WIKIPEDIA informs us that the “blessed” Pope Pius IX (13 May 1792 – 7 February 1878), born Giovanni Maria Mastai-Ferretti, was the longest reigning Pope in the Church’s history, serving from June 16, 1846 until his death, a period of nearly 32 years.
Oh, and he’s the geezer who established, as church dogma, the Immaculate Conception and papal infallibility .
Yeah, whatever.
What Wikipedia doesn’t tell us is that Pius’ “papal guard and faithful friend”, General Charles Charette, created a cologne to make the pontiff smell nice.
Eh? Best not to ask.
Anyway, while I was gauging religious reaction yesterday to the reports of the creation by researchers of the first synthetic cell I stumbled across a Catholic news site, which contained a banner ad for The Pope’s Cologne “a fresh new fragrance from the past”. Intrigued, I clicked on it.
Pope Pius IX and (inset) the Pope's Cologne
This is what I learned:
The Pope’s Cologne is a classic Old World cologne made from the private formula of Pope Pius IX (1792-1878). We obtained this formula from descendants of the commander of his Papal Guard and faithful friend, General Charles Charette. We have followed this complex, exclusive formula meticulously, using the same essential oils that his perfumers used 150 years ago.
We believe that we have succeeded in capturing the same fragrance that he and those around him enjoyed so long ago. This is a truly extraordinary cologne with surprising freshness and notes of violet and citrus. We are pleased that you will have the opportunity to enjoy this wonderful, historic fragrance. It is an honor for us to be able to produce it and make it available for your pleasure today.
“Us” is an American doctor called Fred Hass , who is producing the stuff by the gallon – it retails at $25.95 a bottle – in his Californian home with the help of his granddaughter.
According to this report, Jim Bretzke, professor and chairman of the department of theology and religious studies at the University of San Francisco, said of Pius IX:
I don’t think he was well liked. He was authoritarian, censorial. It was a struggle to have him beatified. Many thought he wasn’t sainthood material, including his biographer.
Aaah, but he smelled heavenly. And he did, in the end, get beatified.
Hass found the purported recipe about seven years ago in a limited-edition 1963 cookbook published in the United States. One night, after a few glasses of wine with friends, he decided to make the concoction in his kitchen.
The result caught everyone by surprise.
Said Hass’ cohort, Hank Sandbach of Sonoma:
It was very pleasant. To think, if you close your eyes you’re in the presence of the Pope. And if you splash a little on you get something even headier.
Which, of course, begs the question: what ingredients would be used to create Eau de Ratzinger?
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SOa9Ta44IQ[/youtube]
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
May 22nd, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Any old bile will do
May 22nd, 2010 at 11:23 pm
The main ingredient would be ‘essence of hypocrisy’.
By the way,researchers haven’t created the ‘first synthetic cell’,they replaced the DNA in an existing cell-an entire cell was not created from basic chemical compounds,that would be truly awesome. It’s not’test tube life’. So believers can take some comfort in the fact that scientists are not ‘playing God’,yet.
May 23rd, 2010 at 1:05 am
DICTIONARY OF CONTEMPORARY MYTHOLOGY (Booksurge, 2006), entries:
Papacy: The office of head Christian, which first came into existence in 384 CE when the current bishop of Rome, Siricius, claimed a hitherto non-existent primacy over the Christian church’s other four popes, the bishops of Antioch, Alexandria, Jerusalem, and Constantinople…….
papal bull: Appropriately named proclamation by the Head Christian.
papal infallibility: The doctrine that the Roman pope has a hotline to the absolute…. postulated in 1324, only to be denounced by the current pope, John XXII, as the work of the Christian devil. It was not raised again until 1870, when Pope Pius IX canonized it in defiance of the near-unanimous opinions of his cardinals and bishops……
passive conception: Doctrine of official Catholic dogma prior to 1869, that the detectable movement or quickening of a fetus in the fifth month of pregnancy constituted the moment at which the fetus became endowed with a soul……..
