THE Christian Police Association woke up this week to unsettling news: they have competition in the form of the Pagan Police Association, which, we’re willing to bet, is by far the more jollier of the bunch.
As of yesterday, pagan police have the right to take their festivals as official holiday after their support group won formal recognition from the Home Office.
The Pagan Police Association was announced by co-founder PC Andy Pardy, who, when he is not patrolling the beat in Hertfordshire, is a heathen worshipper of Norse gods including Thor and Odin.
Said PC Pardy, who despite his interest in hammer-wielding Norse gods still speaks like a police officer giving evidence at a magistrate’s court:
As of May 2010 the Police Pagan Association officially received the support and endorsement of the Home Office and the National Policing Improvement Agency and is now a recognised Diversity Staff Support Association for serving and retired pagan police officers and staff in the United Kingdom.
Hundreds of druids and pagans celebrate the winter solstice at Stonehenge on December 22, 2009 in Wiltshire, England. (Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images Europe)
By allowing pagans to set up their own organisation, reports The Times, the Home Office has officially sanctioned a string of wicca and pagan-related holidays – including, naturally, the festival of lactating sheep. Thus, while their fellow officers are spending the summer at Center Parcs, or possibly jetting off to Florida, pagan officers will be drinking mead and dancing naked to celebrate the coming harvest.
The eight main festivals include:
• Samhain — On Hallow’een (October 31), pagans celebrate the dark winter half of the year by leaving food outside for the wandering dead, dressing up as ghosts and casting spells
• Imbolc — the festival of the lactating sheep held on February 2. Pagans pile stones on top of each other and make “priapic wands” to celebrate fertility
• Beltane — on April 30/May 1, pagan and Wicca worshippers celebrate the Sun god. In Celtic times it was an opportunity for unabashed sexuality and promiscuity
• Lammas — On July 31, pagans celebrate harvest time and go on country walks
• Yule — On December 21 pagans go door-to-door singing and burn a yule log to honour Kriss Kringle, the Germanic god of yule.
• Ostra — On March 21 pagans celebrate spring and heap praise on the Sun god
• Litha — or summer solstice. Members drink mead and dance naked to celebrate the harvest
• Mabon — pagans celebrate the autumn equinox with an outdoor feast.
Pagans, including druids, witches and shamans, will have to take their official religious festivals as holiday days, but each day is given the same respect as Christmas for Christians, Ramadan for Muslims and Passover for Jews.
Pagan officers will also be allowed to swear upon their own religion in court now, pledging to tell the truth not before God but by what “they hold sacred”.
One unscientific estimate suggests that there could be as many as 500 pagan officers in the country. In 2001 there were 31,000 pagans in the UK, according to the Office for National Statistics.
Said Pc Pardy:
The recognition of paganism is a slow process, but the progress is evident. Officers can, for the first time, apply for leave on the festival dates relevant to their path, and allow them to work on other dates such as Christmas which bear no relevance to them.
He added:
Pagans do not set themselves above or outside nature, but recognise their place within it. The Pagan Police Association understands and promotes our co-dependency with the Earth and therefore promotes the tenets of community and the pursuit of peace and prosperity.
One officer, who did not wish to be named, said:
When they talk about political correctness gone mad, this is exactly what they are talking about. I mean, what has it come to when a cop gets time off so he can sit about making spells or dance around the place drinking honey beer with a wand in his hand?
A Home Office spokesman said:
The Government wants a police service that reflects the diverse communities it serves.
Hat tip: Kevin Latham
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
May 10th, 2010 at 10:35 pm
Policemen celebrating fertility with their wands in their hands? What a lot of wankers!
May 10th, 2010 at 10:55 pm
I mean, what has it come to when a cop gets time off so he can sit about making spells or dance around the place drinking honey beer with a wand in his hand?
Right, because that’s so much different than a cop taking time off to ask his magic fairy to grant his wishes, and to drink the blood/eat the flesh of his zombie saviour.
May 10th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
Is a cop who dances round making spells any more bonkers than a cop who bows his head in church and drones the same mindless mantras every week?
One sounds more fun granted.
I’m all for equality – at least paganism is more indigenous to our island, and far more respectful of nature, rather than the ravening locust-like imported christianity, which sees the planet and all life on it as within their dominion to do with as they like.
May 10th, 2010 at 10:58 pm
I approve. Let’s see how the christians take this, I bet they denounce it as silly and then people can hold a mirror up and point out how undifferent they are.
May 10th, 2010 at 10:59 pm
“pagans celebrate the dark winter half of the year by leaving food outside for the wandering dead, dressing up as ghosts and casting spells” Ah! So it’s wandering ghosts and the dead throwing stones at my windows!
• Imbolc — the festival of the lactating sheep held on February 2. Pagans pile stones on top of each other and make “priapic wands†to celebrate fertility…No wonder there are never…”enough officers to attend you at the moment .” As I am constantly being told.
Beltane — on April 30/May 1, pagan and Wicca worshippers celebrate the Sun god. In Celtic times it was an opportunity for unabashed sexuality and promiscuity…So I was right, they are a right load of fuckers then!
