God for the retarded
I RECENTLY discovered Ben C O Grimm’s Atheism News Magazine – and have been regularly checking into it to see what’s going on in the mad, bad world of religion.
The reports on Grimm’s site are, by and large, pretty grim, the most horrifying today being the Christmas day attacks by mad Muslims in Nigeria – but I couldn’t help chuckling over a book cover reproduced there.
Entitled Helping the retarded to know God: A guide for Christian teachers of the mentally handicapped by Hans R Hahn and Werner H Raasch, it set me wondering whether this abomination is still available.
It is. Just. Amazon has one copy for … wait for it … $290.00! But is doubtful it will sell, as reviews on Amazon isn’t exactly encouraging.
Here are a couple of samples:
• A little known fact is this was the original title of the holy Bible. As you can imagine sales weren’t that great so they changed the name in an effort to market to some of the smarter retards. What a great find, this is a real historical gem.
• Unfortunately, I purchased this product with the intent of teaching an able-bodied child about our Lord and Savior. Guess how well that went? Well, shortly after our second bible study, the child began to behave strangely. He requested pudding, and I gave it to him. He walked into a wall and dropped the pudding. I think we all know what transpired. Yes, the child came to know God, but the child is now retarded. I accept full responsibility for my mistake and I have prayed for the Lord’s unlimited forgiveness. I have given this book five stars with the caveat that it should only be used for retards. May the infinite blessings of our white Christian Lord and Savior be with you and with your white families.
But the best is from Good Reads:
Hi I am a retard and this was a great read.
I am also an evangelical “christian’, so Jews, Hindus, Muslims, Buddhist, Catholics, and all the other heathens headed to a fiery eternity in hell; well this book can be used by you to know God like me.
You see unlike us Jesus loving evangelicals, all of the rest of the planets 7 billion inhabitance don’t know Jesus or God like us evangelicals. So all 7 billion they are going to get pitch forks in their asses and lava enemas for, well forever!
We evangelicals like this book because it don’t make ya think too hard, and it won’t interfere with our love of incest, guns and war.
Well again if you are a born again evangelical “christian” this is the book for you!
See ya at the local mega church where we can sing and talk in tongues and scare each other to death talking about the devil and sex.
Love – Baby Jesus(less)
• This updated piece first appeared on the Freethinker site on December 26, 2011.