Bits of St John ‘The Wonderworker’ and Mohammed the Paedophile are trundled out to work their magic
REMNANTS of St John of Shangai – also known as St John the Wonderworker – were brought at the weekend to St Nicholas’ Russian Orthodox Church to “edify” worshippers in the wake of a protest staged at the church by gay rights activists.
It’s not exactly clear from this report what the church had in mind when they brought some of St John’s remains into the building other than to “edify” the flock, but one can only assume it was to cleanse it of any malign influences left by the The Gays.
For those of you who are remotely interested, St John was born Mikhail Borisovich Maximovitch in 1896 in the Ukraine. He had “great powers of prophecy, clairvoyance and healing” and died in Seattle in 1966.
In 1994 he was “solemnly glorified on the twenty-eighth anniversary of his death. His unembalmed relics now occupy a shrine in the San Francisco’s Holy Virgin Cathedral’s nave, and are apparently only brought out to when infestations of gays occur in and around Russian Orthodox Church property.
And speaking of remnants of dead people, I was intrigued to learn that some hair that once grew on the “prophet” Mohammed have given for a rinse and set in Makhachkala, the capital of the Dagestan republic.
Makhachkala is currently hosting a six-day exhibition of Big Mo’s “relics and belongings”, which is expected to be attract up to two million people in gender segregated groups. Muslim women will be allowed in from today, August 30.
Ahead of the exhibition, Mo’s hair had to be washed from water from the “sacred” Zamzam well in Mecca. Here’s the reason why:
Each of the sacred hairs casts a shadow just if people have touched it or wafted it with incense. In that case it must be washed from bottom to top. If it still casts a shadow after that, it means it hasn’t been dried enough. So the sacred hairs don’t cast any shadows by themselves but only do so because of various substances that stick to them. If they are washed correctly, especially with water from Zamzam, they will cast no shadow.
Thanks for that “edifying” explanation, Sheikh Ahmad Muhammad Al Khazraji.
By the way, Mo does not believe in travelling light. It took three flights from the United Arab Emirates to bring his belongings to Makhachkala.
In July, the “noble hair and beard” of Mo formed part of an Islamic exhibition in New Jersey.
According to this report:
It is one of the miracles of Islam that the relics of Holy Prophet have been preserved and exist in the same condition with no decay. These relics are preserved at some places which also include Topaki Palace Museum in Turkey.
Prophet Muhammad during his Hajj pilgrimage had distributed his hair to his companions. The companions kept them sacredly and passed over to next generation. Passing from generations to generations many such hair are available now and kept with high dignity in many parts of the world.