‘Come all ye faithful’: Pastor Valdeci Sobrino Picanto pictured in a paddy-wagon on his was to jail
EVANGELICAL pastor Valdeci Sobrino Picanto hit on a crafty way of getting blowjobs. He convinced his followers that his semen was “holy milk” and, according to one of his flock:
He has convinced us that only God could come into our lives through our mouth and that’s why he would do what he did. Often, after worship, pastor Valdeci would take us to the where the funds were kept at the back of the Church and asked us to have oral sex with him until the Holy Spirit would come through ejaculation.
Picanto said after his arrest that he intended sharing his sacred semen with fellow inmates.
See the original Spanish report here.
ROFLMAO! Really? The sheeple are so dumb that they believed him? Oh boy, I wish I were religious, I could con these simpletons out of everything they have, and then some.
I heard a rumour that during one of the pastor’s sermons he asked his congregation if they knew the difference between love, true love and showing off? Allegedly he advised them it was spitting, swallowing and gargling.
I think God enters me through my mouth with the coñac I drink. I usuall wake up saying “Oh God”.
Oh cum all ye faceful!
Pastorised..?
@Glenn
Full cream or foreskinned?
Some people will swallow just about anything.
Oh cum all ye faithful…
All I can say is “EEWWWW.” And this worked? Careful, this is giving the horny GOP ideas..but wait, it’s a waste of those little children God wants created.
I suppose it really isn’t any dumber than believing that wafers can become the body of christ and wine can turn into his blood.
Wow, can people really be that stupid! Another example of what religion does to the brains of the gullible. Was it just women who were conned by this charlatan?
Mine eyes hath seen the glory of the coming of the Lord !
(Yes, I know – groan !)
I agree with Angela_K. It truly is concerning that religion could foster such a profound ignorance that this would actually work.
He has risen, he has risen, glory glory praise the lord.
what’s that about a sucker born every minute…and that you’d find them in church pews, well there you go.
It is very sick and sad that anyone would do such a thing and perhaps more mindboggling that anyone could believe him…However I have to say that I do know some very intellegent christians who definetly wouldnt fall for that so I dont think we can say they are all stupid, just cos this lot were. I have actually been speaking to a ( reputable) christian this week and he told me about someone who was healed and it was medically verified by doctors… to be honest this sort of thing does intrigue me because Ive heard quite a lot of these stories and they do seem to be true… please would you check out Andrew Wommacks website on the healing testimonies section and tell me what you think ?? Its hard to understand why so many people are making the same claims if absolutely none of them are true… please anyway will someone let me know what they think ? thanks x
Calls to mind that Boccaccio story out of the Decameron where a priest seduced an innocent girl by claiming his penis was the devil and her vagina was hell … and doing god’s work was casting the devil into hell. Tasty.
A better headline: Pastor in prison after turning followers into swallowers
It isn’t just religion that breeds such gullibility. A long time ago I remember a tabloid story about a doctor who used to prescribe spanking for his female patients. The part that amazed me was just how long he had been doing it before anyone complained. There seemed to be nobody who thought, ‘you know what? I’m not sure that spanking is actually a medical proceedure, maybe this guy is taking advantage of me’.
Any kook can be a preacher, minister…ect. And if a person is brainwashed from childhood they are more likely to follow people like this without question. People like Charlie Manson, Jim Jones, David Koresh…ect, knew this.
This is why the intellects of the time that created our nation insisted on the separation of church and state. They new how religion could be used to repress a citizenry, and trick them into religious wars that only profited the church.
During our Iraqi War the increase in our military of poor rural Christians was as high as 90% in some states. They simply wanted to kill men of another religion. But what has been documented is that Halliburton and BP received contracts of as much as 30% of the Iraqi oil fields, some of the largest in the world.
Bush and his oil friends made billions…while the poor dumb Christians lost their sons and daughters. Than lost their jobs and homes to the bankers that financed the wars.
The good Christian George W. Bush is no different than this guy, satisfying his needs at the expense of his brainwashed followers, only on a much larger scale.
I look forward to the day when being a religious fanatic will disqualify one from government positions, where critical thinking is a must!
“A long time ago I remember a tabloid story about a doctor who used to prescribe spanking for his female patients. The part that amazed me was just how long he had been doing it before anyone complained.”
I just peed your pants laughing.
@Fiona. Andrew Wommack is just another christian nutjob fleecing the gullible. The so called testimonies of those cured by prayer are circumstantial and wishful thinking with no credit given to prior or ongoing medical treatment; religious web-sites are full of this nonsense. Prayer doesn’t work – fact.
Prayer does work, actually. Every night before I go to bed I say, “Dear Lord Jesus. Please don’t pay any attention to anyone who claims to pray in your name. Amen.” Yep, it’s definitely working.
@Matt Westwood. You little devil!
Fiona: Wommack isn’t even mainstream Christian. I’m not linking to any of the sites that rip him to shreds, as I don’t care, personally, whether he is “scriptural” or not. Reinhard Bonnke claims to be raising people from the dead in his African crusades. Do you believe that? Do you think that that could really happen and there would be any doubt that God was working through him? Do you hear of African hospitals closing their doors wholesale because everyone is being healed? Is AIDS finished on that continent? “Healers” are conmen, one and all. Have a look at this site if you haven’t already done so:
http://www.whywontgodhealamputees.com/
I guess. ZZ TOP will have to change the name of their song to “Pope Steak Boogie”
I thought it was , ” Drink From The Fountain of Life ” ?
