Global warming blamed on The Gays

THANKS to the activities of early Christian missionaries, inhabitants of the Pacific Islands were forced to ditch their indigenous beliefs, and adopt Christianity instead.

Today, for example, religion is said on this website to be:

One of the most important aspects of Samoan culture, to the extent that it is incorporated in Samoa’s motto: Samoa is founded on God.

All this Christianity has made some of the people of the South Pacific stupid – very stupid indeed as evidenced by a claim at a climate change conference in Samoa earlier this month that homosexuals are to blame for global warming.

In 2009 Samoa suffered a severe tsunami

The claim was made by church ministers during the Oceanic Conference on Creativity and Climate Change hosted by the University of the South Pacific.

The accusation prompted one exasperated attendee USP student, Shaiza Janif, to say:

We need to educate our ministers and not turn this into an agenda.

Details of exactly how the ministers think homosexuals are pumping more CO2 into the atmosphere, thereby trapping heat around the planet, driving up the average temperature and causing massive economic and environmental dislocation are scant.

The Register, which carried this story under the hilarious headline “Samoan clerics finger homosexuals over global warming”, opined:

It may be that the clerics are understandably worried about rising levels of sex tourism in Samoa fuelled by cheap air travel and consequent rising energy consumption, though why this would be a gay-only problem is a mystery. But we suspect their latching onto climate change as a consequence of gayness is informed by a more biblical sense of cause and effect.

One commenter on the report said:

I don’t see why adulterers, divorcees, Jews, Muslims, gypsies, the mentally disabled, re-formed 1970s and 1980s pop bands, telecommuters, daytime soap actors or people who think that high-tech air fresheners will make their sad, lonely, loveless marriages better should get a free pass.

Hat tip: Rog

17 responses to “Global warming blamed on The Gays”

  1. Daz says:

    I’m confused. Why isn’t someone batshit enough to say that in the first place denying climate change?

  2. Brian Jordan says:

    Could be a joke – after all, an earlier generation made a fool of Margaret Mead.

  3. Stuart W says:

    Isn’t it incredible how much power homosexuals have over the weather?

    As I type this there is a bit of a cloud burst over Fulham (West London). Perhaps if I look at some naked women online and go to the Daily Mail website to post comments praising the Pope, the sun will come out again.

  4. AngieRS says:

    Well, you don’t have to be Samoan to come up with tripe like that. Let’s not forget the British vicar who blamed the cause of the UK flooding on Gays. Being a complete and utter twat is not something that is confined to national borders.

  5. Har Davids says:

    I read an article on Samoa recently and it and, apart from the climate, it doesn’t seem a very nice place to live with very strict rules, that aren’t even law. If you toe the line, you might as well leave the place and there are a lot of young suicides. And maybe it’s just plain human stupidity that causes global warming.

  6. Broadsword says:

    Homosexuals are NOT responsible for extreme weather and climate change. Those who approach this from a religious perspective are just plain wrong. Science tells us how it happens and what must be done to mitigate it. NASA is to send a rocket to Planet Mongo and kill Ming the Merciless (or perhaps he’s already here at the Vatican).

    Muslim Pakistan got inundated despite having no homosexuals.

  7. Angela_K says:

    Who uses superstition to justify over-breeding and the consequential damage to the planet? Step forward the religious! And who is less likely to breed? us Gay people!

  8. Janstince says:

    Indeed, Angela. My thoughts exactly. Gay people generally have fewer children per capita (unless they are like Ted Haggard, lying to themselves into a loveless marriage with kids). This means less stress on the planet and fewer mouths to feed. Of course, the religiots don’t see that because they lack rationality.

    I like to think of these idiots like this: gay computers. Computer interface immorality is the cause of netstorms, throttling, DDoS attacks. Computer god is furious at all the sharing between Mac and PC, sometimes partnering with five or six UNIX machines. And Linux is the devil to lead you into the /root of temptation. Make your email pure, your CAB files holy, and your TCP/IP will be blessed.

    Not a perfect analogy, I know, especially since that already strains the limits of my computer knowledge. However, it seems just as silly to me.

  9. analogy says:

    Why do god addicts keep blaming natural disasters on god’s hatred of gays? Are they unaware that the people who really piss him off are the left-handed?

  10. Don says:

    Angie, Actually that was the Bishop of Carlisle, supported by the Bishop of Liverpool. He’s an ‘expert’ on exorcism and has published claims such as “There is a view that both oral and anal sexual practice is liable to allow entry to spirits.”

  11. Har Davids says:

    Don, that’s a new one! But are those spirits benign of malign, angels or demons? Those experts really ought to be a bit more specific.

  12. Buffy says:

    It’s scary how stupid Christians can be.

  13. Urmensch says:

    I’d love to know the exact mechanism by which we are causing global warming.
    Is it all the friction?

  14. Ivan says:

    “Samoan clerics finger homosexuals over global warming”

    Reminds me of “Bishops Split by Gay Sex”.

    And off-topic but my all time favourite, “Panda Mating Fails – Vet Takes Over”.

  15. L.Long says:

    This story again demonstrates a VERY important part of the loving S/He/IT in charge. Listening to any or all of these bat-schite crazy religious preachers and you will notice that all the worlds problems -floods, earth quacks, famine, etc- are a punishment from S/He/IT.
    BUT who is being punished for these abominations (ya’know gay-atheist-women)????
    Why the faithful believers!!!!
    So abomination, sex, fornication, lust, killing, Living the good life and when S/He/It looks down and gets pissed at its creation, gives the big slap down on his faithful followers!!!!
    I guess believers are deep seated masochist as well as just plan stupid!!!!

  16. David Anderson says:


    Sooo right. I´m left handed and I try to piss God off every day. Well I don´t try but it just happens.


    No. it´s just love. Religious people don´t understand it. We could all do with some global warming of this nature,

  17. dave says:

    “Homosexuals are NOT responsible for extreme weather and climate change.”

    Well, thanks for clearing that up! Issue would have been in doubt, otherwise.

    Also: boobquake!