News

Sodomy is your passport to paradise

Sodomy is your passport to paradise

But only if you’re a suicide bummer

WHILE stressing Islam’s abhorrence of sodomy, a Muslim cleric reportedly said it was permissible if it enabled suicide bombers to comfortably accommodate explosives up their bums.

The cleric, according to Raymond Ibrahim, a fellow at the conservative David Horowitz Freedom Center, is Abu al-Dema al-Qasab (above, left), who made a video in 2010 which addressed the anal-sex-for-the-glory-of-Islam question.

Inbrahim claims that suicide bomber Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri (right) was allowed by clerics to ask for anal sex if he thought it would later make inserting explosives inside himself easier.

According to Ibrahim’s account, someone asks the cleric:

Is it permissible for me to let one of the jihadi brothers sodomize me to widen my anus if the intention is good.

Although the cleric reminds everyone that sodomy is forbidden, he offers an exception:

Jihad comes first, for it is the pinnacle of Islam, and if the pinnacle of Islam can only be achieved through sodomy, then there is no wrong in it.
The cleric actually makes the case that not only is sodomy allowed, it could be required.

If obligatory matters can only be achieved by performing the prohibited, then it becomes obligatory to perform the prohibited, and there is no greater duty than jihad. After he sodomizes you, you must ask Allah for forgiveness and praise him all the more.

Ibrahim links the cleric’s words to Abdullah Hassan al-Asiri, who attempted to assassinate Saudi Deputy Interior Minister, Muhammad bin Nayef, in 2009. The young al Qaeda recruit died when he detonated explosives secreted up his arse, but the government official was only slightly injured in the attack, thus proving that bum bombs aren’t particularly effective.

After the assassination attempt, the official – who appeared on state television with a bandage around two of his fingers on his left hand – said:

He surprised me by blowing himself up. However, this will only increase my determination to fight terrorism in the kingdom.

Asiri’s older brother reportedly hid one pound of PETN plastic explosives in his anal canal, which security experts described “as a novel technique”.

Hat tip: Ivan

62 Responses to “Sodomy is your passport to paradise”

  1. Broga says:

    @barriejohn: Thanks for that information on alcohol. After zero reflection I have decided to take a chance and continue drinking my Laphroig. It really is extraordinary that people take this kind of guidance seriously. It must complicate their lives. They seem to continue to be happy with FGM, making serfs of women and stoning them to death if they happen to be regarded as guilty of adultery.

    My religious upbringing (Church of Scotland) was somewhat casual so I escaped serious indoctrination.

  2. AgentCormac says:

    Broga and barriejohn

    Right now I have (heaven knows why) no intention whatsoever of worrying about what kind of alcohol gets smeared on my armpits tomorrow morning. Rather, I’m worrying about whether to open another bottle of the same Rioja I’m enjoying right now or trying something different. Oh, the torment! Oh, the fear!

    Fuck it. Another bottle of Rioja!

  3. barriejohn says:

    Relax, guys. You can DRINK alcohol: just don’t administer any beneath your armpits!

  4. barriejohn says:

    Adidas and Nike: A naked disdain

  5. Marky Mark says:

    “honor given to the pagan goddess Nike…”
    Yep, a sports brand is about to bring Armageddon… That Satan is soooo sneaky that he uses sneakers to infect their youth…who’da thought he’d come up with something more believable than that talking Snake.
    But these good Christians are wise to it, though it only took them 20 years. I imagine the idea struck them after one of their sheep stared at his recently bought Nike sports shoes during nightly prayer and said; “DAM…That’s a pagan god’s name!! I’ve got to run to church in my old sneakers and tell everyone…now we have something else to HATE !!

    Their problem is that they believe the mysterious Satan is everywhere trying to get them…though they never question that an omnipotent Gaud could simply eliminate this Satan with the snap of his fingers…or better yet, never created him in the first place.

  6. Marky Mark says:

    I wonder how long it will be until these anti-Nike Christians will be stuffing dynamite up their ass and running into Nike stores to blow themselves up?

  7. Matt Westwood says:

    Tomorrow, I hope, although I also hope the detonator goes off before they get there and they don’t use enough explosive to penetrate their lead underpants.

  8. markymark715 says:

    You all must repent to Allah and let your brothers sodomize you (like they weren’t already) so you can put a giant anus bomb in your rectum and then when you push the button you can really f@@k yourself. lofl This is some of the craziest stuff I have ever read.

  9. Billy Smith says:

    Markymark715.

    So this is strange, but US Homeland security gropes old ladies and kids (feeling their balls, crotches etc), and even makes crippled 94 year old ladies remove their diapers. Yes, the article above (more propoganda of course) is crazy, but the things that are happening in the US of A are even CRAZIER!!! Wake up, get the US flag out of your ass and SEE what’s really happening.

  10. Hamza says:

    It’s real, and it goes out to show the stupidity of Islam. People in my country get a fatwa issued for anything they want to do, as long as you convince or bribe the Mufti.

  11. Ally says:

    I absolutely do not agree the death-grip the chcruh has on the Irish Education System but I’m not sure I agree with secular education either.France have an excellent model, but one must wonder if links can be drawn between their ignorance of religious faiths and the social divides due to the break down of integration.I do not a follow a religion but was educated in Catholic schools. 25 years later, I have very limited knowledge the core beliefs of Islam, Judaism, Hinduism any religion in fact.Would our children be better served by being equipped with an understanding of all the major world religions instead of being bombarded with Catholicism or being deprived of the of religious education all together?Is pushing for a secular model counter productive? Would we be replacing one totalitarian system with another?

  12. Boston Dad says:

    I have recently friended some cool people IT who identify themselves as ex-muslim, they all laugh how batshit crazy Islam is, I am eager to see their reaction when I show this to them in the lab tonight.