THE Holy See has a chief exorcist – but he’s crap at his job.
Why? Because, if he were any good, he would by now have captured Beelzebub in a bottle, and sold him for mega-bucks on eBay, or some other online auction site.
Father Amorth
In what amounts to a major admission of failure, the demented old spook-chaser  – Father Gabriele Amorth, 85 – is reported today as saying that sex abuse scandals in the Roman Catholic Church are proof that that
The Devil is at work inside the Vatican.
Amorth – Â the Vatican’s chief exorcist for 25 years who claims to have he has dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession – said that the consequences of satanic infiltration included power struggles at the Vatican as well as:
Cardinals who do not believe in Jesus, and bishops who are linked to the Demon.
He added:
When one speaks of ‘the smoke of Satan’ [a phrase coined by Pope Paul VI in 1972] in the holy rooms, it is all true – including these latest stories of violence and paedophilia.
Amorth, who has just published Memoirs of an Exorcist, a series of interviews with the Vatican journalist Marco Tosatti, said that the attempt on the life of Pope John Paul II in 1981 had been the work of the Devil, as had an incident last Christmas when a mentally disturbed woman threw herself at Pope Benedict XVI at the start of Midnight Mass, pulling him to the ground.
But Father José Antonio Fortea Cucurull, a Rome-based exorcist, said that Amorth had “gone well beyond the evidence” in claiming that Satan had infiltrated the Vatican corridors.
Cardinals might be better or worse, but all have upright intentions and seek the glory of God.
Father Amorth told La Repubblica that the devil was:
Pure spirit, invisible. But he manifests himself with blasphemies and afflictions in the person he possesses. He can remain hidden, or speak in different languages, transform himself or appear to be agreeable. At times he makes fun of me.
Really! Why would he do that, we wonder?
He said it sometimes took six or seven of his assistants to hold down a possessed person. Those possessed often yelled and screamed and spat out nails or pieces of glass, which he kept in a bag.
Anything can come out of their mouths – finger-length pieces of iron, but also rose petals.
He said that hoped every diocese would eventually have a resident exorcist. Under Church Canon Law any priest can perform exorcisms, but in practice they are carried out by a chosen few trained in the rites.
Amorth was ordained in 1954 and became an official exorcist in 1986. In the past he has suggested that Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin were possessed by the Devil. He was among Vatican officials who warned that J K Rowling’s Harry Potter novels made a “false distinction between black and white magic”.
He approves, however, of the 1973 film The Exorcist, which although “exaggerated” offered a “substantially exact” picture of possession.
In 2001 he objected to the introduction of a new version of the exorcism rite, complaining that it dropped centuries-old prayers and was “a blunt sword” about which exorcists themselves had not been consulted. The Vatican said later that he and other exorcists could continue to use the old ritual.
He is the president of honour of the Association of Exorcists.
Among many of the amusing comments posted under The Times report was this one from Freethinker reader James Hazan, who wrote:
Father Amorth has just discovered that Satan resides in the Vatican. Where else would he make his home? – In a synagogue where he is not recognised?!
70,000 cases of demonic possession in 25 years, eh? Even if the good father was working through all the weekends with no holidays (which I’d somehow expect of a very holy man of god) that would be more than 7 cases a day. Do they have some sort of quality management with what they are doing?
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
March 10th, 2010 at 6:58 pm
“The Devil is at work inside the Vatican”.
I knew that. It’s called Ratzinger isn’t it?
His exorcist, Amorth, doesn’t half talk some drivel. Partly to justify his job I’m sure but also to maintain the religious mysticism that keeps the faithful in awe. He’s even blamed some of the abuse scandals on demons instead of good old fashioned perviness and criminality. Will a paedo priest have the gall to use that as a defence in court I wonder?
He’s not much of a wizard either. He’s been casting out evil for 25 years but the situation’s getting out of hand now. Time to let Ben Kenobi and Yoda have a go I think.
