Noah ‘a floating piece of giraffe crap’

Noah ‘a floating piece of giraffe crap’

US STAND-UP comedian and TV host Bill Maher used the movie Noah at the weekend to launch a blistering – and very funny attack – on religion and God, whom he described as a “psychotic mass murderer.”

Maher kicked of by saying that he’s sick of seeing ads for Darren Aronofsky’s “floating piece of giraffe crap”, Noah.

While he allows that the film “must be doing something right,” since it’s already angering both Christians and Muslims, the fact that 60 percent of adult Americans believe that the story of Noah is literally true is proof enough for Maher that “this is a stupid country.”

But more important than the implausibility of the tale, Maher says it’s immoral.

It’s about a psychotic mass murderer who gets away with it, and his name is God.

And the sure-to-offend-Christians zingers keep coming from there:

What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he’s mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie.

Hey, God, you know you’re kind of a dick when you’re in a movie with Russell Crowe and you’re the one with anger issues.

You know conservatives are always going on about how Americans are losing their values and their morality, well maybe it’s because you worship a guy who drowns babies.

Lamenting that anyone would take their moral marching orders from the Bible, Maher wraps things up by hammering almost every religion as irrational, especially in light of conservative political ideology:

I’m reminded as we’ve just started Lent, that conservatives are always complaining about too much restraining regulation and how they love freedom, but they’re the religious ones who voluntarily invent restrictions for themselves.

 On a hot summer day, Orthodox Jews wear black wool, on a cold winter night Mormons can’t drink a hot chocolate … isn’t life hard enough without making shit up out of thin air to fuck with yourself?

This cartoon, showing Noah thumbing his nose at God, is particularly apt. It first appeared in the Freethinker in 1882, and was one of several that led to G W Foote's prosecution for blasphemy.

This cartoon, showing Noah thumbing his nose at God, is particularly apt. It first appeared in the Freethinker in 1882, and was one of several that led to G W Foote’s prosecution for blasphemy.

26 responses to “Noah ‘a floating piece of giraffe crap’”

  1. Paul Cook says:


    It is true. I read it.

    And the flood WAS caused by gays.

  2. The Woggler says:

    The recent Thor movie dared to suggest the Gods of Valhalla were actually mortal. Blasphemy.

    As for the Noah movie, the only good reason to see it as far as I’m concerned is to ensure that it makes money and pisses off the religiobots big time. However, I think I won’t be contributing.

  3. Broga says:

    A brilliant diatribe against religion. This is what we need a public figure in the UK to day. Instead the “must not offend religion” and “must treat religion with respect” continues to be a barrier to expressing what almost everyone knows: the preaching are preaching the incredible.

    I like Hugh Trevor-Roper’s comments on religion from his excellent biography by Adam Sisman. Try these:

    He described clergymen as “parasites on the incredulity of the mob” paid to repeat “a lot of hocus pocus no one believes in.”

    Religious belief as belief in “mumbo jumbo.”

    He occasionally attended church services in “a spirit of critical amusement.”

    And in the plus ca change section of this post he refers to “narrowly escaping rape” at the hands of Father D’Arcy who, as many here will know, was the slippery Jesuit famous, or maybe infamous, for converting the famous.

  4. barriejohn says:

    Broga: Following the helicopter crash that killed Lord Ballyedmond last week, the BBC wheeled out some enthusiastic Vicar of Dibley type (so PC) to announce in breathless tones that they would be having prayers on the Sunday for those who had died, as if that would somehow help the situation. How can you pray for a person who has died? Their sense of self-worth is beyond belief. I’m sure they actually pray for disasters so that they are given further opportunity to peddle their primitive superstitions.

  5. barriejohn says:

    Talking about people praying for disasters, here’s the latest on Fred Phelps:

  6. Broga says:

    barriejohn: Lots of prayers at present for the missing aircraft. If they find it in one piece with the passengers alive that will be proof that prayers work. No argument. The evidence is in front of you.

    I heard another of those people who don’t want to let gays inhabit their accommodation. This one went even further. He would not let unmarried heterosexuals share the same bed. He was whining that he was entitled to follow his faith. Highly selective, of course, in view of the many biblical requirements I assume he does not follow.

  7. barriejohn says:

    Broga: This one?

    Andrew Minichiello Williams, chief executive of the Christian Legal Centre, said: “This case is about Christian conscience and the right to live out our faith in the public space.

    “It is disappointing that our courts do not recognise this and this is why we are taking this case to Europe where we hope to secure justice.

    “It is ironic that the court in Strasbourg seems to understand the nature of Christian faith better than our own courts.”

  8. Paul Cook says:

    It is odd but despite all the evidence that praying for some one else does not help that person at all, if for example they are ill, in fact in some studies they actually got worse [which would be funny if not tragic], but it does do an amount of good for the person praying. Oddly enough.

    Jared Diamond’s new book refers to jewish women in shelters under Palestinian/Hamas rocket attacks. And they measured the blood pressure and I guess the stress hormones of those who prayed and those who didn’t. Oddly enough, the sky fairy lobbying types were less stressed than the normal ones who didn’t call on the sky fairy for help.

    It doesn’t mean there is a sky fairy, just that you can get people to believe in any old shit to feel better. The mind is a powerful thing indeed. And I would suggest it is a good example of brainwashing rather than a stress release. Meditating using TM , would I have no doubt, be just as effective.

  9. Barry Duke says:

    OT but funny: Pope says “Fuck” in papal address:

    Incidentally, I have a very old T shirt that has the word “Cazzo” boldly printed on the on the front. It almost gave a TV film man heart failure at a film festival in Sitges, Spain. I was being filmed chatting to Jody Foster when he saw the shirt. He rushed over and dragged me away from the star.

