[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5dFlBiKj5Y[/youtube]
THERE’S a deliciously funny response over at C J Werleman’s blog to a video in which mad Muslim cleric Muhammed Al-Munajid provides the faithful with an update on the current virgin situation in heaven.
Portly Muhammed Al-Munajid tells an interviewer that:
Black eyed virgins are beautiful white women, with black pupils and very white retinas, whose skin is so bright that it causes confusion.
The cleric adds:
They are all the same age, morally and physically beautiful…..each of them so beautiful that you can see the bone-marrow through the delicate flesh on their legs.
Bone marrow? What sort of turn-on is that?
More importantly, the virgins aren’t burdened by any of the impurities that plague earthly women.
The women of paradise are unblemished, menstruation free, free of faeces, urine, phlegm, and children, because Allah has cleaned them of all impure and foul things.
Werleman, author of God Hates You. Hate Him Back, tells the old loony:
I like the idea of a wife that doesn’t rip a fart as much as the next Mullah but your disgust of earthly women is an indictment against you as a human being, and further illuminates the misogyny contained within the pages of the Old Testament faiths.
Further, you have most likely helped recruit a further several dozen male virgin would-be suicide bombers with your promise of what takes place beyond the supernatural. This makes you an extremely dangerous individual, and I long for the day when religious zealots such as yourself are incarcerated for preaching such vulgarity.
And he asks:
What is the big deal with virgins anyway? I’ve had one sexual experience with a virgin – it was me and I was lousy. I can’t imagine the prospect of having sex with a 17-year-old version of myself to be too alluring albeit for the most sexually deprived, but I guess that’s the point, religion is carried forward by those with an unhealthy and unnatural fear of sexuality.
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
March 19th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Why are Muslims so afraid of women? The only way they appear able to cope is by complete control. This man’s fear of women’s physicality is so great that his imagination can only cope with women who are acquiescent anorexics with no physical functions, just a sort of pornographic functionality.
March 19th, 2010 at 9:43 am
Joe’s right! What kind of pathetic individual wants a relationship with this kind of person?
On a separate point, I’m no eye specialist, but I thought the retina was red because of the blood vessels needed to supply oxygen to the light-sensitive cells in the eye. Presumably with no blood vessels (“white”), they’d be blind as well. That would certainly stop them looking at other men.
March 19th, 2010 at 9:55 am
Bone Marrow, eh? For the production of blood cells, right?
So these virgins need to create new blood cells, obviously.
Why? Do their blood cells deteriorate? And if so, what happens to the old ones. In my case, they are filtered out by my kidneys and passed out as urine. Do these virgins store them up?
Or, as I think more likely the case, Muhammed Al-Munajid is such an idiot he doesn’t even know what bone marrow is for.
March 19th, 2010 at 10:11 am
The women of paradise are unblemished, menstruation free, free of faeces, urine, phlegm, and children, because Allah has cleaned them of all impure and foul things.
Allah(piss be upon him) has it wrong what he should remove are the credit cards.
March 19th, 2010 at 10:14 am
Hey, what do women get when they go up there, then?
chrissie
xxxx
March 19th, 2010 at 10:31 am
Two bonny black eyes. Sounds about par for the course.
March 19th, 2010 at 10:45 am
WHITE women? They usually live in the Western world, are kaffur, of loose morals and impure, in the eyes of certain muslims. Does this mean that the faithful are allowed a taste of the fruit that’s forbidden in life? We need independent confirmation in this matter; one cleric won’t do.
And I’m not the only not understanding what’s so exiting about virginity. Check out Billy Connolly’s opinion on YouTube, hilarious!!
March 19th, 2010 at 10:55 am
@Chrissie – apparently its a seeing to by a geezer with the sexual stamina of 100 men – so fine – if you are into that kind of thing but theres no mention of foreplay, or if he’s a considerate lover.
And – presumably black eyes.
March 19th, 2010 at 11:04 am
Women in Islamc heaven? Heavens, no!
All the virgins are MALE…
March 19th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Werleman has it right, the obsession with virgins is because these insecure fuckwits need a woman who has nothing to compare them to, no way of recognising the men’s stunted sexual development. Presumably the younger the virgins the better so as to make them easily manipulated.
March 19th, 2010 at 11:24 am
Beautiful white women – what have they got against their own skin colour?! Morbidly fascinating how for all the rabid attacks on Western culture by these lunatics, white skin is still perceived as the zenith of beauty; to obtain it, the ultimate goal.
I wonder how the cleric has come to terms with the fact that he came from something as foul and impure as a womb.
March 19th, 2010 at 11:38 am
So allah has purged the virgins of children along with their other “filth and impurities”. Leaving aside the thorny question of how virgins would be having children, the idea that children are “filth and impurity” clarifies a lot about islamic family relations, for instance how they can send their children off to carry out suicide attacks on perceived enemies. I wonder no more.
