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Christian jerks spark masturbation panic in Idaho

Christian jerks spark masturbation panic in Idaho

AFTER Christian parents pressurised an Idaho school to ban a book that mentioned masturbation, a junior at Mountain View High school took matters into her own hands and organised a give-away of The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, by Sherman Alexie.

Outraged over the fact that the school had removed the book from its reading list, high school Junior Brady Kissel, above, decided to take a bunch of the books over to a nearby park and began handing them out for free to interested students.

Then the police got involved.

Christan parents – who claim the book is anti-Christian – were enraged and tried to get Kissel’s anti-censorship stand quashed.

The parents claimed it was too sexual for their 10th graders and claimed that a reference to buffing the banana made it ungodly:

The line that parents found scandalous reads:

If God hadn’t wanted us to masturbate, then God wouldn’t have given us thumbs.

While many parents shrugged and argued, not without reason, that an American 10th grader has almost certainly been exposed to something more licentious than that even on network television, the vocal minority won out.

After about an hour, police showed up. They said they had been called by a concerned citizen who were upset that the books were available to the teens without a parent’s permission.

After talking to Kissel, they concluded that there is nothing illegal with handing out books in a park, even ones that use the word “masturbate,” and they left without further action.

Published in 2009, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian has become a popular choice for schools interested in talking about the life of Native American kids growing up today. It’s been received well both by critics and students for its wit and charm.

It’s so popular with kids, that when the book was banned, a petition circulated within the school garnered over 300 signatures asking that the book be reinstated. A review by the School Library Journal calls it a “first purchase for all libraries” and it currently has a 4.5 star-rating out of hundreds of reviews on Amazon.

 

37 responses to “Christian jerks spark masturbation panic in Idaho”

  1. Bubba T Flubba says:

    Wankers

  2. annette says:

    I guess these poor idiots will faint when they walk in on
    their 10th grader “buffing the banana” like any other normal
    human has done. Them included.

  3. jay says:

    That quote is not accurate. My parrot does not have thumbs but manages anyhow

  4. CJ Asfour says:

    Do they still think, one will go blind? I find this to be a very amusing story, however, the power to ban a book is in the wrong hands

  5. Canada Dave says:

    Well according to the bible you do not need a pecker to procreate.

    You make people out of dust and ribs.

    Begs the question does it not?…What is your pecker and the female non mentionable parts for then?………you guessed …fun.

  6. barriejohn says:

    Most teenage boys have “thumbed through” a good few magazines, I’d say. But did you realize that the First Amendment only protects the rights of Christians in America?

    http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/05/02/alabamas-chief-justice-buddha-didnt-create-us-so-first-amendment-only-protects-christians/

  7. Matt Westwood says:

    “… books were available to the teens without a parent’s permission.”

    In my teens I had to hide most of my books. I was generally okay with John Wyndham and Isaac Asimov (although The Naked Sun needed to be smuggled in under a schoolbook because of the rude word in the title), but practically everything else I managed to lay my hands on had Adult Themes. (And even in Wyndham’s “The Chrysalids” there are bare breasts, so I had to read even that with one eye metaphorically looking back over my shoulder.)

    I believe that 14 should be the age at which a child should be considered “adult”, not 21. It was only a couple of generations ago that a 14-year-old would have been able to leave school and start work in the adult world.

  8. Matt Westwood says:

    If you’re frightened of your child masturbating, then give them something to do to stop them getting bored. For example, I’m teaching my boys food preparation techniques. So they know how a steak should be tenderised, I’ve been giving them lessons in how to beat the meat.

  9. Sally in MI says:

    Pretty funny. Banning books. Parents, if your 10th grader is shocked by those sentences, you have failed. I learned everything I knew about sex from books. My parents told us nothing except, “don’t come home pregnant.” Big help, huh? Someone I managed to get through college without having intercourse, although my fiancé and I did a whole lot of other stuff. Wake up, parents. It’s 2014. Your kid won;t get corrupted by a book.
    Romeo and Juliet came out when I was a senior. Our English teacher planned a field trip for us to see it in the theater. A lot of kids had to fight to be allowed to go…you know, heaving breasts and all that stuff. We lived.

  10. L.Long says:

    Censorship! the last resort of the insanely stupid.

  11. Dave Godfrey says:

    The holy babble has nothing to say about masturbation. In which case, it is neither sinful nor anti-Christian.

  12. Maggie says:

    Sally in MI, regarding ‘Romeo and Juliet’. You were a senior in 1597?

  13. Broga says:

    In my long gone days at Grammar School it was Hank Janson with his trilby and trench coat. However, the Song of Solomon had something to offer with little deer and breasts as I recall. The Christian nutters could find plenty of other things in the bible to object to: child slaughter, torture, vengeance, tyrant God etc. etc.

  14. Paul Cook says:

    A book on genocide and mass murder of babies, children, the old, the sick the infirm, the good, the bad, the indifferent – one that allows a father to let his daughter get gang raped and his slave gang raped and then murdered – thats ok but one with a word masturbation needs to be banned.

    Tow things:
    1. These morons cannot read – if they could they would know their pamphlets a lot better; and
    2. I hope these people don’t have sex & reproduce then they will, with luck, all die out.

  15. Paul Cook says:

    OT –
    And, am I the only one that thinks she looks a bit like Anne Hathaway the actress?

  16. andym says:

    @ Matt. I laughed out loud at that.

  17. Matt Westwood says:

    @andym: Okay, so let’s do another one.

