It’s OK to hate gays, but not biblical violence
AN AUSTRALIAN who doesn’t mince his words – in fact, he probably doesn’t mince at all – listed gays among his dislikes when he registered with the dating agency Christian Mingle (motto: “Find God’s Match for You”).
A few days later Rich Wisken received a notification from Mingle notifying him that various parts of his profile had been expunged in line with their policy of not allowing:
Anything that can be considered defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, obscene, profane, offensive, sexually oriented, threatening, harassing, racially offensive, or illegal.
Wisken’s original profile read as follows:
Hi ladies (definitely not men)
My name’s Rich, and I’m just a typical old school Christian dude. By old school, I mean Old Testament. Give me the wrath of God over the grace of God any day. Soft New Testament rubbish? Ain’t nobody got time for that!
If you enjoy nothing more than kicking back with a copy of the good book and reminding yourself how much of a repulsive, flawed, weak and broken sinner you are, then I’m the guy for you.
Being a decent God-fearing Christian – who lives his life strictly in accordance with the Old Testament – I find it difficult to understand why I’ve had such difficulty finding a wife. I really don’t expect too much from the woman I own; just that she’s a virgin, obeys my every command, and realises she’s inferior to me in every way.
Anyway, if you’d like to get to know me a bit better, check out my Likes, Dislikes and Hobbies below:
Taylor Swift, Walks on the beach, Romantic comedies, Poetry, Murder, Genocide, Floods, Droughts, Earthquakes, Plagues, Famine, Racism, Filicide, Disease, Ethnic cleansing, Really big wooden boats full of animals, Paedophilia, Homophobia, Misogyny, Torture, Smite, Infanticide, Sadomasochism, Contradictions, Genital mutilation, Capital punishment, Self-flagellation, Polygamy, Fire, Brimstone, Incest, Rape, Slavery
Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, Spicy food, Condoms, Science, Gays, Shellfish, Mixing fabrics, Bacon, Tattoos, Trimming my hair/beard, Blasphemy
Golf, Gardening, Bird watching, Tenpin bowling, Pilates, Stoning psychics to death, Murdering those who curseth thy mother and father, Killing those who worship other Gods, Human/animal sacrifice, Executing my neighbours for working on the Sabbath, Murdering homosexuals, disobedient children and babies
So ladies, like what you see? Do you think I could be your special someone? If so, feel free to send me a message, but please, no Beliebers, Directioners, or New Testament time wasters.
Mingle editors swiftly got to work, and posted this version of his profile:
Wisken angrily responded to the deletion of all biblical atrocities:
God LOVES all that stuff, so why on earth would you delete it from my profile? At this stage I have to assume it was all just a big mistake. If that’s the case, I forgive you.
Okay, so just to clarify, you’re saying that it’s definitely NOT okay to:
• Like really big wooden boats full of animals, or the rest of the fun, violent stuff in the Bible … but totally okay to:
• View yourself as a repulsive, flawed, weak and broken sinner.
• Own a woman – as long as she’s a virgin who obeys your every command, and realises she’s inferior to you in every way.
• Dislike gays (all of them).
Whilst misogyny and homophobia are all well and good, I’d like to remind you that if the word of God isn’t followed to the letter, you’ll burn in hell for eternity. Please Christian Mingle, no more cherry picking.
Anyway, please ignore me if the editing of my profile was just an error on your part. If it was, I very much look forward to it being restored ASAP. If it was deliberate, I pray that you all die violent deaths for disobeying your creator.
PS Why did you also remove my profile photo? (below).
Rich is a prolific writer of letters of complaint. After he was seated in Last December on a Jetstar flight next an obese and smelly passenger, he wrote a letter of complaint to the airline that went viral.
Was his fellow traveller possibly the British Communities Secretary and staunch defender of Christianity, Eric Pickles?
This is what Simon Hoggart once wrote of Pickles:
…. Given Mr Pickles’s mighty frame – the floor of the house shudders when he gets to his feet – he needs a Spud U Like on every street in the land, and several in some. Indeed, they should be spaced so that by the time he has wolfed down one, there’s another outlet in which he can buy the next!