March 19th, 2010 at 11:43 am
This is nothing new to me, Barry. When I was an evangelical there were endless debates as to whether there would be “waste” in heaven (go figure), which the more prudish considered downright disgusting, and I guess there still are! Utter tosh!!
March 19th, 2010 at 11:51 am
Have a read of this – you’ll die laughing!
http://answers.yahoo.com/quest.....503AALCW1O
More here:
http://answers.yahoo.com/quest.....703AAuec8q
March 19th, 2010 at 11:51 am
The thing that always bothers me about these ‘virgins’ what happens to them once they are no longer virgins, do they get recycled? You know sort of born again virgins?
March 19th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
If ever anyone needed proof that the religulous are talking out of their arses, it’s stuff like this should do it. It is so transparently, pathetically the product of a fertive, sexually frustrated imagination that it beggars belief that anyone can take it seriously. Having said that, I guess if you have been brought up from birth being fed a diet of fantasy and fear you’ll swallow just about anything. Just like those virgins will, no doubt.
March 19th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
So how does this rug-butting imbecile know, has he been to heaven and returned? No, it is just more superstitious bollocks contrived by a dim-witted emotional cripple. Note that it is all about men, muslim women get the same rough deal in their heaven as they do in life.
A way to wind up the religious is ask where is this heaven, how will you recognise family and friends without your body, would a person born blind or with limbs missing be cured? Are there motorcycles in heaven if so where do you get the fuel? We know the answer because life after death only occurs in the minds of the credulous.
March 19th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
References to male virgins never fail to irritate me. The concept of a MAN capable of giving his legal owner a legitimate heir because he has never been implanted with usurper’s sperm that will one day mix with his owner’s to produce “bastard”, a child of many fathers, is absurd.
March 19th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
I think he’s been reading too much John Lange. Needs to get out more.
March 19th, 2010 at 3:36 pm
I will never understand why there are Muslim women who do not run for the hills the first chance they get. I mean really. Thanks for all the years of letting me beat you, rape you, force you to bear my children and in general take care of my every whim while being my property, but I’m gonna go get me some white wommens, who are also sickeningly translucent(HAWT!). It’s a pretty big slap in the face. And they should know, they spend a lifetime of literal slaps in the face.
Also, OH BOY! Virgins. So they’ll lay there and not know what to do…much like you, Mr. Totally sexually repressed culture. It’d be more interesting if they got 72 sluts. They’ve got some miles on them, but they’ll do stuff you haven’t even thought of.
March 19th, 2010 at 3:41 pm
How does this moron know about the virgins? Been there and came back??? Or is hearing voices??? You know what they call people who hear voices of invisible friends.
The ‘no menstruation and shit’ goes way back before islam. the fear of menstruation appears in many cultures and religions. And this fear of women is also very old, as THEY are the cause of all ills because if we are not born then we (souls) would still be in paradise. And everyone shoots the messenger.
All these superstitious crap enters religion thru ancient beliefs that science shows to be BS but is so ingrained in our belief systems that they ‘look normal’ to dimwitted ‘bearded fairy in the sky’ believers. And their ‘wishes’ for paradise.
Me- I want 100 experienced whores and 10000 bottles of Viagra!!!
March 19th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
I reckon the virgins will heal themselves after being deflowered by one of those sex-crazy suicide bombers. Isn’t there something in the bible like “Virgin, heal thyself” …. oh no, I just checked with my dictionary of quotations, it is “Physician, heal thyself”, but I think it probably applies to those ethereal girls, too.
March 19th, 2010 at 4:57 pm
Does the average muslims constant fear and hatred extend to women other than their wifes, ie are mothers and daughters regularly beaten also? Is any woman treated with respect in their society?
March 19th, 2010 at 6:05 pm
I think he picked ‘white women’ because of some deep seated need to denigrate white women the most.
March 19th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
These women reserved for suicide bombers sound like zombies.
White skin, strange eyes and translucent skin showing internal structures. They can keep them.
The clincher for me is that no mention was made of nagging. Maybe heaven is really hell and the semtex heads only find out when they arrive.
One more thing.
Does a married suicide murderer get his quota of virgins and how does his wife(s) feel about that?
March 19th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Angela K, “Are there motorcycles in Heaven?”
No, there are only motorcycles in Hell. The motorcycles in hell have the most astonishing performance and their handling is so superb that every rider can get a knee down. Their exhaust notes are sublime music, their chains and tyres never wear nor do they ever need to be serviced or maintained. The roads are a mixture of challenging bends and arrow like straights and the scenery is spectacular. There are no Nissan Micras being piloted by men in flat caps at fortyfive MPH. There are spectacular races where the winner is presented with a huge trophy by Satan himself and every rider gets to check into a luxurious hotel with a girl with a big bottom.