  10. Broga says:

    @barriejohn: That is he and I suppose being a Pentecostal Assembly of God member gives a pointer to his selective literalism. I wonder what he means by marriage. Does Register Office marriage count? Or what about those five minute marriage ceremonies in Las Vegas? Or any of the marriage ceremonies carried out by a variety of religions whose beliefs certainly do not accord with his own. Or suppose its a remarriage after divorce? Isn’t marriage supposed to be indissoluble? Or Mormons – can they bring their multiple wives.

    He seems to think he is “being hunted down by the state” and Christians face discrimination. That’s the kind of discrimination that allows 26 unelected bishops in the government;, the robbery of people, who may be atheists, by the infamous chancel tax, the tax funded support for faith schools, the swamping of the BBC airwaves with religion while censoring atheism …………..

  11. Broga says:

    PS: Or what about unconsummated marriage? The Victorian courts took the view that if there was no fucking (as Frankie might say – thanks Barry) there was no marriage. John Ruskin was married to his wife Effie for six years and the marriage was annulled because after medical examination Effie was confirmed as being a virgin.

    This could get tricky for the Christian guesthouse owner. Couple arrive wanting a double room. They say, “Yes we are married.”

    Guesthouse owner, “That’s all very well and easy enough to claim. But I must make sure. I have my Christian principles to uphold. So if your wife would just lie on the bed and remove her knickers I will confirm that your union has been legitimised in the eyes of God by being consummated.”

  12. barriejohn says:

    Broga: Here’s what he said.

    “The very essence of this country is being altered on a political whim.

    “There does seem to be a liberal secular agenda that is being driven through quite forcibly, not just the homosexual agenda.”

    Sounds like one of Farage’s disciples – except, as you say, they are very selective about what they take literally from the “Good Book”!

    Shouldn’t someone with a “weakness for women” be stoned to death? Maybe Rev Dr James David Manning could help us out there, as he seems to have deep knowledge of thsese things.

  13. Brummie says:

    @ Broga. re- UK anti-religion public figure.
    We do have Pat Condell who is just as brilliantly assertive.
    I wonder if Bill Maher gets as many death threats as Condell?

  14. barriejohn says:

    Brummie: Except that Pat Condell seems to have been sidetracked by his anti-Palestinian agenda now. I don’t bother with him any more than I would Spencer and Geller nowadays.

    Paul Cook: There is much in common between religious belief and “positive thinking”. When I was suffering from depression I read a lot of “self-help” books, and, as an ex-evangelical protestant, I found the similarities amazing. There is the same downside too: you are responsible for your own success and happiness, which can have devastating effects, as it does on many Christians who feel that they have “failed”. It also occurred to me that much “worship” is akin to meditation and self-hypnosis – prayer, chanting, contemplation, as well as the more blatant rabble-rousing gatherings (I also have experience of MLM!). The religious just can’t see this, of course, and I remember on many an occasion after a particularly fiery preacher had descended from the platform he would be told by the elders: “You were helped tonight”. Bullshit – he just got worked up, that’s all!

  15. AgentCormac says:

    OT but potentially very exciting – scientists claim to have discovered extraordinary new evidence to support a Big Bang Theory for the origin of the Universe. Apparently this new evidence is being described as a true ‘smoking gun’. Wait for the religiots to start trying to discredit it, or claim that ‘god deliberately made it look that way’.

  16. RussellW says:

    The Noah’s Ark myth isn’t even original, it was plagiarised from the Sumerians.


    Agree about Pat Condell, he’s lost the plot completely and transformed into a Zionist propagandist.

  17. ZombieHunter says:

    Bill Maher hits the nail on the head yet again

  18. John C says:

    Used to respect Pat Condell, now he is a toadie for Israel, Islam being bad does not make Israel automaticaly good for being their enemy,remember that extreme judaism is just as crazy as islam,has a self superior attitude and gained the state of israel through acts of terror and force of arms against the palestinians.Without our involvement in recognising Israel,steming from biblical roots as a convenient excuse,the muslim extremists would not of become the force they have today,nothing like being the martyred underdog to get religious crazy flowing.

  19. 1859 says:

    When I first came across Pat Condell about 5 years ago he was very funny and his wit acidic, but now he often comes across as a ranting, very embittered talking-head. Maher, on the other hand, can deliver a really nasty joke that tears religion apart, yet he still remains funny and light-hearted. There’s no one, to my knowledge, like this in the UK.

  20. barriejohn says:

    Speaking of the Palestinians, everyone should watch this. It’s heartbreaking really.

  21. Ex Patriot says:

    Well said Bill Maher. Also it is hard to believe that there are that many idiots in the U,S No wonder there are so many fools elected to office. I just hope the rational thinking people really get out and vote this year, we need them badly

  22. barriejohn says:

    Here’s someone who is adept at taking the piss out of the religiots:

    He’s on BBC2 on Saturday nights. I roared with laughter when, in an earlier series, he referred to the events of the Ninth of November. The audience didn’t react at all, which made it even funnier!

  23. barriejohn says:

    Here it is:

    Comment (1 day ago): The 9th of November? Did he mean the 9th of September or what Americans call 911 when thousands died in the terrorist attack in New York?

    I’m absolutely pissing myself again!

  24. Tony Buck says:

    Myth is always rooted in historical fact. For example, King Arthur really did exist, despite the stories that have grown up around him.

    The geneticists (explaining why different human races aren’t more different from each other, despite how long humans have been around) say that in prehistory, humanity was wiped out down to about 60 – 80 people; Noah and friends ?