THOSE smart cookies over at Ranker.com have created a Top Ten Comic Book Gods Worth Worshipping in response to the news this week that the world’s loopiest Christians – members of the Westboro Batshit Church in Topeka, Kansas – are to turn their wrath this week on a comic book convention in San Diego.
The extremist Baptist sect – best known for their comical God Hates Fags demos – have convinced themselves that God also hates comic book enthusiasts, or “nerds” as they insist on calling ‘em, and they are taking a message to the San Diego Comic-Con 2010:
They [the organisers? The fans?] have turned comic book characters into idols, and worship them they do!
Isaiah 2:8 Their land also is full of idols; they worship the work of their own hands, that which their own fingers have made: 9 And the mean man boweth down, and the great man humbleth himself: therefore forgive them not. It is time to put away the silly vanities and turn to God like you mean it. The destruction of this nation is imminent – so start calling on Batman and Superman now, see if they can pull you from the mess that you have created with all your silly idolatry.
Rich Johnston, over at the Bleeding Cool blog, says he is:
A committed Christian deeply offended by these morons.
And he suggests a counter-demonstration with folk waving “Superman Loves Fags” banners, or
Maybe have a bunch of Darth Vaders and Stormtroopers with placards reading I find your lack of faith … disturbing.
Incidentally, one of the gods on Ranker’s list is Jeeeehovah himself:
Yes, THE God. The Judeo Christian God himself is an actual character in DC Comics mythology. The Spectre is his Spirit of Vengeance, after all, spreading his angry wrath to sinners of all shapes and sizes. The angel Zauriel, formerly of the Justice League of America, is a member of God’s Eagle Host of guardian angels in Heaven.
We never actually see this version of God in any DC books, no doubt to not piss off many of their more religious fans, but he (or she?) occasionally shows up as a booming voice from the heavens, kind of like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.So the Westboro Baptist Church can calm down, now, right? Or does this also count as idol worship? Hmmm…
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
July 19th, 2010 at 9:57 pm
Our Superhero which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy batmobile
Thy Wonderwoman come
And thy plots be done
In Metropolis as in Gotham City
Give us today our daily Hulk,
And forgive us our Spiderman
As we forgive those who have webbed against us
Lead us not into kryptonite but deliver us from the Joker
For thine is the Thingdom
The Power Rangers and the story
For DC and Marvell,
Xmen
July 19th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
It’s hatred, Jim, but not as we know it.
July 19th, 2010 at 11:01 pm
Of course, hatred of comics goes back a long way. I remember – perhaps in the late 50′s? – a tract complaining about the sex hidden away in comics’ illustrations. I remember one frame, blown up with a ring added circling a Y shaped bit on some hunk’s shoulder muscles. It was damned as being part of a naked lady, slipped in to corrupt the young. Pillocks.
July 19th, 2010 at 11:33 pm
I think a few verses of “Old Time Religion” would be in order, and since I first learned about the alternate version from Larry Niven’s “Dream Park”, here’s a suitable one:
To the tune of Handel’s “Largo”
We will hymn the gods of Cargo
‘Til they slap on an embargo
And that’s good enough for me!
For more see: http://www.sacred-texts.com/bos/bos527.htm
July 20th, 2010 at 12:11 am
The crucial difference between nerds/geeks/fanboys/fangirls and West boro nut-jobs, is that (even in the case of the most intense fanboy), most don’t actually believe their fantasy characters exist.
Incidentally, anyone else want to join my religion? We worship the Doctor as a deity? It’s fun, we wear scarves, celery, loud coats, converses, bow ties and eat jellybabies all day long.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:00 am
@ brian Jordan
do a search about “the gorbals vampire” it was a case which happened in the 60s were kids in Glasgow were tooling themselves up with weapons and going into a cemetery to look for a vampire with iron fangs who they believed had killed a child, there was a furore and it led to so called “American horror comics” being banned and censored in Britain, it’s quite an interesting story.
But yeah it would surprise me that the westboro baptist twats would have a go at “nerds” as people who are labelled as nerds tend to be creative and intelligent and there is nothing more terrifying to an extremist bible thumper than creativity and intelligence.
