Fred Phelps’ dead mother catapulted into lesbianism by hilarious satanic graveside caper
UNTIL mid-July, the shade of Catherine Idalette Johnston – mother of Fred Phelps, founder of the God Hates Fags Westboro
Batshit Baptist Church in Topeko, Kansas – was meandering pointlessly around heaven, bored out of her gourd, when she suddenly she turned lesbian.
The “conversion” took place at a “pink mass” conducted at her grave by The Satanic Temple, a New York-based organization that seeks to foster “benevolence and empathy among all people” through Satan. Apart from having two gay couples snogging over the tombstone, the temple’s horn-wearing Lucien Greaves laid his dick on the grave.
The object of this zany caper was to turn Catherine Idalette:
Gay for all eternity.
That, of course, presupposes that she wasn’t gay to begin with.
The Satanic Temple website, which has the cheeky URL www.westboro-baptist.com, declared:
Upon completion of the pink mass ceremony, Catherine Johnston is now gay in the afterlife. Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay … [and] if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that his mother is now gay.
The temple is now encouraging same-sex couples to visit the grave and perform their own “pink masses”.
The idea for the “pink mass” came about in April, after the WBC threatened to protest the funerals of the Boston Marathon bombing victims. The website compared the the “pink mass” to:
The Mormon practice of baptizing the dead, only much gayer.
In an email to The Huffington Post, Greaves indicated that the ritual could be an effective counter-protest.
We intend to perform the pink mass for both Fred Phelps’s father and great-aunt who raised him after his mother’s death, but only in reply to their future pickets. The pink mass could be used to protest other anti-gay hysterics, but it is particularly appropriate when applied to Westboro.
Was her first conquest in the Afterlife Mary Whitehouse – ewww!?
Or better still, the Virgin Mary?
Alas, we shall probably never know.