FROM the sleepy Cambridgeshire village of Swavesey comes a report that a barminess of “born again” Christians descended last weekend on a 30-acre field to share the gospel of Jesus Christ – but wound up annoying the locals who were left stunned by the sheer number of god-botherers who swamped the area.
According to this report, the arrival of an estimated 200 caravans, carrying around 1,000 Bible-thumping travellers and gipsies for a six-day Light and Life Gipsy Church Festival, upset many locals, with some hiding in their homes, a landlord shutting his pub to outsiders, and a shopkeeper complaining of thefts from shelves.
Furious Swavesey Parish Council chairman Martin Johnson thundered:
We have been told some of the children have been stealing from shops like the newsagents and making some of the shoppers nervous. The owner of the White Horse pub has locked his doors because underage people are trying to get in.
The White Horse Inn had put up a sign saying “Regulars, locals and members only” – provoking complaints from the travelling faith-heads that it was racist.
But landlord Will Wright insisted:
Laura, left, and Scarlett. One is, the other isn't - a 'born-again' Christian, that is.
A pub is a private place, access to which is at the behest of the licence holder. The law puts it upon me to maintain law and order in my house. That’s not racist.
Locals were told that the six-day gathering could not be shut down as permission had been obtained to use the field.
Sue Ellington, the South Cambridgeshire District councillor for Swavesey, said:
Everyone was a little stunned to find more than 200 caravans arrive. They’ve parked close to the centre of the village and disturbed people here. Permission or not, we should have been told they were going to be here. They are disrupting the residents.
Landowner Trevor Smith, who was paid £1,500 for the use of his field and another £300 for running water, said he had been told to expect around 30 people and was “not happy” at the huge turnout.
But travelling preacherman Abraham Howard denied Mr Smith had been misled, saying:
He doesn’t rent the field on the number of caravans. He rents the field itself. We never know how big these festivals are going to be.
The travellers said they had come together from across the country for the festival, one of several mass Pentecostal meetings held in the UK each year. “Born-again” Christian Laura Connors, 17, from Leicester, who travels with the Light and Life group through the year, declared:
It’s a lovely idea. You go to meetings and each festival is a chance to meet up with people you haven’t seen for ages.
Her cousin Scarlett Connors, 19, said she was not a Christian but her husband was.
I just come here for the meetings and to listen to testimonials.
Hat tip: BarrieJohn
The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
August 19th, 2010 at 8:10 pm
I actually pleaded with Barry to run this one, just for that priceless pic! (Andrea Mini Cello Williams – eat your heart out!) Aren’t they just the image of self-effacing modesty and godliness? I think it’s crying out for a caption myself.
PS It’s “testimonies” and not “testimonials”, but that just adds to the charm of the piece!!
August 19th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
Who knew?! Another anomalous caconym for the books – we’ll have to start calling pubs ‘privs’!
_____
August 19th, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Oddly, this post reminded me of the time that I worked at Butlins-Filey in 1981. The last fortnight of the summer season was taken over by a Christian group, it would appear that they had hired the entire camp for a Christian jamboree. As part of my job I was required to transport all the stock for the Christian bookshop with my Sherpa Van. As a reward for my hard work, I was invited to select a free book from the bookshelf and not having a clue what to pick I chose, completely at random, ‘The Late Great Planet Earth’ by Hal Lindsey. This book sat on my bookshelf, unread, for about ten years until one day, looking for something to read, I took it down and read it. It is basically end of the world / second coming type shit and it gradually grows more hilarious as the decades go by and the prophesies fail to happen.
Love the picture, terrible dilemma is presented in that we have to avoid the born again.