I always look forward to comicon to see what cool movies are coming out and to see if any video game announcements that weren’t made at E3 are made *crosses fingers for GTA 5 announcement*
July 20th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Sounds like an excellent opportunity for xian baiting to me. If the Baptists turn up in San Diego all that is necessary is to have them accompanied at all times by comic book characters. Maybe Fred Phelps will have to conduct his demo alongside the following:
Batman
Judge Dredd
Superman
Spiderman
Hulk
Fantastic Four
Silver Surfer
Wonder Woman
Pedo Bear for good measure.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:55 am
@Rozi
I would join your religion but I fear a schism.
Jon Pertwee or Tom Baker?
Pat Condell has a new vid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....ure=digest
July 20th, 2010 at 3:32 am
Pertwee is the only True Doctor. The others should properly called Locums.
July 20th, 2010 at 6:12 am
Locums! Awesome – though its Tom Baker for me!
As for the Phelps lunacy, theres an article doing the rounds that I thought was interesting, I’m not entirely convinced, as it sounds more like he’s trying to excuse religion from playing a part in their psychosis!
But its about them being litigious fraudsters.
http://kanewj.com/wbc/
July 20th, 2010 at 8:26 am
Agreed with Tom Baker.
Also, what’s wrong with some counter-posters proclaiming the same beliefs as WBC but from comic book villains? Doc Ock Hates Fags etcetc?
July 20th, 2010 at 8:48 am
Hmm… “Judge Death hates fags”. You could be on to something here Harry.
July 20th, 2010 at 9:04 am
“Gaze into the fist of God”?
July 20th, 2010 at 9:08 am
I’m a litte Poe’d here…
Is that sign real or is it a piss take?
July 20th, 2010 at 9:55 am
@David McNerney
I dunno. There appears to be a nerd holding it.
July 20th, 2010 at 10:00 am
‘God is all loving’, I was taught. Considering that to be the case, he seems to hate a lot of people, or perhaps his followers don’t actually understand the religion they profess.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:42 am
I’ve just come across this one – by pure coincidence again!
http://vetocorleone.com/files/2009/08/sign.jpg
July 20th, 2010 at 12:37 pm
Wouldn’t it be nice if someone stood outside their ‘church’ with a GOD HATES PHELPS banner. I would lay money on how quick they would be to call in the police for religious hatred.
I believe a branch of the Hells Angels, or similar, now protect families from these scum at servicemen and women’s funerals.
And there is the irony, in that ‘Hells Angels’ seek to protect innocent people from the evil hatred of christians.
You could not make it up.
July 20th, 2010 at 12:55 pm
There you go, tony.
There’s a YouTube vid of them:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related
July 20th, 2010 at 1:00 pm
Eh? Romans 9:13 reads
“As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated.”
So “God hates Esau” would appear to be nearer the mark.
Surely a more anti-intellectual verse would be
“I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate” (Isaiah 29:14; 1 Corinthians 1:19).
Well, thanks God – that’s very… erm… reasonable of you.
July 20th, 2010 at 1:09 pm
The geek shall inherit the Earth! (Sorry…)
July 20th, 2010 at 1:12 pm
This is actually pure Calvinism. God chose before time began whom he would love and whom he would hate: who would go to Heaven and who would go to Hell; and Christians just preach “the truth” to increase the condemnation of the damned. Nice, isn’t it?
July 20th, 2010 at 1:30 pm
@ stargraves
That’s a really interesting article you linked to. I wonder just how much money these crooks have actually made out of their provocative insults and inflammatory hatred?
July 20th, 2010 at 1:43 pm
Marcus
Still alive then?
It must be thanks to your David Icke turquoise shellsuit deflecting all those negative vibrations.
July 20th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
That article is certainly interesting, but when his only piece of evidence is “They probably file a load of civil rights violation lawsuits” I’m afraid that I remain unconvinced as well! If he’s such a newshound then why isn’t he out finding the evidence to support his claims? My guess is that they study the law so closely so that they can continue their nefarious activities knowing that no one can lay a finger upon them legally.