• Lammas — On July 31, pagans celebrate harvest time and go on country walks…How nice.
Ostra — On March 21 pagans celebrate spring and heap praise on the Sun god…Page 3, I assume.
Litha — or summer solstice. Members drink mead and dance naked to celebrate the harvest…think I went to one of those parties!
Seriously, though, how on Earth are we supposed to think that a group of people who still believe in wood-fairies can make considered and logical judgements about crime?
Anyway, I’m off to get a bottle of Mead and a wand (ooh mrs) and I shall dance naked around my garden. If the boys in blue arrive I shall say I’m ‘In the force, may it be with you’. Nanoo Nanoo!
May 10th, 2010 at 11:26 pm
I can’t imagine P C George Dixon dancing naked, can you?
May 10th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
Ok, let’s now have the satanists, pastafarians & the jedi start demanding special priveliges. Maybe then they’ll realise just how ridiculous all this ‘diversity’ bullshit really is.
May 10th, 2010 at 11:45 pm
Well, as a taxpayer, it’s good to see the money is not being wasted….
May 10th, 2010 at 11:47 pm
maybe they could summon Thor to come and use his hammer to thump all the criminals
it’s a shame Thor isn’t real cos I like the idea of all the neds junkies and hooligans in my area getting chased by the norse god of thunder.
May 11th, 2010 at 1:09 am
Do atheists get any special holidays in the UK, to celebrate their deep and passionate disbelief? I’m sure the Beltane festival could be easily adapted as an atheist celebration,since a large proportion of the population already celebrate it on a more or less weekly basis.
The followers of Germanic gods seem to be celebrating mainly Celtic festivals.
May 11th, 2010 at 1:32 am
If this wasn’t a Monty Python episode it certainly should have been. I can see it now, John Cleese intoning (with almost straight face) …” The Government wants a police service that reflects the diverse communities it serves.:”….But then, I guess, nobody could actually make this up, could they?
May 11th, 2010 at 2:32 am
If the pagan police force is especially sexy I am all for the nekkid dancing and celebration of sexuality. If they’re all gross looking I’ll go with a “This is really silly, why don’t you just give everyone X number of personal days and they take them as they see fit? If they’re of a particular religion they can use them on those days. No particular religion or having no particular religion is neither favored nor penalized and if they have a religion with vastly more holidays than the allotted personal days, tough titties…you have a job to do. Got a problem with that? Take one of your personal days to make wishes to your sky fairy that he’ll deliver special treatment upon your choice of cult”
May 11th, 2010 at 8:51 am
This is good to see. I’m a humanist but I like all this pagan stuff (apart from human sacrifice, of course).
May 11th, 2010 at 9:11 am
I went out with a Wiccan for a while and I can thoroughly recommend it. Open minded, calm and meditative, didn’t let the pressures of daily life get to her, knew a huge amount about botany and the wildlife in the area. Didn’t believe in a creator/God as such – rather was partial to mentally thanking the sun – which indeed gave us life – and being respectful of “mother” earth.
Xtians could take a leaf out of her book.
Quite literally. And smoke it.
May 11th, 2010 at 9:51 am
I’ve always viewed the police as a mind control cult, and as a pagan myself I find this topic interesting from many angles.
My personal take on this is that it’s a piss take, a bit like the Jedi policemen. There are many shades of people who identify as pagan, you have the LAARP types who enjoy dressing up and making a nice spectacle (nothing wrong with that IMHO), then you have the trendies who became witches after watching charmed and the Harry Potter films, (nothing wrong with that either).
There are many other types I could describe and stereotype for you, but my point is really to say the term ‘pagan’ covers a very broad and diverse group of people, so it will be interesting indeed to see how this plays out. Though my suspicion is that the numbers of actual pagans in the police force are extremely low, so perhaps it will have little if any impact on anything of importance.
Though in conclusion I have to say, anything that gets up the noses of xtians is always going to get my vote.
May 11th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Non Euclidean, just because you dislike the idea of coppers prancing around a fire, please don’t automatically assume that you can brand all diversity matters as bullshit. Diversity isn’t all about the supernatural and there are many whose lives have been enhanced by this country’s embracing of it.
May 11th, 2010 at 11:18 am
Excellent news! The greater the number of recognised religious factions the smaller their individual power and the more they look ridiculous. I wonder if there are any teapot worshippers among our police force.
May 11th, 2010 at 11:38 am
No harm in is there? Unlike some of the other faiths.
As Shargraves said, it’s more natural than other imported nonsense. The others may laugh or criticise but they must know they’re on shaky ground as well.
People in glass houses and all that…….
http://nikkeefe.co.uk/wp-conte.....ligion.jpg
May 11th, 2010 at 12:04 pm
This isn’t a religion, these people are not believers.
It is just a hobby. It is fun. Prancing about naked!
Upsetting xtians and muslims alike.
That’s how I see it.
May 11th, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Well taking the piss is a great pagan tradition, and I agree the dancing around naked or clad in an unflattering bathrobe like Kevin Carlyon does have a strong element of pantomime. By far the vast majority of pagans that I know are very tolerant open minded individuals who don’t take offence very easily.