August 19th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
Stonyground: “Filey” was actually an annual gathering for evangelical Christians (similar to the famous Keswick Convention), and was very popular when I was young. I think it has fallen by the wayside now, as livelier (and mainly charismatic) events like Spring Harvest have taken over. We have discussed Hal Lindsey here before, and I still have, somewhere in the vast vaults of Barriejohn Towers, copies of both The Late Great Planet Earth and Satan Is Alive And Well On Planet Earth. Like many others, I thought he was the cat’s whiskers when I was a young Christian! Never fear though – like the rest of them he is absolutely undaunted, and still spewing the same nonsense with breathtaking conviction and confidence, as his website indicates. (We’re living in “The End Times”, dontcha know!!).
http://www.hallindsey.com/
August 19th, 2010 at 10:32 pm
This is the sort of thing that we’re missing out on! (Is Jesus YOUR bestest friend?):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haVnVkFq8Ok
August 19th, 2010 at 10:40 pm
Currently at the Bath & West showground [near me] there are tens of thousands of religious nutters indulging in god-porn. This is an annual event called “Soul Survivor” I’ve been tempted to add the word arse in front of the word soul on the signs directing this collection of bigots to the event. This lot are fond of writing religious graffiti all over the loos – what lovely people those christians aren’t.
August 19th, 2010 at 11:09 pm
This is Keswick (as they always refer to it) nowadays. This silly business of having to have an “action” for every single bloody syllable of a song used to piss me off even when I was a believer myself! Enjoy!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mMZy05ooFY
August 19th, 2010 at 11:38 pm
Barrie: Thanks for the youtube link, it’s hilarious. I can’t believe so-called adults would go in for this kind of childish shit. If I was their deity they’d get a few thunderbolts in the ass pretty quick, I can tell you.
August 19th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Love the idea that the arrival of large numbers of Christians is accompanied by a wave of petty crime. I can well believe it.
August 20th, 2010 at 12:18 am
Bible bashing gypsies, thats a new one, so if instead of cursing people for not buying lucky white heather they damn them to hell.
do they have portable churches and stuff like that, I’m reminded of the truckers chapel that Bill Maher visited in religulous.
August 20th, 2010 at 2:20 am
Angela, I’m trying to imagine religious toilet graffiti. Well-endowed Jesus, maybe?
August 20th, 2010 at 6:06 am
You’re going to get trouble at any event where large amounts of people are gathered, xian or otherwise.
Love what the landlord did. Can you imagine your local suddenly filled to bursting with god-botherers? Even if they didn’t focus their superstition directly at you, the cretinous talk overheared from adjacent tables would irritate. These are the sort of people who alone would get headbutted in a pub toilet, but a barful of these vest-over-anorak types sounds like a surreal comedy sketch. The regulars would end up taking a few cans home.
August 20th, 2010 at 8:12 am
I can’t get over the fact that a massive crowd of Christians descend on a village for spiritual reflection and make an immediate beeline for “the local”!
August 20th, 2010 at 8:19 am
I, too, was puzzled by the reference to “religious graffiti”. However, I well remember when Billy Graham (peace be upon him) was getting all trendy, and advising young people to “get high on Jesus”, so I suppose it might go something like this:
Looking for a good time deary? Read Romans 6 v 3
Want a really good orgasm? Look up John 5 v 7
Fancy a quick thrill? Read Revelation 7 v 18
August 20th, 2010 at 8:23 am
Sailor: I just love this idea that because “My god is a great big god” he is somehow better than all the other gods! Since when was “being big” a moral attribute?
August 20th, 2010 at 9:13 am
The sort of stuff I saw in the loos [I assume the gents loos were as bad] were the usual bland, pointless slogan type pap so loved by the credulous: “god is love”, “Jesus saves”, lots of “please pray that [.......] finds the true path”, “god please destroy our enemies” and lots of similar, irritating nonsense. What surprised me was the quantity of this junk, every door was covered. Seems being an xtian is an excuse for anti-social behaviour. Maybe someone could do the world a big favour and drop some TNT on this lot.
August 20th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Angela: I well remember when “Crusades” were being held in Swindon and Manchester and groups of “young people” drove around the place illegally tying notices to lamp posts etc, always using the excuse that they were “on the King’s business”. The leaders just chuckled and turned a blind eye. Plus ca change, etc!
