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God, gays, blackbirds and blizzards

THE deaths of thousands of blackbirds in Arkansas at the start of the New Year may have been caused by the recent repeal in America of the notorious “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” military rule.

Treat gays humanely and God will kill a blackbird

That’s the view of dotty evangelist Cindy Jacobs, a “prophet” who, according to this report, once claimed the ability to banish “gay demons”.

Jacobs said in a video this week that the strange phenomenon, that has now occurred in various places across the world, was an “answer” from God for violating his principles concerning homosexuality:

According to biblical principles, marriage is between a man and a woman, so we have to say ‘what happens when a nation makes a decision that’s against God’s principles?’. Well, often what happens is that nature itself will begin to talk to us – for instance, violent storms, flooding.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V17WGTvPHGg[/youtube]

Jacobs founded Generals International (GI), an international evangelical Christian group, along with her husband in 1985. She is also a member of the Apostolic Council of Prophetic Elders, a group of prophets who claim to have foreseen Islamic terrorism in 1999.

During an evangelical conference in 2008, Jacobs conducted a mass exorcism of the audience to cast out the spirits of pornography, addiction, lust, bisexuality, homosexuality, and perversion. In another event in Texas in November, she claimed that if Latinos voted for candidates who opposed gay marriage, then God would reward them with immigration reform.

President Barack Obama signed a landmark law last December repealing the ban on gay men and women serving openly in the military, fulfilling one of his major campaign pledges and casting the issue as a matter of civil rights long denied.

Of course there’s a more rational explanation for the blackbirds’ deaths. According to a Guardian report, fireworks may have caused the blackbird’s deaths.

Blaming The Gays for every natural disaster in the galaxy is so much the standard response of fruitloops like Jacobs that satirists are finding it increasingly difficult to take the piss out of these nutty fundies.

However, Andy Borowitz, had me chuckling over a spoof report he penned about the recent blizzards in the US:

Rev Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his ‘700 Club’ program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast ‘to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay’.

Explaining his theory, Robertson said, ‘Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two’. Additionally, he argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area ‘so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur’.

As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, ‘I think God probably wonders: If these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?’

Hat tip: Alan (blackbirds) and Sister Talitha (Borowitz)

30 responses to “God, gays, blackbirds and blizzards”

  1. Newspaniard says:

    I’ll bet her bank account is worth a good drool.

  2. tony e says:

    Has anybody else noticed that the more ‘christian’ a person is the more hatred thay have for their fellow man/woman?

    Whenever there is a disaster the religious go on a shopping spree. Remember the ‘miracle on the hudson’, in Jan 2009, where almost every christian group in America said it was a sign from god that all the passengers were saved? Several months later 9 people were killed in a mid air collision on the same area of the hudson.

    This time the silence was deafening.

  3. sailor1031 says:

    “she claimed that if Latinos voted for candidates who opposed gay marriage, then God would reward them with immigration reform.”

    Not likely since the politicians who oppose gay marriage are the very ones that oppose immigration reform.

    But then doG moves in mysterious ways. Imagine any of us immoral atheists deliberately killing hundreds of blackbirds just because we were pissed at gay marriage.

  4. barriejohn says:

    How about the avalanche of shit that spews forth from her mouth? Is there a rational explanation for that then?

  5. Broga says:

    I think we need an atheist take on this. Here is mine:

    The blackbirds are dying because god is angry about all the paedophile priests who are still unpunished and the cover up and protection from the Vatican.

  6. Ivan says:

    One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

  7. Stuart W says:

    To be fair to Ms Jacobs, tolerance of homosexuals and civil partnerships has already caused deadly flooding and then a tornado here in the UK so you can’t really blame her for suggesting something similar over this bizarre feathercide.
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1556131/Floods-are-judgment-on-society-say-bishops.html
    http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/articles/2005-13506.html/

    Btw, did anybody see this sparkling response by gay congressman Barney Frank in response to some Dont Ask Don’t Tell controversy about straight and gay men showering together? Duh, its been happening all along for donkey’s years, and not just in the military!
    http://m.gawker.com/5716043/barney-frank-makes-a-fool-out-of-conservative-reporter-over-dont-ask-dont-tell

  8. ZombieHunter says:

    @ tony e

    the “final destination” movies come to mind there.

    so these nutters have informed us that these blackbirds dying are the result of the repeal of don’t ask don’t tell and apparently the arizona shootings was the result of the song bodies by the band drowning pool I’m now waiting with baited breath to hear the explination for the floods in brazil and austraillia.

  9. L.Long says:

    I’ve been noticing a wider acceptance of women in Xtian power.
    All I can say is there are a lot of emasculated Xtian men out there who say the buyBull is gods word then ignore the fact these hate-filled women are suppose to shutup-spread’em-and make lunch.
    Maybe if their men could keep them ‘satisfied’ they would not have so much volcanic-hate spree out their blow-hole.

  10. Timur's Grief says:

    God wonders? Some omniscience!

  11. Har Davids says:

    Could any of these prophets explain why birds and fishes were killed, and not the people who’re responsible for the repeal of DADT? Their ‘god’ should be able to do better.