Have a look at the vid in this link. It pretty much sums up my attitude to a belief in beings from the “other side”, and psychic phenomena in general.
http://www.keepbusy.net/play.p.....awing-fail
March 10th, 2010 at 7:10 pm
Apparently if you read harry Potter books backwards there are subliminal messages in them, I’ve only read the first one though and it was pish so I couldn’t care less
I thought the catholic church kept quiet about this exorcism stuff but only hinted at it at certain times whenever they want to scare people into thinking satan himself was hiding down the toilet, I suppose with charlatans like Bob larson making a fast buck on exorcisms it was only a matter of time the catholic church upped their exorcisms too.
March 10th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Bit of good news then? Cardinals who do not believe in Jesus. This man is clinically crazy by any criteria other than the religious one. But he is still nuts.
March 10th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
As far as i am concerned it all went downhill after Father Lankester Merrin copped unfortunate one off Beelzebub
March 10th, 2010 at 9:39 pm
“The Devil is at work inside the Vatican” Er shouldn’t that be a load of old paedophiles are at work inside the Vatican? You’d think that with a chief ‘rat-catcher’ and the Pope and his chums having a hotline to their sky fairy, they wouldn’t have a problem.
March 10th, 2010 at 9:58 pm
The power of Christ compels him
March 10th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
Broga
The latest research shows 1 in 6 clergy don’t believe in any of it!
For those who remain dogmatic about the belief in a fictional character called Satan or Lucifer, it’s worth mentioning the similarities between these made up characters and the older so called deities like Linda Lucifera, Pan, Kronos & his roman equivalent (as well as more familiar sounding) Saturn.
March 10th, 2010 at 11:05 pm
I used to be a catholic until I reached the age of reason(twelve) and I am getting more and more ashamed of admitting that because of all this crap about exorcism and childabuse inside the Holy Church that is coming to light now. Although everyone knew all along the Pope was an idiot and the Devil doesn’t exist.
(I am Dutch and luckily escaped the groping fingers of lecherous priests.)
March 11th, 2010 at 12:14 am
I really believe Satan exists in the Catholic Church, and I think he’s selling Viagra to pedophile priests.
Since I was absolute devil as a child, I can ALMOST understand that after the medication and the counseling doesn’t work, parents want an exorcism, or a re-birthing. But, I consider myself lucky that I was not an Isrealite post Leviticus (wrongly credited to Moses) because they would have killed me rocks.
Not, that I have any agreement with religion, , its about eugenics, but three of my five have ADHD w/ODD and maybe my unruly ass should have been weeded out my ass before I passed it on in the genetic pool.
NeoWolfe
March 11th, 2010 at 12:24 am
Shit!!! That was lazy proofreading. Sorry.
March 11th, 2010 at 12:40 am
Isn’t it odd that in different times in different places, assault of authority, speaking in tongues, and what generally amounts to limited cerebral palsy have been identified as either possession by the holy spirit or the devil, seemingly capriciously at the whims of the clergy? I guess it mostly comes from whether the person is spouting the same claptrap as the clergyman present or whether they disagree with him. It seems many of their prophets were possessed by the holy spirit, even though they disagreed with the dogma of the time, but now that’s Shaitan’s work.
Doesn’t surprise most of us who realize the church for the power-hungry maniacal bastards they are, but I wonder what they think of the snake-handlers and pentacosts who “testify” and pass out due to the spirit of Jesus (what most of us recognize as heat exhaustion, oxygen deprivation, or overstimulation).
March 11th, 2010 at 4:51 am
“Cardinals might be better or worse, but all have upright intentions”
As the choirboys are all too well aware…
March 11th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Do you think Amorth and his chums really believe this nonsense? Or are they deliberately perpetuating the myth to maintain their power?
If it’s the former they are delusional and should be locked away in some mental institution. If it’s the latter they are liars and conmen and should be debarred from holding any kind of office.
Either way the world would be a better, saner. safer place without them.
March 11th, 2010 at 9:14 am
It’s Demon Infestation of the Colon!