August 20th, 2010 at 10:00 am
Regarding Keswick, one would assume that if Christian beliefs, and Christians themselves, were all they are cracked up to be, then after this annual visitation for over almost 150 years it would be the most godly place on earth. Not so. The (sensible) locals view this annual influx with the same disdain reserved for all tourists – a necessity that must be endured for the sake of the local economy. No sign of any “religious revival” so far, I’m pleased to say!
August 20th, 2010 at 10:02 am
I just want Laura to sit on my face for a divine experience
August 20th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
Barrie: just how big is a completely disembodied entity that possesses no physical characteristics whatever? We need to know – just how many doGs can sit on the head of a pin?
August 20th, 2010 at 1:47 pm
christ on a pike!
August 20th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Sailor: The theologian who composed that beautiful hymn has told us – didn’t you pay attention? He is “Higher than a skyscraper and deeper than a submarine”. Hope that answers your question!
(PS: Not sure that any of that actually refers to “size”, but then how could Adam have possibly been created “in the image of God” if, as you say, he/she/it is a “spiritual being”?)
August 20th, 2010 at 7:28 pm
I am a Romany Gypsy and i am not ashamed to say i am a Christian.I was at the event at Swavesey and it was a success.50 people made decisions to follow Jesus.
I googled about the event and your website came up so i hope you dont mind if i leave a comment.
You can mock me or any Gypsy or anyone else for that matter but dont mock my Jesus.The same Jesus who went to the cross for your sins.
Allow me just to share a TESTIMONY
I gave my life to Christ on 15th May 2005 aged 21.
But up until that time i wasnt a person who believed in God or anything else for that matter.I went through my early teens working with family and by the time i was 17 and driving i was a con man.Not in a big way but i lived by whole life by lies thieving and deciet. I didnt care about anyone but myself and the older i got the more nasty i got.
i got married at 21 and i was told about Jesus and what He did for me.How He realy loves me and died for me.And i accepted Him as my Lord and Savour and my life changed INSTANTLY.All the lies and anger and deceit lifted and from that day i have been telling people that He is real and you must make a choice.
I was a fool for money and the so called good life.But now i dont care if im a fool for the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.
All i would ask is for you to listen and be open to God.Because there is a God and we will meet Him one day.And then we wont have a voice or a time to mock because He is God
God bless
August 20th, 2010 at 7:54 pm
I’m sorry for you Bill. But you sound like you got what you deserved.
A life sentence of intellectual imprisonment for being a liar a conman.
Guess what – nothing’s changed – you will still be a liar and a conman coming out with that garbage.
August 20th, 2010 at 11:29 pm
Stargraves – DON’T!!!
August 21st, 2010 at 3:44 pm
They are experiencing a plague of bed bugs in New York. I wonder which would be worse? At least you can get exterminators in for bed bugs.
August 21st, 2010 at 3:48 pm
Ha! Good quote Bill Boswell “I was a fool for money” Well now you’re a fool for free – does that make you more foolish, less foolish or just broke and deluded.
August 21st, 2010 at 5:08 pm
Barrie:
“He is “Higher than a skyscraper and deeper than a submarineâ€.”
So could be either ithaqua (higher than skyscraper) or great cthulhu (definitely deeper than submarine) then? or maybe just a shining congeries of shimmering globes like old yog-sothoth?
August 21st, 2010 at 6:48 pm
Don’t feed the trolls – amusing though their rantings are – it gives them an inflated sense of their own importance.
August 21st, 2010 at 6:59 pm
@ Barriej & Angela, – Sorry my bad. Just the conman and a liar bit made me spit my coffee.
August 21st, 2010 at 8:19 pm
You know that they don’t come here to debate anything, don’t you Shargraves? This exchange is hilarious, as are the comments:
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyn.....ail_63.php
August 22nd, 2010 at 10:24 am
My daughter came up with alternative lyrics when she was taught that song at school.
“Our dog is a great big dog
Our dog is a great big dog
Our dog is a great big dogG
and he holds us in his paws”
She soon had the whole school singing it
August 22nd, 2010 at 10:28 am
Bill,
Were you not taught spelling and grammar at God School?
