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Yoga may be a gateway to Satanism and Holy cracker theft, suggests barmy exorcist

FOLLOWING a report yesterday that a Catholic priest had banned yoga classes from his Southampton church hall in Southampton, today we have a clearer picture of why Roman Catholics fear this “Hindu spiritual exercise” and other forms of New Age practices.

Father Gary Thomas keeps a watchful eye on Holy cracker miscreants

Father Gary Thomas, pastor of Sacred Heart Church in Saratoga, California, told a recent conference of exorcists that:

There is a greater need for exorcism because there is a greater frequency of the practices of the occult, New Age and Satanism, both on the part of Catholics and other people alike.

Conference speakers explained that people begin experimenting with other traditions and rituals, often simply out of curiosity.

They don’t realize that they are, at the same time, losing their spiritual centre and turning away from God. 

Worse, some are doing naughty things in Church, like nicking Holy  crackers and smuggling them out for “obscene purposes”.

Father Thomas, a priest for 28 years, told of his experience of spotting people who appeared not to be consuming the Eucharist.

If I don’t know them, I’ll say, ‘Excuse me, will you please finish consuming the body of Christ in my presence?’

The St Edmund’s Church yoga ban was imposed by Father John Chandler, who said the church had been “misled” by instructor Cori Withell from Hampshire. He thought the hall booking was for pilates but then discovered it was also being used for spiritual yoga.

Yoga is a Hindu spiritual exercise. Being a Catholic church we have to promote the gospel, and that’s what we use our premises for.

Father John Chandler: Yoga has no place in his church premises

Ravindra Parmar, president of the Vedic Society Hindu Temple of Southampton, explained that yoga was:

A form of exercise and not a religious type of activity.

He added people were welcome to practice yoga exercises at the temple and said he felt “a little let down” because of the work the Southampton Council of Faiths does:

To get all the faiths talking to each other.

A spokesman for Portsmouth Catholic Diocese said:

It’s not possible for Catholic premises to be used for non-Christian activities, and there is a dilemma with yoga as it can be seen as Hindu meditation or as relaxation. There is no national policy on this and the decision is for each priest.

More Catholic claptrap fell from the lips of Pope Ratzinger yesterday when, at his general audience in St Peter’s Square, he banged on at great length about the Church’s public prayer, known as the liturgy, which is:

The opposite of how we normally communicate, where internal thoughts usually precede the formulation of external speech.

What in the name of sweet sanity does this mean? Despite a huge infusion of caffeine and nicotine after reading this sentence, I remain mystified.

Ratzinger explained to the estimated 10,000 pilgrims present that the liturgy, which also has the power to “free hearts from the force of gravity”, comes from the Greek meaning:

Work done by the people and for the people.

The people in question are the “new people of God, brought into being by Christ through his passion, death and resurrection”. This means it is a people:

Brought into being through the paschal mystery.

The true mystery, of course, is how thousands can stand by, listen and pretend understand this ridiculous, pretentious bullshit.

Hat tip: Barriejohn, Marcus and Angela (Yoga report)

47 responses to “Yoga may be a gateway to Satanism and Holy cracker theft, suggests barmy exorcist”

  1. David McNerney says:

    “What in the name of sweet sanity does this mean?”

    The problem here is that you think it’s complete and utter horseshit – when in fact the reality is that your are ignorant (possibly deliberately) and have a flawed understanding of Catholic theology.

  2. remigius says:

    Barry, it means that normally we think about what we are going to say before we say it. In liturgy they speak first, then wish they hadn’t!

    I think.

  3. Georgina says:

    I am all for it – anything that keeps impressionable people away from priests.

    To paraphrase Sam Harris:
    Elevating Jesus, son of Joseph & Mariam, to godhood, alleviated the necessity of emulation.

  4. barriejohn says:

    When I was receiving therapy for anxiety and depression, a clinical psychologist recommended yoga. My Christian “advisers” were horrified, as it is “of the Devil”. They recommended that I should consult a homoeopath instead!

  5. Matt Westwood says:

    @David McNerney: But the fact remains that it *is* complete and utter horseshit. In fact it’s not even that – at least you can use horseshit as fertiliser.

    The trouble is that we’re not “ignorant”, we have a far greater understanding about what is and is not possible than any or the bunch of benighted superstitious mediaeval savages that comprise the Roman Catholic church.

  6. sailor1031 says:

    “The problem here is that you think it’s complete and utter horseshit – when in fact the reality is that it is total horseshit….”

    There- fixed it for ya, David.

    “The opposite of how we normally communicate, where internal thoughts usually precede the formulation of external speech.”