May 11th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
Just out of interest, wonder what PC Pardy swears on when he’s giving evidence in court? Can’t help thinking he’d come under pressure from superiors to do something ‘traditional’ in case he puts off the jury.
May 11th, 2010 at 2:09 pm
These people, on the contrary, don’t appear silly in the least!
http://acl.asn.au/images/anic-.....alters.jpg
May 11th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Reading that makes me want to play Baldur’s Gate again.
May 11th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Go for the eyes boo go for the eyes!
May 11th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Stuart, he swears on the same thing that atheists do. It’s called an affirmation.
May 11th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
When I was a Christian I never swore on the Bible (or anything else for that matter) because – surprise, surprise – Jesus forbade it!
May 11th, 2010 at 4:14 pm
If they are going to allow others to have separate associations for their hobbies then I cannot see the justification in disallowing pagans who want to follow their hobby. Perhaps it would be best if all these associations were to be discontinued and everyone told to practise their hobby at home, in their own time.
May 11th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Indeed Graham Martin-Royle, that would ideally be applied across the board – in every walk of life – in every nation on earth – in every religion.
And then the entire human race could have a crack at becoming civilised for once.
May 11th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
It is a shame that a site like this allows items with such poor journalism in them.
Anyone who does a reasonable amount of research into Paganism will know that the vast majority don’t go dancing about naked at the summer solstice or build piles of stones at Imbolc or burn logs in honour of a Kris Kringle on the winter solstice. Just three of the inaccuracies in the article above.
Anyone of any faith in the UK has been able to request time off for religious festivals using their annual leave for some time now.
And use of the affirmation is hardly new either.
Pagans do like a drink but no more than most and they do tend to be keen on environmental concerns. A few pagans are regular figures of media riducule but the vast majority are perfectly ordinary people in many walks of life.
May 11th, 2010 at 10:33 pm
I’m marrying a Pagan and I have found that most Pagans tend to be laid back, kind, open minded, intelligent, but some can be just as zealous and stupid as any other religious group (Wiccans especially).
I’ve met some mad fundamentalist pagans, but at least their festivals are more fun.
The one thing I respect them for is that most of them at least admit to, quote my fiance, ‘Making this shit up as they go along’.
Plus they’re better in the sack.
May 11th, 2010 at 11:24 pm
Just as well Freemasonry doesn’t have holidays. There’s hardly enough cops around at the best of times.
May 12th, 2010 at 2:16 am
Serai said:
“I’ve always viewed the police as a mind control cult, and as a pagan myself I find this topic interesting from many angles.
Ex-JW, and now you’re a pagan? Didn’t you learn anything? Or maybe you just want to do the frequent orgies. Can’t fault you for that.
Maybe I missed something, but, the threadhead didn’t mention the winter solstice, (well xmas was mentioned as a sidebar) and the burning of the yule log, when everyone gets laid all night long.
There you have it, with religious freedom, you get Jim Jones, Marshall Applewhite, Fred Phelps, and L. Ron Hubbard. And there is no legal way to stop them from spreading their poison until it’s too late. Las Vegas should be posting odds on how many innocent men, women and children must die before the gastropods in the legislature realize that the constitution is not “scripture.” It has been amended twenty seven times. And as our awareness broadens, the less relevent the opinions of revolutionaries two hundred years ago become.
They tried to stamp out religious oppression. And if you read a history book, it’s perfectly understandable. But, this is the age of science and reason, time to stamp out religion, altogether. It solves religious oppression as well. One less reason to hate each other.
NeoWolfe
May 12th, 2010 at 9:50 am
“Ex-JW, and now you’re a pagan? Didn’t you learn anything? Or maybe you just want to do the frequent orgies. Can’t fault you for that.”
Haha no I learned plenty from my time in the JW’s, my being a ‘pagan’ means many things, I learned that I do not subscribe to others definitions of my personal spirituality. I am an atheist in the Dawkins sense, I don’t believe in anyone elses god.
I don’t proselytise, if people ask about my beliefs I will talk about them if I feel inclined, but I don’t have a pressing need to see other people believe the same as me. Call me mad delusional or anything else if you like, but I enjoy my spirituality and without it my life would feel somewhat empty so I keep it.
Hahaha Orgies…
May 12th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Harry – the reason I ask is I know in the smaller court roooms it often happens they don’t have a copy of the affirmation handy. They had to go off and find one when I did a spot of jury service! This could have the effect of making you look like an awkward or dodgy character if you’re there giving evidence – not the best thing when courts aren’t always as far as they should be at the best of times.
I also read recently of a non-religious judge who’s made it something of a personal campaign to ensure the full range of oath cards was there before she started a day’s judging, because even in recent years it was common for court staff to just assume anyone who was in court was a zombie worshipper.
May 14th, 2010 at 2:49 am
Serai,
Ha, hah!!! I knew it. You’re not a pagan, you’re a freethinker. You know that religion is bullshit, but that doesn’t mean there is no designer, huh? The artist is judged by his artwork, and nature is a cruel, merciless machine. What do you make of that?
I’d tell you what I derive from that, but, BJohn is a bitch and doesn’t want me to air my opinions anymore.
NeoWolfe