July 20th, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Broadsword
Ha, ha! Yep, still alive and kicking. What a posse of arrogant, intransigent, self-righteous xtian gobshites go on that forum. I suppose it doesn’t help much that I invariably go on there half pissed on a Saturday night, spoiling for an argument, and end up being just as belligerent and disrespectful as they are. Sadly, the whole thing is an exercise in utter futility, so I’ve promised myself I’ll refrain from now on as I’m sure it isn’t good for my blood pressure. (By the way, for the record it’s actually a David Icke mother-of-pearl shellsuit.)
July 20th, 2010 at 4:25 pm
@Broadsword,
Many thanks for the link, had a wee bit of a problem initially, but got there in the end.
tony e
July 20th, 2010 at 6:32 pm
I’ve looked at David Ickes forum as well, his followers are even crazier than he is :O
And some are blatantly a bunch of nazi bastards claiming that the holocaust was fake and reffering to it as the “holohoax” they could give nick griffin a run for his money.
but getting back on topic isn’t there some massive spectacular prank or something that can be done to the westboro baptist church or some way to have a go at them that they won’t see coming from a mile off cos you can’t debate or reason with these nutjobs and it only gives them more publicity so why not do something spectacular to make them look like even bigger tits and have a laugh at their expense, it’s a shame there is no real spider man to turn up at comicon and websling the lot of them
On the subject of comicon some news on the next Ridley scott directed installment in the aliens franchise would be ace (yes I’m a geek
)
July 20th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
What a sad life Phelps and his family must lead. Normal well adjusted people don’t spend their time thinking up new reasons to hate people and then going out to let every one know who they hate with placards.
Interestingly, all of their actions are entirely justified by the Bible, God does specifically hate gay people and rival objects of worship. God also has a proven track record of killing people at random in revenge for some one else pissing him off. You only need to adopt a Biblical worldview for the WBC’s insane behaviour to make perfect sense.
July 20th, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Given his age, I doubt Phelps will be around much longer. Maybe his family and followers will get a taste of their own medicine as they try to grieve at his funeral.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:03 pm
They’re little more than comic relief these days.
July 20th, 2010 at 11:10 pm
Broadsword – I’ll join you for that. Just make sure all the paperwork is filled out in advance. And, late at night afterwards, while we’re all drunk and singing about how the world is a better place, let’s go piss on his grave and dance on his corpse!
July 20th, 2010 at 11:56 pm
@Janstince
Maybe a mardi gras could be organised that, just by coincidence, happened close to the funeral.
July 21st, 2010 at 1:30 am
@Harry
Christ – you remember that as well! Though if I recall, it was Judge Fear that Dredd clocked.
Damn I’m old.
July 21st, 2010 at 4:51 am
there four dark Judges in the world of judge dredd, fire fear and mortis and they were led by judge death, my cousins were comics daft and had the first ever 2000 AD
July 21st, 2010 at 6:34 am
@Harry/ZombieHunter
I can imagine Judge Death placing his skeletal hand on Phelps’ chest.
“The crime isss life.
The sentence isss death……!”
My brother is a 2000AD nerd. He literally has stacks of them.
July 21st, 2010 at 7:57 am
@Broadsword
I reckon Judge Mortis has already beaten him to it. (I thought Mortis was seriously disgusting BTW)
July 21st, 2010 at 8:20 am
MrGronk
I should’ve included you alongside Harry/Zombie in my piece about J. Death. I’m so used to reading your name on this blog its significance didn’t occur to me.
July 21st, 2010 at 10:01 am
Heretics!
Patrick Troughton, as any fule kno.
July 21st, 2010 at 11:34 pm
Don’t forget that this is a total of about 6 people. They don’t have any actual followers, it’s just family.
July 22nd, 2010 at 2:28 am
@Broadsword
No offence taken mate
@Ophelia
Have you seen Louis Theroux’s documentary on the WBC? Grim – made me almost despair of humanity. There’s well more than 6 of them when in-laws and weird hangers-on are added in.
July 22nd, 2010 at 3:15 pm
WWAWD?
What would Adam Warlock do? Frankly, give me the Infinity Gauntlet, or even just the soul gem, and I’ll show Phelps what damnation looks like.
P.S. I know it’s not great as crossovers go, but it’s got all the oldies and goodies, Galactus gets a big role, and it’s fun for fluff.