    What this means is that the liturgy is recited by rote without any thought as to what the words may signify. It is just a set of mumbo-jumbo formulae rendered meaningless by constant mindless repetition. Good to see the Rattenfaenger actually admits that!

  7. barriejohn says:

    It is strange that Catholics in particular, and Christians in general, should object so strongly to meditation (they often refer to the story in the gospels about the man who had a demon cast out, upon which, finding the man’s mind nice and empty, the demon found seven more spirits even more wicked than himself and took up residence again!). As the Pope’s comment demonstrates, much of Christian practice has strong similarities to the techniques of other religions or systems – chanting and singing, recitation, prayer (nothing more than self-conditioning, as smeone pointed out here not many days ago), and, of course, meditation itself. This was obvious to me even as a believer, and many Christians have put forward the idea that prayer doesn’t actually change events but changes the person who is praying – which is most definitely NOT what the Bible teaches!

  8. Ray says:

    Josef Pilates developed Pilates training from yoga, so that’s another one for the sin-bin. Hmmm, they should also include a ban on all the martial arts as well.
    The list would be much shorter if the Vatican just published what was allowed.
    Oh Holy See, give us poor sinners guidance!

  9. barriejohn says:

    Slightly related to the above, this is brilliant (OmmmNommmNommm):

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/education/2010/may/03/repetitive-physics-om-improbable-research

  10. Broga says:

    Ray: What!!! Pilates. My wife goes to Pilates twice a week. She told me it strengthens muscles normally not exercised and produces flexibility. Now I discover she may be endangering her soul, participating in wickedness and whatever else goes on in these classes. It gets worse, the Pilates teacher is a supply school teacher, and although she seems fine on the surface when I have met her what might she be doing to her pupils? You really can’t trust anyone these days except, of course, the priests who enlighten us.

  11. AgentCormac says:

    “Excuse me, will you please finish consuming the body of Christ in my presence?”

    Seriously, do these people ever stop and think about what they are actually saying? They have a problem with yoga classes but find cannibalism perfectly acceptable? It’s utterly feckin’ insane!

    As for David McNerney’s point about “…a flawed understanding of Catholic theology”. Personally, I find the art of trying to hammer the round peg of religion into the square hole of reality (aka theology) to be one of the most intellectually insulting practices the RCC has ever dreamed up. It is bollocks dressed up as philosophy; cringe-worthy fantasy dressed up as truth. If anyone’s understanding is flawed it is those who cannot make sense of the world around them without having to try and rationalise it through the obfuscating prism of religious absurdity.

  12. JohnMWhite says:

    I am amused that apparently the Catholic Church is a member of the Council of Faiths in Southampton and yet are so offended by the existence of other faiths they boot out exercise instructors the moment they get a whiff of Hinduism. They’re not exactly a friendly bunch, are they? As usual, the Catholic Church thinks that talking to other faiths means lecturing them on how wrong they are and never being challenged on their own faith (see the unthinking, reactionary numpty in comment number one), and can’t even stand the concept of live and let live.

    Though it’s hilarious that Ratzinger apparently thinks the liturgy is communist. Though for the record, the liturgy isn’t so much prayer as it is the process and template of worship – the readings, the offertory, communion, etc. It’s another word for Mass, in short, and it most definitely is not ‘work done by the people’.

  13. JohnMWhite says:

    @AgentCormac – good point about that weird comment regarding eating the body of Christ. Also, am I the only one whose first reaction to that sentence was “is this a fetish?” It really does come off as a bit creepy, the idea that a man would sidle up to you and ask you to please finish eating while he watches. Not to mention being tremendously rude, but as ever, Catholic priests do not think that social norms and niceties apply to them.

    I wonder if anybody ever replied to him “only if I can watch the kids finish eating cream off your thighs”.

  14. The Woggler says:

    ‘Excuse me, will you please finish consuming the body of Christ in my presence?’

    What, including his willy?

  15. Lucy says:

    @ Barriejohn. I once was told by an evangelical xtian that homeopathy was banned by her church as it was impossible to understand how it works so it must be from the devil.
    Hard to know where to go with this, except marvel at the human mind.

  16. Lucy says:

    And another thing @David McNerny. I do know and understand RC theology. I still think it is absolute bollocks and evil with it.
    Do not fall into the trap of assuming that if someone disagrees with you they are ignorant or wilful. Maybe they are right.

  17. remigius says:

    Lucy. I think Mr McNerdy was being playful!

