Gay man marries straight woman. Who you gonna call? Stephen Green, of course

A PAIR of young University of Worcester students who got hitched in Germany as part of an art project has raised the blood-pressure of Britain’s funniest fundie, Stephen “Birdshit” Green, who blasted Nora Battenberg-Cartwright, 21, and Paul Cartwright, 20, for mocking the sanctity of marriage.

Marrying for art's sake. Paul and Nora pictured on Nora's Facebook profile

When news of their marriage in Germany broke, the Daily Mail predictably turned to Green for comment, and boy, did the buffoon ever let loose:

They are denigrating the institution of marriage itself. Marriage is not an art project, it is the life-long union of man and woman and part of that is the sexual act which is there for companionship and the raising of children.

At the ages of 20 and 21 you think you are invincible and think you can do anything but marriage is not just between the couple concerned, it is between them and the wider community.


If their parents have gone along with this charade they are equally as guilty of denigrating the whole institution of marriage and bringing the University of Worcester into disrepute. If I was marking them I’d give them no marks – what has being married got to do with art?

And for good measure he added:

Marriage is under attack from homosexual and civil partnerships which are an attempt to downgrade it. It appears to be no co-incidence that the ‘husband’ is a gay man.

But Mrs Battenberg-Cartwright, who is German and moved to Worcester to study, explained:

It’s about an artistic unity rather than a love union, to join each other in art and make us the art. It’s a really truthful marriage and we will still see other people.  By marrying ourselves we were in effect marrying art. If we ever decided that we got to the point where we wanted to marry another person, that would be the end of the art career, really.

But neither of us can see it on the cards, both of us expect to be old and married and continuing together. The marriage is kind of the foundation of our art. We do love each other, but in a different way.

She added:

We work collaboratively on everything, there isn’t a clear line between our work and our tutors have agreed to mark us together.

Paul Cartwright, from Redditch, Worcestershire, added:

One of our friends said that he thought marriage was a contract or a unity between two people and that’s what this is. It’s a sort of love, you love a brother or a sister and we are very close, as far as you know we are going to spend the rest of lives together.

Dr James Fisher, head of Fine Art at the University of Worcester, said:

Nora and Paul are very serious students; they live together and work very closely together, and are both very committed artists.

21 responses to “Gay man marries straight woman. Who you gonna call? Stephen Green, of course”

  1. Iason Ouabache says:

    This is hilarious considering the fact that there is a talking point here in the US that gay people already have equal marriage rights because they can marry anyone of the opposite gender that they want. Wonder what the reaction would have been if this had happened on this side of the pond instead.

  2. Carasek says:

    Mr ‘Birdshit’ Green is quite the teacher.

    I wasn’t aware that the act of marriage didn’t exist until the Christian doctrine he prefers came about, or that there is no marriage other than one that conforms to these rules, or indeed that the raising of children was intrinsic to marriage. There must be a few billion people who are living in a fantasy world where they think they are married, but actually don’t meet Birdshit’s criteria.

    If I’d have known that husbands and wives get shared around by the community, I might have bothered to befriend a few God-botherers. They don’t put that up on the signs outside church. More likely to draw punters in than the usual awkward sexual revelation, “Jesus is coming.”

    Birdshit didn’t explain how civil partnerships are an attempt to downgrade marriage, but did have an old fashioned pop at homosexuals. Once of his less batshit crazy rants in the scheme of things, though he’s clearly still a very sad, angry man. We should feel sorry for him, perhaps, as his religious infection has done so much irreversible damage to his brain.

  3. Newspaniard says:

    This may have been a stunt but let him try and get out of it without paying…

  4. Think or GTFO says:

    There’s a man and there’s a woman. Just how it should be. Instant sanctity. 🙂

  5. Broga says:

    This must be the ideal christian marriage where, according to St Paul, “it is better to marry than to burn.” This pair not only marry (they seem a pair of twits to me with this stunt) but they won’t be having sex. A double safeguard. Could start a fashion? Couldn’t have been the greatest of honeymoons unless pondering their “artistry” produces organisms.

  6. L.Long says:

    Let’s see… the plucking religious butt holes have approved…
    1. Marriage for power…Kings etc
    2. Marriage for SEX …. most everyone
    3. marriage for privilege….nobles
    4. They fought the ‘marriage for love’ for decades before giving in.
    So now someone is marrying for ‘ART’ and ‘birdshit’ is all a twitter about it. Sorry but it read to me like the ‘plucking gay is marrying a hot chick rather then whipping himself for his evil thoughts’.

    The gay get shot for actively being gay and then get shot for being with a straight girl, why don’t they admit the gay should just be shot…OH forgot they do support Uganda.

  7. John Draper says:

    Someone told me once that Catholic Nuns think of themselves as Brides of Christ. They are married to Jesus! Doesn’t that mock the institution of marriage? Unless of course they are expecting more virgin births.

  8. JohnMWhite says:

    I do not understand why media outlets insist on asking Green for his opinions on things that do not concern him. Two people getting married, for whatever reason they choose, is nothing to do with him and his odious, hateful opinions on the matter. It would be like asking Hitler to write a review of Schindler’s List. I know that’s smashing right through Godwin’s Law but this man really is incredibly rabid and aggressive in his open hatred of homosexuals. He wears it on his sleeve, and I do not understand why such people are given a prominent pulpit to spout forth from in today’s society.

