Mormons apologise – again!

Mormons apologise – again!

THERE are all the ingredients for a Pythonesque comedy sketch focusing on the Mormon practice of baptising dead folk – including non-Christians like Jews, Muslims, Hindus, atheists, Pastafarians and the like.

Trouble is, a lot of people – mainly Jews – aren’t seeing the funny side of this barminess, and there has been a lot outrage expressed on the Internet following a report that some Mormon had baptised the parents of Nazi-hunter Simon Wiesenthal.

The Church of Latter-Day Saints had to apologise over that blunder ­ – and apologise once more after it was reported that Anne Frank, the famous diarist and Holocaust victim, had been secretly co-opted into the Mormon Church. She had been “christened” at a Mormon temple in the Dominican Republic. A local child, acting as her spiritual proxy, is believed to have been dunked in a font during the ceremony.

In an apologetic statement, the Mormon Church’s PR department neither confirmed nor denied that the event had taken place, but declared itself:

Absolutely firm in its commitment to not accept the names of Holocaust victims for proxy baptism.

It is distressing when an individual wilfully violates the Church’s policy and something that should be understood to be an offering based on love and respect becomes a source of contention.

Some wag (or wags) then thought:

Whoa, if dead people can be turned into Mormons, what’s to stop us from turning dead Mormons gay?

And so, people, we now have the All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay site.


I discovered its existence via this piece written by “queer Jew” Jay Michaelson, who concluded:

Of course, what we’re really offended by is that some living person somewhere thinks that this [post-mortem baptisms] is okay to do, using the names of our deceased and our historic heroes. It’s not offensive because their belief is efficacious; it’s offensive because of what it reveals about their intentions and attitudes toward people we hold dear.

Come to think of it, that’s true whether the people in question are dead Jews or living gays.

This prompted one Mormon to comment:

We believe that post-mortal spirits are sentient beings with moral agency, so they should be, and are, able to decide for themselves what choices they make. Denying individuals (alive or dead) the opportunity to choose for themselves is an affront to the justice and mercy of God. (I understand how events like the Holocaust can make it difficult for many to believe in justice and mercy, and indeed, to believe in God.)

Perhaps another example, the most important example of a vicarious ordinance, will clarify our viewpoint. Christ has already paid the price for the sins and errors of all human, whether they accept it or not. However, this atonement does not become operational until we accept Christ’s sacrifice for us. If this concept is an affront to non-Christians (including Jews), at least it is a loving and Christian one.

16 responses to “Mormons apologise – again!”

  1. remigius says:

    This converting dead people malarky is great fun. I’ve just made Isambard Kingdom Brunel a goth.

    And Sir Thomas Gresham, the founder of the Royal Exchange, is now a post-op tranny called Susan.

  2. Pete H says:

    Absolutely firm in its commitment to not accept the names of Holocaust victims for proxy baptism.

    Wait, why is it only wrong to proxy baptise dead Holocausst victims? What about everyone else? Surely it’s wrong to do it to anyone?

    We believe that post-mortal spirits are sentient beings with moral agency, so they should be, and are, able to decide for themselves what choices they make. Denying individuals (alive or dead) the opportunity to choose for themselves is an affront to the justice and mercy of God.

    And how exactly are these dead people making it known that they want to be baptised as Mormons?

    My missus found that “All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay” web site the other day when reading about the baptism thing. We approve. 😀

  3. Irreverend Bastard says:

    Good work, Mor(m)ons!

    Now for your next post-mortem baptism project, please do the Prophet Muhammad and all his 13 wives/concubines.

  4. Rob says:

    The Momon view that all spirit are sentient and should have the right to make the choice to be baptised so they can enter the house of god is ridiculouos. Those now deceased people had that choice when they were alive and chose not to be a memeber of this church or any church for that matter. If they chose through life to accept God into their hearts etc then they would be in heaven anyway. Those of us who will not accept a story to rule our lives and believe in something that is inherrently wrong choose not to enter the so called heaven.

    My mother chooses paganism as her religion and has no belief in Jesus Christ etc so she would turn in her grave was she dead to see that some religious movement has ‘baptised’ her.

    If Spirit is sentient why do they not have mediums enter their church and tell them prior to baptism of the dead which ones want to be baptised and which dont?

  5. Graham Martin-Royle says:

    Converting dead mormons into gays while it sounds good is just too little, too late. They’re all jewish now.

    So much for “rest in peace”, being dead is getting busy!

  6. barriejohn says:

    If they baptize Christopher Hitchens he’ll be fucking furious!

  7. Har Davids says:

    I just gayifed 9 Mormons; it is a slow process, and they were mostly women! I hope they don’t know where I live, or they’ll be banging on my door, not willing to wait for my death to convert me and stop me from converting more of them.

    It’s great timing for Mitt, though. It’s not just that they will be considered slightly crazy, but lairs as well. Wherever you look, the GOP offers religious crazies in all flavours.

  8. barriejohn says:

    Candidate Mitt Romney = Tidy tormented maniac

  9. Ivan says:

    Frank Bennett is now fabulous.

  10. ZombieHunter says:

    I just converted Joseph Smith founder of the mormon faith to being gay, I reckon shitloads of people have had the same idea as me but just in case I did anyway 😛

  11. The Wizard of Osmonds says:

    The Mormon Church has apologized for baptizing Jews posthumously

    – in 1991 when this idiotic practice was first exposed,

    – in 1995 when Church officials signed a written promise to cease this idiotic practice,

    – and several times throughout the 2000’s on the several occasions it was revealed that the Church was quietly continuing to violate the written promise to cease this idiotic practice.

    Fun Fact #2:
    The Mormon Church performs other posthumous rituals in addition to baptism, including “sealing” people to each other for all eternity — husbands to wives, families to each other, etc.

    Fun Fact #3:
    Adding to the insult of baptizing Jews murdered in the Holocaust, the Mormon Church has repeatedly performed both their baptism and “sealing” rituals on Adolf Hitler, Eva Braun and a few other high-ranking Nazis.

    Fun Fact #4:
    Though the Mormon Church goes to great lengths to keep its finances secret (even to its members), its net worth is estimated at $39 billion, including vast real estate holdings (like the vast City Creek Project, a recently constructed mall and condos complex in downtown Salt Lake City, the estimated cost of which runs anywhere from $2 – $9 billion).

    And despite the beliefs and practices mandated by the Book of Mormon surpassing those of most every other major religion in both number and extreme “far-fetchedness”, their organization — described by Wikipedia as “the General Electric of American religion” — is still officially considered a church and is therefore tax exempt.

    Fun Fact #5:
    It’s well-documented that the founder of the Mormon Church, Joseph Smith, was a con artist, habitual liar, plagiarist, violent theocrat, suspected mass murderer and, at his death, a husband to 33 wives.

  12. tony e says:

    Surely this is nothing but a cynical attempt by the Morons to give the impression that their church membership is much greater than it actually is?

  13. Robster says:

    Do Mormons refer to “The Book of silly” every time they do anthing? if not, they should write one, the sales could contribute even more money to this extremely dodgy organisation. That wouldn’t be good but the book could be fun.

  14. Ken says:

    Rejoice! It’s a possibility that the US will have a Mormon president at the end of the year ……

  15. barriejohn says:

    Bill Maher in top form!