  18. barriejohn says:

    Lucy: There seem to be strong similarities between homoeopathy and religion, especially in the “magical” shaking of the liquid – something which is often overlooked. I suppose that apart from the fact that patients might be dissuaded from seeking proper treatment for their conditions, one thing to be said in its favour is that it can’t do much harm!

    http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/cma/lowres/cman433l.jpg

  19. Broga says:

    @barriejohn: Our very own dear Queen is said to be an enthusiast for homeopathy and she a very religious person. And her lovely son and heir the somewhat lacking in marital fidelity Charles is a homeopathy enthusiast and very keen on religion. Neither of them seem too keen to follow their Master’s injuction of “Blessed are the poor” as they appear to be keen to get their hands on as much cash as possible.

  20. Broga says:

    On the danger of Pilates I thought that I ought to alert my wife, currently away from home visiting the sprogs, of the danger to her immortal soul of participating in Pilates. Normally she is the sweetest and most gentle of creatures but I regret that her reply to this was such that I cannot repeat it on a family site such as this which is visited by so many of a sensitive disposition.

  21. AgentCormac says:

    JMC – the whole ‘eating of flesh, drinking of blood’ thang is so abhorrent, so utterly repulsive to one’s entire being that I honestly cannot understand why people still go along with it. It is, and always has been, a cynical and horribly calculated strategy by the RCC to make anyone and everyone (including children) complicit in the most inhumane of acts. And once shared, there is no escape.

    Is there no end to their shame?

  22. Matt Westwood says:

    I’m reminded of when as a student I was away from home for the first time. I was visited by some of the more insanely paranoid of the pit of fundamentalists I fell foul of in my teens. They found out I’d been burning (*glug*) joss-sticks. I needed to be prayed over.

    I think that was about the time I decided that, hang on, maybe I wasn’t the one there was something wrong with after all.

  23. barriejohn says:

    Speaking of the very real dangers posed by “the occult, New Age and Satanism”, I feel that we should all thank Stephen Green for bringing the following facts to our attention:

    http://www.christianvoice.org.uk/?p=4264

    He is also warning his followers of the danger of consuming food which has been “sacrificed to Allah, the god of Islam”. (I’m not making it up!)

  24. stupidgaloot says:

    i once played badminton in a catholic church hall. Am i going to hell?

  25. remigius says:

    And, barriejohn, we should thank him for drawing our attention to Robin Pillocks new book Saints & Scound Rels (sic). It’s at the top of my Xmas list. Not.

    http://www.christianvoice.org.uk/?p=4295

  26. remigius says:

    And, by the way, Stephen Green is right about Bill Gates being on the side of Evil.

    I bought my laptop, with Windows 7 pre-installed, from PCWorld.

    After a Windows update I now get a blank desktop with the message Build 7600. This copy of Windows is not genuine. I can’t get rid of the bloody thing.

    Microsoft is essentially accusing the UK’s biggest computer retailer of passing off dodgy software.

    What ya playing at Bill?

  27. Broga says:

    I’m afraid I’m not a reader of Christian Voice which seems to pander to the more demented category of christian. However, I was interested to see that one of their dottier contributors, amongst a mad bunch, has the usually kindly fundie Christian love for dipping those with whom he disapproves in the lake of fire for eternity. What is surprising, to me anyway, is that some of those headed for the long term big burn include George Bush and Holy Tony Blair. I thought they would be approved of. I wonder what the criterion is for entry into heaven.

    For your delectation the following is a selection from one christian sadist’s, and presumably follower of gentle Jesus, contribution:

    “These poor doomed folk have no idea what eternity in the lake of fire means as they cling to worldly glory that will pass away as the world will be destroyed and time will be no more.”

  28. barriejohn says:

    George W is “saved”, Broga. Billy Graham gave him a ticket to heaven – kerching!

  29. Buffy says:

    I swear, the zealots will find anything to get their knickers in a twist over. Stretching and posing are going to lead you to the dark side! Aaaaargh!

    It’s not possible for Catholic premises to be used for non-Christian activities,

    Explain all of those Catholic churches that hold bingo nights in their basements. I thought gambling was forbidden by the Bible.

  30. barriejohn says:

    Re Build 7600 (remigius): 7+6 = 13. ‘Nuff said. I knew many Christians who wouldn’t buy a car if it bore an inauspicious registration number!

  31. barriejohn says:

    PS Without a word of a lie: I live at number 17; next door is number 15; and next door to them is number 11!

  32. Robster says:

    The catliks just love calling their halls of delusion “Sacred Heart Church” or similar. I would have thought that all hearts are sacred at least to to those owning one, which is most of us. Does this mean, by implication that there are also non sacred hearts? And what is a scared heart? The catholics must have a big book of really silly names to call upon when they need to name something. In our town, we have things like the “mother of good councel school” or the wonderful “our lady of help xian college”. Huh?

