YOU have until Monday to place a bid on the New Zealand auction site, Trademe, for a pair of nuisance ghosts held captive in vials of “holy water”.
But be prepared to fork out around NZ$2,000 (£920), as the demand for the bottled spirits appears quite high.
The phials containing the poltergeists
The seller, known only as Melvin S from Christchurch, claims the ghosts – one of an old man and the other a young girl – were captured in his house by a spiritualist after they had created havoc in his home prior to an exorcism. They switched lights on and off, turned on an electric kettle, and terrified the dog.
In his sales pitch, Melvin says:
One spirit we believe is a man by the name of Les Graham, managed to track down a photo. He died in the house in the 1920s. The other spirit came from when me and my partner stupidly did a Ouija board.
The second spirit is a little girl “who likes to move things”, he said.
Exorcist says she is very strong and if left will get stronger. We have had no activity since they were bottled on July 15, 2009, so I believe they are in the bottles.
He says the holy water has changed from clear to a blue colour since the spirits were bottled and “sort of puts them to sleep”.
To revive the spirit, I have been told that you pour into a little dish and let it evaporate into your house. I just want to get rid of them as they scare me. But someone might like these to play with.
He says the bottles are individually labelled.
The auction, according to this report, has turned into one of the site’s most popular attractions, so far drawing nearly 100,00 hits.
It has also provoked strong feelings from viewers, with one describing him as “absolutely sick” for selling someone’s family members.
Another warns Melvin S he risks eternal damnation.
To a doubter, he said:
All I can go on is the fact that the activity in my house has since gone. The ghosts were messing with me to the point where I could not sleep or eat, so I really just want these gone.
One prospective buyer asks what would happen if he poured the contents into a shot glass and drank them. Melvin replied:
I don’t know but you might have friends for life. Multiple personalities might haunt you.
Another viewer wants to know if the “beverages” contain any dangerous additives.
But the most sardonic comment comes from the person who said:
I have two spirits in bottles at home. I think they are called Jim Beam and the other is Johnny Walker.
Hat tip: PaulEd
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
March 6th, 2010 at 11:50 am
Someone ought to ask him if it’s screenwash or anti-freeze.
March 6th, 2010 at 12:34 pm
Or copper sulphate.
March 6th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
There is a sucker born every minute! Potential buyers only have the word of the seller to go by and of course the religious never lie! So some gullible prat buys this stuff and lets it evaporate in a house and predictably nothing happens; can the buyer sue?
March 6th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
And you thought homeopathy was crap! This raises the game. Better not tell Charles Windsor and his mum. She is said to have a footman cart around 60 bottles of homeopathic water in case she needs one. Let it be. I don’t know how she tells them apart either. However, bottled spooks? Irresistable for the Windsors, I’d say.
March 6th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
That’s hilarious. I read about a book recently published claiming the Vatican is a hotbed for satanists or something. The author interviewed some professional exorcist in Rome about it. It’s bizarre to me why people can believe this bunk (and be willing to pay for it).
March 6th, 2010 at 2:01 pm
I have one of those Poltergeister in my house. It is called husband.
March 6th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
Excellent! If you pour them on to a piece of toast, will a picture of Jesus appear? Reminds me of the the guy who sold his lottery numbers on eBay after being told the sequence by some sort of mystic. He made over £400.
It’s just the individual end of a whole kook sale business. Water sold with ‘energy resonance’, ‘quantum xxx’ (fill that one in yourself) etc.
Indeed, you rarely lose money by underestimating the stupidity of the buying public…
March 6th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
two grand for a bottle of spirits???, I doubt Lemmy would pay that for the finest bottle of Jack Daniels going, actually he probably would
.
But this whole buying ghosts thing reminds me of a book I finished recently called “Heart shaped box” which is about a rock star who buys a ghost over the internet, maybe some horseshit pedlar read that and stumbled onto a quick money making scam.
March 6th, 2010 at 4:43 pm
As we know homeopathy is a con, but as far as this is concerned if you are stupid enough to buy these ‘ghosts’ then you deserve whatever you get, or dont as the case maybe.
March 6th, 2010 at 6:18 pm
@rog This raises the gullibilty bar (or should that be lowers) to higher or lower levels than ever before. When the virgin Mary’s face appeared on scrambled egg and was sold for a crazy price, at least you could eat the egg. If these spooks are spirits why can’t they pass through the sides of the bottle? How does the buyer know he has got these particular spooks?
March 6th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Is holy water ever yellow? Because if it is, I think I have a bunch of it my toilet. And if it’s valueable, I deserve to know!!!!
And these illeged ghosts, are they really ghosts or clever demons pretending to be ghosts. If I buy them, will they disturb my sleep or drag my immortal soul to hell?
I have nothing against ghosts who move things. I bought one to take out my trash on Friday mornings, and the bastard walked into the light, which, of course invalidated our contract. I was pissed. (For you Brits, pissed is angry, not drunk). I’ve learned my lesson.
NeoWolfe
March 6th, 2010 at 9:47 pm
After reading James Randi’s books Flim Flam and The Faith Healers, my first thought was, what am I doing working at an honest job for honest pay when there are so many stupid people out there just desperate to part with their cash no matter how implausible the scam?
The problem is that despite being a vile immoral godless atheist, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. This is in spite of my feeling that if people are going to be that gullible they deserve to get ripped off. In any case, because I value truth so much, I am a really hopeless liar, I just don’t get any practice.
March 6th, 2010 at 10:48 pm
Well, well, well! My partner is from Christchurch and he is still laughing. Got to give them credit for ingenuity when it comes to making money. It made our day!
March 6th, 2010 at 11:55 pm
I swear, people will buy anything. If only I had no conscience I could be making millions….
March 7th, 2010 at 1:45 am
Well, I want to know how the spiritualist got the spirits into those tiny bottles in the first place. I mean, did he ask politely, please go inside those little bottles?
Now, if you watch that most highly accurate movie, The Ghostbusters, you’ll see the ghostbusting team used highly sensitive scientific instruments strapped to their backs in order to blast the ghosts into a tiny box. So, in the absence of any scientific equipment, how then did the spiritualist get the spirits into those tiny bottles?
I think the seller should be asking himself this question, as it’s a damn good one…
March 7th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
I would like to start the bidding at £1,000 for Elvis Presley, who I invited into my lounge during a seance in November 2007, and have kept in a Thermos flask ever since!
March 7th, 2010 at 11:11 pm
An old mate of mine tried to auction a piece of turf he grew in his back garden and pass it off as turf from the old Wembley.
I’ve always been skeptical of people claiming they have a piece of the Berlin wall since!
March 8th, 2010 at 1:16 am
Now you’re being stupid, Heather. We all know that Elvis is still alive!