March 19th, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Stonyground, I quite like the hell you describe, especially if there are no speed cameras or plod to whinge about loud exhausts and small number plates!
March 19th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
I suspect the ‘white’ thing is related to pallor being indicative of a ‘refined’ upbringing (i.e. not working under the blazing sun.) I’m pretty sure the term ‘blue blood’ comes from the same idea – that veins show up blue under pale skin.
But the obsession with virginity is surely down to the commercial value of women as breeders. A father could get a better deal for his daughter if the prospective owner could be sure any off-spring were his own. Why that should translate to the putative afterlife where such issues would not apply is odd, but the bone marrow thing is just bat-shit insane.
May I suggest that anyone who hasn’t already done so reads ‘Does God Hate Women?’ by Benson and Stangroom? Probably the best general work on the subject.
March 19th, 2010 at 6:49 pm
Anyone here speak Arabic? So how do we know the translation is genuine?
March 19th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Girls who think their shit doesn’t stink, reminds me of a lot of women I’ve met. Allah might want to wisk them off to heaven for the benefit of suicide bombers, but good luck to them. They are also the ones who think that a diamond ring and a diamond necklace is barely payment enough for one night with their lazy vagina. The mindset: I’m pretty, I don’t have to work.
But, let’s not beat up the whores, bless their hearts. They’re not going to virgin heaven, they’re going into my dvd player.
NeoWolfe
March 19th, 2010 at 7:16 pm
“gay scientists discover Christian gene” check it at http://whosoever.org/blog/?p=206
March 19th, 2010 at 7:45 pm
That’s hilarious, harwood. As scientists search for the “gay” gene, which we all know must be there, gay scientists search for the “idiot gene”. Is there really a gene that compells you to turn on “Rush Limbaugh” on AM radio? Or watch Glen Beck? It may be more important to human survival, than viral vaccine. Curing humanity of stupidity, is it too much to hope for?
NeoWolfe
March 19th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
At least those of us who HAVE chosen the gay lifestyle can take comfort in the fact that the all-wise, all-merciful Allah has ensured a plentiful supply of young men in Paradise!
http://www.topix.com/forum/rel.....8RLNP9B3DG
March 19th, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Celestial virgins? Sounds like he’s describing the life-sized sex toys known as Real Dolls.
March 19th, 2010 at 8:38 pm
Angela K, Surely that goes without saying.
March 19th, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Well people
The proof of the pudding is in eating it.
You are sarcastic about Christianity (or Islam or any religion)
The question is do you envy religious people ’cause they have a goal.
While you are aimless.
Reconsider your lives.
March 19th, 2010 at 8:55 pm
Woah! Barriejohn. Please, please be careful, mate. As I’m sure you know, the fundies love to claim that homosexuality is a ‘lifestyle’ choice. So to say you have ‘chosen’ a gay lifestyle is just what the likes of Bob ‘insane daft twat’ Hutton want to hear.
I say this as a 100% hetro male who is looking out for friends with whom I clearly have an atheist rather than sexual affinty.
Hope you take this in the spirit of brotherhood with which it it was intended.
March 19th, 2010 at 9:11 pm
Why do these men feel the need to blow themselves up to get their hands on one of these virgins?There are plenty of these types here on earth-they are silent or only speak when you want them to,you can do whatever you like to them and they don’t have any of those awful impurities that women like myself have,you know women who have to carry that shameful burden of being alive.They’re called blow up dolls or if you are a litte more flush,fembots.
March 19th, 2010 at 9:41 pm
@ pipkin
Halal blow-up dolls? Halal sex toys? Could we corner a market here? Far be it from me to increase the stature of a religion, but if we could make some easy money off these bastards…
March 19th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
NeoWolfe: I believe you would find God, Jesus and the Bible: The Origin and Evolution of Religion, useful and informative. That is not a put-down. The same is true of every person on this planet, with the possible exception of Robert Price, Bart Ehrman, and a handful of others whose expertise equals my own. Suggesting that you buy my book would be self-serving. Rather, I invite you to ask Barry to forward an email to me in which you provide your regular-mail address so that I can mail you a complimentary CD-Rom containing my books as PDF files. No quid pro quo. I am confident that you will have no reason to comment on them unfavorably, but I acknowledge your inalienable right to do so. Any other reader of this site who cares to do so is invited to do likewise, provided the number of requests received does not become excessive.
I have several times corrected erroneous statements posted to this site. You are the only one who has expressed resentment at my doing so. That was my big reason for being less than polite. I have enough enemies in the form of Bob Hutton, Robert Turkel and Faux News. I do not need to add any nontheists to that list.
