailed info, but I just have to go to that damn google to find the missed bits. Thank you, anyway!