This totally looks like an Onion.com story, especially with the comment about sharing his holy semen with fellow inmates! I mean seriously, he’s just askin’ to get butt raped by the unwashed masses!
@fiona
There is an extraordinary amount we do not understand about the relationship between the mind and the body (or rather, they are the same). So it does not surprise me that sometimes people get ill or well, in ways that surprise. What I would never do is ascribe this to an outside agency. It explains nothing. ‘Healers’ can be an agent of engaging people’s internal world, nothing more. And @everyone, I agree, most of these accounts do not stand up to scrutiny, anyway. I recommend ‘Snake Oil’ by John Diamond.
@fiona These people would probably have got better anyway,the body is very good at healing itself. Also the mind has a powerful influence over the healing process.
Reminded me of this case from a few years back:
http://www.westerntelegraph.co.uk/archive/2007/04/26/News+(milf_news)/1356585.Pilot__tricked__teacher_into_sex_to__clear_up_disease_/
@Fiona
I have been in out of hospital all of my life and have witnessed what medicine can and cannot do. I have also witnessed the way faith groups prey on the ill and disabled as they see people like this as easy pickings for their idiotic and, often, dangerous schemes.
There has been no proof that HIV can be cured by faith but there has been plenty of proof in the last few years that death comes much quicker and is more painful when you give up your precribed medication. Look at the crooks who prescribe holy water, juice and prayer.
The seriously ill and disabled are vulnerable. Have you ever spent a prolonged period in severe pain? It is tempting to try almost anything when conventional medicine does not work or seem to be working.
However, none of these case studies you faith-pushers use are for real. As has already been stated, sometimes the body will just heal itself. Sometimes those who take on faith do so at a time when their medicines are beginning to work.
All those that pretend their faith has saved them are doing is making it easier for the crooks to con the vulnerable.
I have been told on several occassions that my condition can be cured by prayer alone. The strange thing is that no one with haemophillia has ever been cured, it is a genetic disorder that you are born with a die with. Two of the creeps who tried to cure me claimed to have evidence of their cure working but were unable/unwilling to give me any details. Do you not find it a little suspicious that when asked for evidence they run away, could it be they were not telling the truth.
Fiona, you main mean well, you are certainly not full of the abuse expected from a troll, but by even partly promoting these ridiculous claims you are helping the con artists who prey on the vulnerable.
Guys, i’m a brazilian and this is a fake news from a joking/satirical site. Even the pastor name is a joke on portuguese, ‘Picanto’ – as a slang name to Dick, in portuguese is ‘Pica’.
But, of course, things like that happens all the time.
This news is false. Like “Onion News” false.
I’m not trying to defend religion or church. Heck, I’m an atheist myself and I have a very big atheist site on Brazil. But I know the site who created the story and it’s a humour site.
Not only that, but the guy on the photo is “Edson Alves da Costa Filho”, which is also a pedophile pastor but didn’t brag about his penis or anything, arrested on Rio de Janeiro. Here’s a brief video on a trusted news network showing him.
So… umm… yeah… it was just a joke.
My penis contains holy lemonade. Care to try some?
Walter Cruz and Alenonimo. Many thanks! Shame it is a joke but reading everyday some new story about abusive Priests, this story seems quite plausible.
Angela, my thoughts exactly.
It’s hard to tell parody from reality when it comes to these loons.
Where is Oral Roberts when we need him most.
Hook him up to a cow ‘milker’ and let it run till he expires…..
IF THE PASTOR HAD ASKED THEM TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON THE FIRE, WOULD THEY HAVE DONE SO ? I WONDER ! SO WHO IS THE BIGGER FOOL HERE? PITY; THE WORLD IS FULL OF SO MANY NUT CASES.
I remember a story about an idiot who died after being bitten by a snake he used as part of his ministry.
If there was a god it would have created more psychoanalysts and less preachers.
It’s a hoax. http://www.aporeemfoco.com.br/abrenoticia.asp?id=2965
This is for you, Fiona. I’m a former pastor who found out the HARD way that religion is foolishness, deceiving, and capable of causing years of wasted living.The jury is in-religions are man made ideas about a God they don’t know anything about. But, for me the jury is still out on is there a God and what’s he like? I know what he can’t possibly be like as I spent more years than I care to mention “serving” him only to find I’d been duped. Yes, I was stupid and shame on me. BUT, in all fairness I was at a conference in Colorado where Andrew Wommack (nice guy) and his co-speaker, Dave Duell, were teaching and he called me up front out of a room full of people and said “you have one leg shorter than the other and God’s gonna fix it right now.” I fell to the floor and he held my leg up for all to see and said “everybody watch this!” To my amazement my leg lengthened to the same length as the other one, and I felt it and everyone in the room saw it grow. No explanation-just saying it happened. I know I’ll be eaten alive by bloggers on this site for sending this in, but it happened anyway. All of you are right-religions of all kinds are dangerous and they do prey on the weak and needy. But what if there is a God and he has nothing to do with religion, he’s just his own deal. I wonder…
ahahahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahah
……and they really swallowed that!!DWL