Wedding barminess – Muslim and Jewish-style
WE didn’t get round to blogging an item that got a lot of coverage this week – the walk-out from an East EndÂ Muslim wedding by Jim Fitzpatrick, Food, Farming and Environment Minister, who left a ceremony at London Muslim Centre, Whitechapel because he and his objected to being segregated at the event. Their decision to leave caused quite a kerfuffle.
You can read the Minister’s defence of his action here.
Anyway, reports about the Fitzpatricks coincided with a joke I received via e-mail from Suhail Ahmad about Jewish wedding barminess – and this being a quiet Sunday evening, I thought it would be fun to share it with you.
A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding meets with their rabbi for counselling.
The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks:
Rabbi, we realise it’s traditionÂ for men to danceÂ with men,and women to dance with women at the reception.Â But, we’d like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world.
Says the rabbi:
Absolutely not. It’s immodest. Men and women always dance separately.
So, after the ceremony I can’t even dance with my own wife?
“No,” answered the rabbi. “It’s forbidden.”
“Well, okay,” says the man,”What about sex? Can we finally have sex?”
“Of course!” replies the rabbi. “Sex is a mitzvah – a good thing within marriage – to have children!”
“What about different positions?” asks the man
“No problem,” says the rabbi “It’s a mitzvah!”
“Woman on top?” the man asks.
“Sure,” says the rabbi. “Go for it! It’s a mitzvah!”
“Sure! Another mitzvah!”
“On the kitchen table?”
“Yes, yes! A mitzvah!”
“Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porno video?”
“You may indeed. It’s all a mitzvah!”
“Can we do it standing up?”
“No!”thunders the rabbi.
“Why not?” asks the man.
“Could lead to dancing!”