  33. Trevor Blake says:

    It’s not possible for Catholic premises to be used for non-Christian activities.

    A frank admission that child rape is formally condoned in the Roman Catholic Church [link].

  34. Ray says:

    As a kid I was told that when I had Jesus in my mouth it was terribly rude to chew him, but that I was to suck on him instead, and that the priest would be watching.
    Damn, all those years trying to suppress that memory, only for it to pop up again!

  35. barriejohn says:

    Ray: I have to agree with The Woggler (above). Someone must have had Jesus’s cock in his mouth!

  36. RabbitOnAStick says:

    I have to ask why satan would be loitering around church halls waiting for yoga practitioners or mediators or people exercising so he can pop into them. Isn’t he already in all of those vile, disgusting, despicable inhuman priests that rape and abuse children and have been doing for thousands of years?

    And this is just hilarious from father chandler: “There is a greater need for exorcism because there is a greater frequency of the practices of the occult,”

    Isn’t exorcism a form of occult practice in itself. I mean you’d have to be barking mad to think someone contains a ‘demon’ or a ‘devil’ to perform such moronic ‘rites’.

  37. RabbitOnAStick says:

    * sorry fthr thomas

  38. Marky Mark says:

    Typical religious dogma…if you believe in anything else besides what we believe…U will go to hell! And don’t forget to send a check, the great cloud god always needs money.

    A woman I know once use to donate her time to her catholic church, and did the food shopping and cooking. She said those priests ate like kings, steak 3-4 times a week, lobster, and expensive wines. While the working class followers in the community mostly survived on hamburger helper.

  39. Ian says:

    David McNerney

    Posted September 27, 2012 at 11:29 AM

    “What in the name of sweet sanity does this mean?”

    The problem here is that you think it’s complete and utter horseshit – when in fact the reality is that your are ignorant (possibly deliberately) and have a flawed understanding of Catholic theology.

    Not even the Catholics understand Catholic Theology.

  40. Ray says:

    @ Barriejohn
    Yeah, Mary Magdalene is my guess. Although, she may have had her work cut out fighting to get through the throng of the 12 disciples.

  41. Ray says:

    @ Ian

    Richard Feynman “If you think you understand quantum mechanics, you don’t understand quantum mechanics.”

    David McNerney “If you think you understand Catholic Theology, you don’t understand Catholic Theology.”

    See, Religion and science are compatible!

  42. Lazy Susan says:

    The opposite of how we normally communicate, where internal thoughts usually precede the formulation of external speech.

    I think he is on the ball here. On the odd occasion I go to church – when someone’s getting married for example – it is clear that singing well-known hymns brings a huge emotional charge. I always assumed that was why they did it. It’s the same as military ceremonies like the last post, or burials, etc. All of these are situations where we do things or say or sing very standardised words, and receive a reward by feeling good, or at least feeling different, changed, moved.

    Heck, it’s why people listen to music or watch a favourite film or re-read a book over and over. You know the plot, you know how it’s going to end, but still it plays you like a harp.

    The main point is, this is not evidence for the existence of a supernatural being who is intimately concerned with what we do in bed etc. It’s evidence for neurological evolution.

  43. barriejohn says:

    Lazy Susan: That’s what I was trying to say above (but not very well!), and what became increasingly obvious to me as a Christian. It’s all about conditioning (including self-conditioning), which causes those feelings of well-being. The argument about a “God-shaped void in the heart” can be very convincing until you query why so many different religions seem to be able to fill that void, as they can’t all be right; and, of course, the fact that in many cases religion “works” is, as you so rightly say, no proof that there is anything “supernatural” behind it!

  44. The Woggler says:

    Speaking of Ken Ham (as nobody was), I’ve just found something deeply scarey on the AiG website.

    http://blogs.answersingenesis.org/blogs/ken-ham/2012/08/22/garden-celebrations/

  45. David Anderson says:

    Activities coming up next week at your local cafflik church:

    How to get involved in kiddie fucking and avoid the law.

    How to get children to lick cream off your knees (you never know what this may lead to).

    How to fully participate in cannibalism (true fact).

  46. sailor1031 says:

    What a horrible morass of ignorance, superstition and fear must Father Thomas’ mind be. Not only must he accommodate his flawed ideas of catholic theology, but as an exorcist he must also find room for belief in new age woo of all kinds, wicca, satanism and who knows what other groundless nonsense. Djinns perhaps? Fear of the powers of angiokoks, shamans, fakirs? Really! We’ve come a long way since the end of the dark ages – do try to catch up Father Thomas.