Pope Pius IX: Pope, 1846-1878, who reversed significant Catholic doctrines, and thereby acknowledged that church teaching for centuries had been false. In 1869 he repudiated the doctrine of passive conception, and declared that a human fetus is endowed with a soul at the instant of conception. And in 1870 he repudiated Pope John XXII’s declaration that the doctrine of papal infallibility was diabolic, and pronounced himself infallible. When the bishops of the Vatican Council indicated that an infallibility resolution would be defeated, Pius intimidated the seventy percent or more who opposed him into leaving Rome, and had the resolution passed by the few bishops who remained. For further details see Papal Sin: Structures of Deceit, by Gary Wills, NY 2000.
Syllabus of Errors: Document in which Pope Pius IX denounced freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, and freedom of conscience……..
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:05 am
For ratzinger? Slugs and snails and puppy dogs tails no doubt!
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:37 am
Eau de Ratzinger: top notes of misogyny and homophobia, covered up by incense, with just a hint of Zyklon B.
May 23rd, 2010 at 6:46 am
Yes, I am a gullible Catholic religiot.
I am in my eighties, but haven’t yet developed prostate trouble. I have to smell of wee somehow and this will do the trick.
Please rush me 4X bottles of Pope’s Cologne @ $29.95 each.
I enclose a check for $119.80.
Address:
Boy Puncher Georg Ratzinger
St. Peters Cathedral
Regensburg
Austria
May 23rd, 2010 at 6:59 am
@cognitive dissident
I get this image of Ratzi waving about that incense burner at mass, with its Zyklon B fumes stupefying the faithful.
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:36 am
I expect this stuff smells of young boys or contains essence of.
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:49 am
Pope Pius’s Purported Poncey Papal Pomade Produced by Perfumier
Thanks to Dr Harwood for those definitions: I was under the impression that Papal Bull was something entirely different!
May 23rd, 2010 at 11:13 am
Old Spite
May 23rd, 2010 at 11:19 am
I wonder if it will be strong enough to cover
the stench coming from the vatican?
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:00 pm
No, Ivan – Brute!
May 23rd, 2010 at 5:09 pm
@barriejohn
Brut.
That takes me back to when ‘Enery Cooper and (I think) Kevin Keegan used to tell us to splash it all over. I think it overpowered the ladies rather than attracted them.
May 23rd, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Before my time, Broadsword!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf-4Gbqyni4
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:55 pm
Motorcycle ace Barry Sheen used to advertise Brut. Allegedly, one of Sheen’s school reports stated that he needed to learn that the world does not revolve around motorcycles and thinking that it does will not earn him a living.
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:48 pm
Your wish is my command, Stony! (Good job ‘Enery didn’t take up acting!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5tLfiu7an4
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:57 pm
I wonder whether the current Roman Catholic hierarchy might like to endorse THIS one?
http://www.yancor.de/images/ProductImages/3284.jpg
Yes – it really is called UOMO!
May 23rd, 2010 at 11:27 pm
I was listening to an article on Radio Wales a while ago where they interviewed a man involved in the cosmetics industry. According to him, there is no fragrance that can be classified as masculine or feminine. It only becomes one or the other after the marketing people have told us what to think.
That rings true, but I will admit I use my wife’s anti-perspirant if it’s closest, I’m past caring what other people think.
It’s like eating some flavours of crisps, you don’t know what it’s supposed to be unless you read the label.
May 24th, 2010 at 9:49 am
Harwood quoted the DICTIONARY OF CONTEMPORARY MYTHOLOGY. You see, that’s what I was talking about, not 25 pages of bibliography, just some authentication of your statement of fact.
As for the infallibility of the pope, here’s a quote from wiki, but, let’s be honest, it’s not the Encyclopedia Britanica. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papal_infallibility
NeoWolfe
May 24th, 2010 at 10:03 am
To misquote Lewis Carroll: “I am infallible when I say that I am infallible, neither more nor less.”