  12. Broga says:

    Don’t you just love that certainty about cause and effect. The link between fair and equal treatment of gays and dying blackbirds seems to me to be – how shall I put this? – rather tenuous. How does she know? Is this another biblically based conclusion?

    I have another theory rather more soundly based. The planet has 7 billion people and that is increasing at an unsustainable speed. Many of these people are hungry, breeding prolifically and ignorant. They will take what the can to survive and if that means razing the forests, poisoning a river to collect fish, slaughtering animals for bushmeat then they will do it. The more affluent humans are causing even more destruction including clearing the seas of fish and as many of them are religious nutters they are convinced their god will always provide.

    Meanwhile the Pope, and associated loonies, are determined to block family planning so ensuring the problem of over population worsens. One of the greatest extinctions of species ever is now underway and there is not the slightest sign, apart from minor efforts and pious hopes, that we can do anything to arrest this. Sane, rational, caring we are not. Homosapiens? Only in our deluded self aggrandisment.

  13. Alan says:

    This is why they can’t explain
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fCnIqYxwBk

  14. David Anderson says:

    @ barriejohn

    Yes, she´s suffering from religion.

  15. hissing sid says:

    “Vote for candidates who(insert fairy tail bile here) and god will rewaed you with immigration reform”. CUT TO TOWERHAMLETS 2010. … Newsfeed, luftar rahman has become mayor, installs ppl from the group ‘islamic forum for europe’ as members of his cabinet, who now control a budget of 2 billion! This is what happens when church/mosque/temple and state meet. I weep for the future as it seems freethinkers are fighting an uphill battle both in Europe and elsewhere.

  16. AngieRS says:

    Let me get this right. It’s god who has caused it to snow so hard that it’s screwed up the transport system because he doesn’t want Gay folk having sex. So why does he let it thaw then?

  17. Stonyground says:

    Poe’s law says that it is impossible to create a parody that some one won’t mistake for the real thing. I don’t see this as a reflection on you, AngieRS, but a reflection on people who are so mental that they are truly beyond parody.

  18. Stuart H. says:

    Beat me to it, Stonyground!

    Apparently, ‘Poe’s Law’ states that “Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humour, it is impossible to create a parody of fundamentalism that someone won’t mistake for the real thing.” Named after one Nathan Poe who formulated it on christianforums.com.

  19. Angela_K says:

    So has the sky fuhrer killed any other birds/animals due to the fact some species are naturally homosexual? How do the fundies square that!

  20. sailor1031 says:

    If it’s a Poe, it’s a very elaborate one:

    http://www.generals.org/about-us/about-us/

  21. AngieRS says:

    Dunno, lost on me

  22. Don says:

    If birds being smote is a sign of displeasure at hetero humans accepting gay humans as humans, does that mean that when humans are smote it is a sign of displeasure at hetero penguins accepting gay penguins as penguins?

  23. Stonyground says:

    The main story in the OP isn’t a parody, only the bit about Pat Robertson and the snow. The link is marked ‘spoof report’.

  24. Buffy says:

    Jacobs is batshit insane.

  25. Stuart W says:

    Would that be as in fruit bats who promote homosexuality or vampire bats who glorify unholy monsters?

  26. NeoWolfe says:

    Well, as a person possessed with a respectable degree of intelligence, I am left wondering about the earthquake in Haiti. Already, painfully poor, here are the religious statistics:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_Haiti

    And god punished us with dead blackbirds and starlings. Got off easy I guess for our shameless conduct.

    And I blame you Brits for the starlings. They never existed in north america until shipping brought them here. Actually, they are not pests, they eat roadkill, like crows, and ugly and plain as they are, they don’t seem to bother any human enterprise. They sing like Yoko Ono, and shit on my windshield, oh, well. 🙂

    The point is that assigning religious blame is a crime of opportunity that has no consequence, so all fundies indulge themselves in it.

    Much like this:

    ” 38For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,”

    Matthew 24. They were so busy making something of their lives that they forgot to worship Jehovah. So he murdered the entire planet. Makes you want to kneel and worship, doesn’t it?

    NeoWolfe

  27. Stonyground says:

    As you point out Neo Wolfe, there is a pretty obvious broad correlation between quality of life and ignoring God. Last year, on another blog someone from New Zealand mentioned that they had just had an earthquake of similar strength to the one in Haiti. Due to stringent building regulations within earthquake zones there were no deaths, one of his neighbours was without power and water until the evening.

    Maybe God has become bored with all the worshipping and now just wants to be left alone.

  28. ZombieHunter says:

    @ NeoWolfe

    Apparently it was America who caused the earthquake in haiti with their super doomsday weapon

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9QtZkT8OBQ

    I think Hugo Chavez comes from the David Icke school of stupidity

  29. Rozi says:

    Why’s he taking it out on the blackbirds? What’ve they ever done to him?

  30. The Woggler says:

    God doesn’t like gays, so he randomly kills innocent animals en-mass? Presumably, gays will go straight in order to avoid the deaths of any more innocent animals. Well that makes sense.