    I happened to come across this clip yesterday:

    I know it is old and may well have been seen by most people here but it seems to exemplify the man’s hatred and sense of entitlement as he demands Ed Byrne ‘butt out’ of talking about religion, as if someone Green’s sensibilities are the most important thing in the world and everyone must conform to them. The way he talks and tuts and sighs and glowers at simply being disagreed with, already making his mind up that the other person just shouldn’t even exist, is all a toxic mix that I have seen on the faces of many of the devout in my time.

  9. Angela_K says:

    This couple did not marry in one of birdshit’s theatres of mumbo-jumbo so what is his problem – apart from any excuse to gay bash.

  10. David Anderson says:

    From somebody who has been married for 37 years, I would say that marriage is definitely an art.

    Also, what has this to do with their parents and the university? It´s non of their business. This couple are 20 and 21, therefor adults.

  11. NeoWolfe says:

    Being a high profile religious icon is a very lucrative enterprise. Birdshit doesn’t believe the tripe he spouts, he’s playing to a constituency. He has to. He has to stay in the public eye in order to keep the widow money coming in.

    Meanwhile, in the US there are seniors “living in sin” because getting married would reduce their social security benefits. The “domestic partnership” laws in many states provide many of the benefits of marriage without the definition.

    You would think that would stir up Birdshit more than a couple of actors doing a publicity stunt.

    Carasek said:

    “I wasn’t aware that the act of marriage didn’t exist until the Christian doctrine he prefers came about, or that there is no marriage other than one that conforms to these rules.”

    Erroneous conclusion. Monogamy is the christian contribution. Marriage dates back to prehistory. For example, Abraham had one wife, Sarah, but he had several concubines, slave girls, that he fucked on a regular basis. He had several children by his slave girls, but the divine blessing fell on Isaac, his miracle baby by his legal wife in her old age. Or so the story goes.

    Historians may disagree with me, but, marriage is an religious institution designed to keep males from raping or seducing females and walking away from them and shirking responsibility for supporting the children. We don’t need Birdshit to explain to us that we are horny because we are driven to reproduce. Horny and lonely, driven to exchange bodily fluids, a trick played on us by nature, imagining that happiness awaited us on the other side. It never worked out that way for me.


  12. Broga says:

    We have been married over 40 years. Caused a bit of upset when we opted for Registry Office. Some posh church weddings of relatives around the same time hit the buffers despite all the blessings. Here is our recipe:

    1. Have moderate expectations of each other;

    2. Understand the reality of romantic love so that it can be replaced with something deeper and longer lasting: akin to friendship;

    3. Have similar values;

    4. Loyality and perseverance;

    5. Shared views on children and animals;

    6. Understand that this relationship is ours and not the posession of family or community.

    I think it was Jung who said that romantic love is an illness like any other illness and should be treated as such.

  13. GarbageETC says:

    Man Of The Year…

    lol :)…

  14. NeoWolfe says:


    Congratulations. 40 years is not a record, but it is a respectable stab at it. I hope your fortune continues.

    Your description of the formula for your success, I hear two underlying themes. Both persons must be seriously invested in the relationship, and it must be something more than sex. I agree. The law of diminishing returns kills the sex in the first few months, no matter how cute she is.

    I know there are many stories like yours out there, of long term successful relationships. Therefore, logically, I must assume that my failure is due to something missing in me.

    And, I am not omniscient, so I can only judge by my observations. My parents stayed together until my father died (fulfilled their vows) but they constantly bickered like children. My landlord and his wife fight like cats and dogs, yet they stay together. I often wonder, are they really devoted, or are they just afraid of change? I can testify, failing in a relationship is a painful ordeal.

    But, barring a miracle, I plan to keep my life simple, and be single until the reaper comes to escort me to hell. 🙂


  15. Broga says:

    NeoWolfe. I’m sorry your marriage failed and I know, from observation of relatives and friends, that the ordeal of break-up is a kind of hell, much of it personal and private. The presence of children adds to all this. You sum up well what I would regard as the essentials.

  16. Newspaniard says:

    @JohnMWhite. You’re right about the publicity hunting, Green. I was watching a BBC news item the other day in which the atheist speaker was winning all arguments and TWICE the BBC apologised to viewers that Green was unable to make the discussion because he was stuck in a tube. The BBC DG must have been foaming at the mouth because one of his fundie mates wasn’t there to stand up against the “atheist lowlife”:0).

  17. LAL says:

    Perfect husband. Where can I get me one of those?

  18. valdemar says:

    It must have escaped Green’s notice that many thousands of gay men married straight women before that nice Mr Jenkins came along and legalised homosexuality. But I suppose from Green’s perspective the misery and occasional blackmail-induced suicide was a price well worth paying. Whoever said the Christian God doesn’t demand human sacrifice was talking out of his mitre.

  19. Buffy says:

    Oh please. Heterosexuals get married…and married…and married. Does Birdshit whine about them ruining the “sanctity” of marriage? Shows like “The Bachelor” turn marriage into a game. Does Birdshit whine about them ruining the “sanctity” of marriage? Professional “pro-family” groups make a living destroying the rights of innocent people who seek only to participate in the institution of marriage. Does Birdshit whine about them destroying the “sanctity” of marriage? Methinks he needs to STFU and get a life.

  20. The Woggler says:

    On the one hand, maybe Green has a point. On the other hand, there’s no harm being done so what the heck.

  21. OurSally says:

    >Gay man marries straight woman

    He should be pleased. Surely this is what he wants everyone to do anyway?