Do you have any idea how difficult it is to work out what you xtians are going on about when you have to correct the elementary spelling and grammar mistakes that plague your whackjob text?
AND STOP USING CAPITAL LETTERS – IT DOES NOT MAKE YOUR ARGUMENT ANY MORE COMPELLING!!!!
Ash
August 22nd, 2010 at 1:11 pm
@Bill:
be happy to debate with you if we know your familiarity with string theory, M theory, Brane theory, inflationary universe vs. cyclic universe, general relativity, recent work on detection of gravity waves and 21st century cosmology in general. “big bang” is so 20th century….
August 22nd, 2010 at 8:36 pm
Hi Bill,
OK, I’ll drop the requirement for good spelling and grammar on the proviso that you read every sentence after you’ve written it to check that it makes sense.
Let’s take it from the top;
1. How old do you believe the universe is?
We’ll move on from there.
August 22nd, 2010 at 10:24 pm
All you have said on this blog is comprehensively shown to be UTTER CRAP on this YouTube video. Watch it to the end, if you dare.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSLkQnCurgs
August 23rd, 2010 at 7:26 am
Why on earth are you people encouraging the cunt? He’s obviously a troll.
August 23rd, 2010 at 9:40 am
A troll indeed, Barrie, but sometimes even trolls have their use. Boswell, for instance, reminded me that I had neglected to put a link on our blogroll to the deliciously demented Answers in Genesis.
It’s there now – under Lunatic Links.
August 23rd, 2010 at 11:20 am
I sometimes wonder whether even that site is a spoof, Barry! Perhaps they ALL are, and Comfort and Ham are just two stand-up comedians!!
August 23rd, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Barry: Regarding that site answersnotingenesis.con. Does it not seem rather strange that (The Bible of course being the verbally inspired, infallible word of the omniscient Creator) these “young earthers” are not able to agree even amongst themselves as to the date of “The Creation”? One would have thought that someone (an Irish Primate like James Ussher, for example) could have sat down and, using a common date (say for King Nebuchadnezzar), added up all the genealogies in The Bible going back to Adam, and come up with a date – say 4000 years before the supposed birth of Jesus – as the very day upon which the earth came into being. But of course, we know that there are actually extant Egyptian written records that precede this date, so we have to add a few years (or even generations) here and there to put the date back far enough to allow civilizations like those of Egypt and Sumer to come into being, thus resulting in various dates being put forward for “The Creation” even by these people. And one of them is asking us to provide answers with no “ifs, buts or maybes”!!
August 23rd, 2010 at 8:38 pm
“Im not into arguements”.
We can see that , Mr Boswell. Every word you have posted on this blog exposes you as a brainless cretin. You are the weakest link. Goodbye.
Don’t post here again. Your mindless blatherings will be tolerated no longer, and will automatically be deleted.
August 24th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
christ knows why I’m still doing this…..
Bill,
You have posed one question – How could something come from nothing and you have arrived at this question because you think that the Big Bang theory states that the universe came into being in a puff of smoke 13 odd billion years ago.
Your own perspective – based on your Big Bad Book of judeo xtian Religion is that it arose 7,000 years ago.
At this point in the human development of our understanding of the universe, we don’t actually know how the universe we currently exist in arose in the first place.
There is a great deal of speculation as to how the universe started but our science has not yet reached the stage where we have a solid theory to explain the facts. Indeed, it is entirely possible that speculation is all we will ever have.
I take it that you will now tell me that god dun it?
August 24th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Errr….”Prove” you wrong that god dun it?
The burden of proof falls on those who assert.
Please provide me with evidence of a supernatural deity who created the entire universe in seven days and who has a strange dislike of shellfish.
August 27th, 2010 at 11:26 am
Sorry Bill,
You’re a one-man Logical Fallacy Generator
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A.....experience
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A.....ncredulity
I’ve come to the conclusion that you are in fact as mad as a box of frogs and that nothing anyone could say would ever change that one iota!!
Best Regards
Ash