March 19th, 2010 at 10:27 pm
@Janstice: It’s been done. An Islamic MALE blow up doll called Mustafa Shag – complete with seven-inch penis and a big moustache – caused uproar among British Muslims a while back.
See:
http://freethinker.co.uk/2006/.....tafa-shag/
March 19th, 2010 at 10:30 pm
@janstince-i was going to suggest we get round the bone marrow bit by filling the dolls with dog biscuits-but i don’t think they’d go for that.
March 20th, 2010 at 1:39 am
I have been described as heavenly, was once virginal, suffered the occasional black eye and would relish the opportunity to spend five minutes with Muhammed Al-Munajid during which I might relieve myself of phlegm, urine and faeces whilst dancing on his fat, hairy face.
March 20th, 2010 at 2:48 am
harwood,
Will I ever be “ahead” until I call you some inappropriate derisive term? But, I don’t need enemies either, so I will put that coin in my wallet and save it for a later date. I gave Barry my address, and look forward to the arrival of the cd. I appreciate your generous offer.
NeoWolfe
March 20th, 2010 at 4:03 am
Let us not forget that this dishing out of women as sexual pleasure toys to men makes the all-mighty Allah is a pimp.
If Allah is supplying virgins to his male customers upon arrival in his paradise garden for reasons of sexual pleasure, this makes him a celestial pimp, (if his male costumers have a penis left after blowing themselves to pieces that is–or maybe he keeps spares to lend out in case of castration and de-penising problems?)
In other words, Allah keeps whores, albeit virgin ones, supposedly soon to not be virgins, in paradise. This makes the Islamic god a freaking brothel owner, pimp, and all round sleaze.
(I have nothing against sleaze by the way, but I’m only human. gods aren’t supposed to be brothel owners and pimps, but Allah sure as hell is…someone needs to point this out to these Islamic troglodytes. YOUR GOD IS A PIMP, Mohamed!)
March 20th, 2010 at 8:51 am
Mike, no I do not envy you at all. You only get one life mate, one, and then it is the end. The notion that you are still going to be alive after you are dead is utterly absurd and that does not change however much you wish it to be otherwise. The goal that you speak of does not exist, are you going to waste your one and only life chasing it? I don’t presume to tell you to reconsider your life, that is entirely up to you.
March 20th, 2010 at 9:38 am
Oh, dear, Marcus. I have just seen your comment, and I must apologize for leading you on! If you knew me well enough you would know that that was no “slip of the keyboard” – it was IRONY!! Of course I didn’t “choose the homosexual lifestyle” – it’s what THEY always say. Perhaps I should have put the offending words in quotation marks!
March 20th, 2010 at 9:43 am
According to the imams, Callisto, what is haram on earth will be halal in Paradise, which rather begs the question: why have all the prohibitions in the first place?
March 20th, 2010 at 11:53 am
Sorry, barriejohn. The irony bit was well and truly lost on me. (The bottle of red I’d polished off by that point may well have had something to do with it!) Hope I didn’t offend in any way.
March 20th, 2010 at 6:48 pm
White retinas, eh? So the light rays bounce off the retina instead of being absorbed by it? Which implies that the poor virgins’ photoreceptors aren’t triggered, which means the virgins can’t see…..
Nice bit of “intelligent design” there!
March 21st, 2010 at 9:19 am
These see thru dead virgin black eyed translucent women are getting me all flustered.
They sound like Sil from Species – she was gorgeous and see through too:
http://www.mainframe.cl/mf/ima.....ecies0.jpg
March 21st, 2010 at 1:43 pm
What on earth is “impure” about bodily fluids? Without them we would not be able to function; and who the ruddy hell put them there in the first place, if not Allllah?
On a lighter note, I hope he is providing plenty of lubricant in heaven, or there are going to be some VERY sore cocks there!
March 22nd, 2010 at 8:08 am
I have always wondered, actually, about these things;
do female suicide bombers get male virgins?
do child suicide bombers get baby virgins who grow with them?
do the virgins grow closed again every time – I mean, 72 isn’t many for all eternity
if the man is from one of those tribes who practice pharaonic incision, do the virgins get sewn up again every time so he can have the fun of cutting them open with a knife too?
March 22nd, 2010 at 11:42 am
My best guess as to what awaits the lucky Martyr when he gets to heaven is 70 18-45 year old males all playing World of Warcraft wearing Star Trek uniforms and conversing is Elvish.
May 20th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
If you have 72 women at your command, how can you have an adult, respectful, emotional, enriching relationship with ANY of them..?
Ah… I see now…
August 24th, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Allah just means GOD in Arabic that is it. When you guys make fun of Allah you make fun of god because ALLAH is the literal meaning in Arabic for god so stop being ignorant.