Those same Demons Infest the Colon’s of Catholics, Scientologists, Homosexuals and Vegetarians.
The only way to get those Demons out is to get down to a Bible-believing church, pronto, and get yourself a Jesus enema!
March 11th, 2010 at 9:29 am
The catholic church is one of the oldest and most experienced spin doctors on the planet. Here is how I read it.
If Amorth is the vaticans alleged ‘expert’ on possession and states that the sex scandals are not the work of a bunch of paedos but satan, then surely he should know. And if the priests are, therefore, not accountable for their vile actions as they were possessed, then this leads to them, in the church’s eye, being innocent.
Also handy that satan cannot stand trial for his crimes…….
March 11th, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Really? The priest is merely saying that Satan is in us all. How many holocausts do we need to bring it home to us? How many madmen running around Africa hacking children to pieces with machetes? ‘Free Thinkers’ should give up the self-delusion that a force of evil does not exist or at least entertain the possibility that it does and that Catholic theology on the subject may indeed be more sinned against than sinning. X-rays are not felt or seen by any of us but they are still there… even for atheists. Bear in mind too that demonic possession is accepted as fact in some branches of psychiatry. The fact of it would not excuse personal responsibility of our willingly playing host to it any more than we can blame the effects of aloohol and the misbehaviour following from that on the chemical.
As for Rowling… “false distinction between white and black magic”? Makes perfect sense. Here is a woman who has persuaded the world that she is a saint, a genius, a philosopher and an expert in male psychology, a visionary no less; and a born story-teller to boot, even though she never had a brother or son, had never had a single literary idea of any account in her life until she was visited by a strange inspiration on a train and had never had a single thing published before she met her agent Christopher Little for the first time (we are told) after she finished her first ever book. That would seem to indicate a woman who is perfectly capable of making a rash and uninformed distinction between good and evil.
She and her agent Little are probably atheists which would certainly explain a lot and disbelievers in ‘evil’ which would explain everything.
Magic is not some airy-fairy misty concept any more than the Devil is. They are merely words we use to represent forces we cannot comprehend. The magic of advertizing that uses the media shows up in burgeoning bank accounts; not in scrap metal emanating from the mouths of media executives but in dollar bills emanating from their wallets. It is magic for all that, if we are to understand magic as getting people to believe manipulative lies in order to separate them from their earnings. Turning lies, whether they take the form of children’s fiction or politcal speeches or psycho-movies into dough, is sheer magic in my books,unless you have a better definition for it. Whether it be black or white? You would need to visit Iraq and ask the people who live there or wait a few more years and see what becomes of the kids who have been weaned on years of Harry-Potter-fantasia. Particularly those female children who think that if they hop on the right train they will get an idea that will turn them into billionaires overnight.
March 11th, 2010 at 3:58 pm
Father Amorth’s wearisome face features all the hallmarks of years of amphetamine abuse.
March 11th, 2010 at 7:38 pm
Satan it would seem does have his followers but they would appear to be harmless nutters or people who don’t really believe in Satan but find dancing around naked quite fun. They don’t seem to be forever hitting the news for having committed heinious crimes, meaning that they either haven’t committed any or they are just too clever to be found out.
Yahweh has his followers too, they hit the headlines constantly, having committed crimes, usually involving child abuse, rape, or grand theft. Freethought today, the journal of the US Freedom from Religion Foundation has three pages every two months that list dozens of such crimes.
Remind me again who the bad guy is, Satan or Yahweh?
The Daily Mash has a good take on this story by the way.
Oh and fellow freethinkers, try not to feed the troll!
March 11th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
“tony e” beat me to it. My first thought on reading this was that it must be a real load off the church’s shoulders, knowing that they’re not responsible for their own actions.
March 11th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
@ George White
Please, tell me what you had been smoking immediately before you wrote that post. Man, it must have been powerful stuff because you are talking absolute bollocks!
March 11th, 2010 at 11:36 pm
I bet the old guy has a Paul Daniels set. H better not snap the string on the pencil or they’ll be 7 yrs of bad luck!