    Apparently the local bishop has got on the case, on teh side of the parents. This has caused backlsh among the teenagers who have been actively posting messages condemning his involvement.

    In return, the parents have been specifically instructing the children that they should not bash the bishop.

  18. barriejohn says:

    The holy babble has nothing to say about masturbation. In which case, it is neither sinful nor anti-Christian.

    I think that’s right, despite the “sin” of Onan – which was something entirely different to “Onanism”. However Christians have a LOT to say on the subject, the religious being obsessed with preventing people from enjoying themselves. The following is a somewhat surprisingly balanced view of the subject – there are other sites where the young in particular are warned of dire consequences if they engage in the act!

    http://www.religioustolerance.org/masturba3.htm

  19. Graham Martin-Royle says:

    Do these idiotic parents really believe that by banning this book they’ll stop their children from masturbating? There is nothing on this planet that will stop a teenage boy from masturbating. Anyway, what’s so wrong about masturbation? It’s one of the most pleasurable things anyone can do. I’ve often been called a wanker and to me, that’s not an insult, it’s a true description. 🙂

  20. Matt Westwood says:

    Now my boys have learned how to beat the meat, I’m going to take them out dancing. There’s a particular dance step I want them to learn: the five-knuckle shuffle. I will introduce them to a particularly uplifting family I know: Mrs. Rosie Palm and her five slim daughters. I understand they are highly agile and wonderfully accommodating. On the dance floor that is. And they have even signed a purity pledge.

  21. barriejohn says:

    Did someone mention this initiative on the Freethinker site?

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/humanists-put-faith-to-test-by-giving-schools-free-copies-of-atheist-bible-9303706.html

    Maybe American freethinkers might like to do the same thing!

  22. Brian Jordan says:

    The parents claimed it was too sexual for their 10th graders and claimed that a reference to buffing the banana made it ungodly:Buffing bananas ungodly? I’d have thought Ray Comfort would quite approve.

  23. Broga says:

    ‘barriejohn: Regarding your link. An article in the “New Scientist” this week says that the fastest increasing religious group is the one where people say, “no religion.” I can see why the churches are in a panic. Some lovely ladies’ dresses, richly adorned and worn by men, and silly hats, may have no use in future.

  24. L.Long says:

    Well Dave although there is NOTHING against masturbating in the buyBull it does not stop bigots from reinterpreting other parts to support their bigoted ideas.
    “There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It is save, clean, enjoyable, and you don’t have to drive home afterwards. But it sure is lonely.” RH.

  25. Broga says:

    @L.Long: Little story. Prisoner visitor meets prisoner and says he must be lonely and missing any girlfriends.

    “No,” says the prisoner. “I prefer masturbating.”

    “I’m surprised”, says the visitor. “Why is that?”

    “I meet a better class of women that way,” explains the prisoner.

  26. zombiehunter says:

    these morons never seem to learn that the more they call for something to be banned the more it’ll make people want it

  27. charlie says:

    More xtian stupidity. Kids and adults have been masturbating since the dawn of man. Good grief these people take stupid to even new levels. It does not surprise me that the fastest growing segment of people now claim “no religion” as their choice. About time that the masses wake up to the fraud of organized religion as we have know it for more than 2000 years.

  28. sailor1031 says:

    I believe that Onan’s hideous crime was to spill seed on the ground. It must not be a sin any more because I spilled some seed on the ground only yesterday while refilling the bird feeders. No worries; the squirrels grabbed it and ran and there was no thunderbolt from doG.

    I believe that spilling seed into a handkerchief, a tissue, a piece of paper towel or an item of underwear (to name only a few possibilities) is likewise not a sin.

    But seriously, are we to imagine for a gigasecond that none of these parents ever choked a chicken or buffed a banana? In any case they are way too late in tenth grade, most children learn as infants that you can make yourself feel really good “down there”.

  29. Dog Gone says:

    And coincidentally, May in the U.S. is National Masturbation Month! Going strong since 1995
    http://www.examiner.com/article/is-may-really-national-masturbation-month

    What a shame the UK abandoned Wank Week………

  30. barriejohn says:

    @sailor1031: Onan’s “sin” was that he didn’t have a child by his brother’s wife. It’s fairly obvious when you read the passage in Genesis 38; “spilling his seed on the ground” is an adjunct to that. God does a lot of slaying though!

  31. Matt Westwood says:

    Of course, we all know what it was that Er did that was “evil in the sight of the Lord”. He committed the sin of hesitancy.

  32. sailor1031 says:

    @Barrie: yeah, I know but the “seed spilling” meme was just irresistible. Interesting that Onan’s sin was NOT getting his brother’s wife pregnant whereas, although JC came not to change the law but to fulfill it – no changes before the second coming etc., nowadays it’s porking your brother’s wife that would be sinful.

  33. Matt Westwood says:

    “… nowadays it’s porking your brother’s wife that would be sinful.”

    Only if he’s still alive …

  34. andym says:

    @Sailor. The poet and all round wit Dorothy Parker used to have a parrot called “Onan.” So-called because he used to spill his seed on the floor.

  35. barriejohn says:

    Sailor/Matt: “…nowadays it’s porking your brother’s wife that would be sinful.”

    I have never understood why, in the Middle Ages in particular, it was taboo to have intercourse with a sibling’s partner even though the sibling was dead. There is no justification for such a view in the Bible – in fact the NT states quite clearly that a person is free from obligation when a partner dies. To me, it just goes to show that religion is an adult version of not stepping on the cracks in the pavement!