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At last – the space age prayer mat!

At last – the space age prayer mat!

THE sadistic lunatic who decided that Muslims must pray five times a day must have known that the contortions involved would cause all manner of physical problems. Knees are particularly vulnerable:

matWell, now there is a solution. Hop across to Timez5, and you will find a state-of-the-art piece of kit that will allow you to accommodate your nonsensical beliefs in safety and comfort for a mere $360 for the luxury version, or $300 for the lighter version. Here are some testimonials:

mats10Of course, a much more effective solution exists: atheism! It makes no unreasonable demands on your body, vastly improves your mental health, and makes you a much happier and well-adjusted member of society – and it comes completely  FREE OF CHARGE!

 Hat tip: Trevor Blake

27 responses to “At last – the space age prayer mat!”

  1. Broga says:

    What a snip at $360. Five layers, weight absorption and weight transfer. It seems Almighty Allah sent one of these miracles of modern technology to someone but I assume it wasn’t sent for free. Makes landing on that meteorite 360,000,000 miles from earth trivial by comparison.

    What an inconvenient life these praying types must have. Five times a day sticking their butts in the air and praying! Must disrupt so much. I suppose others, less holy, are expected to make up for the time they miss working. What happens when they are knackered and can’t pray? Does Allah excuse that?

  2. Angela_K says:

    Didums, 52% of muslims suffer from knee pain but 100% of muslims cause the rest of the World a giant pain in the arse.

  3. Carlynot says:

    Nasa certified, so if you need to pray in space…..

  4. David Anderson says:

    “When I use the Timez5 prayer mat I never rush to complete my prayers. It also helps my mother have a more comfortable experience.” GUFFAW

    How do we know that’s Imran’s mother? How does he know?

  5. Mr Jones says:

    And it’s made by a Jewish owned company…

  6. L.Long says:

    Hope these guy make a fortune fast.
    Before it gets around that they use pork product to make them!!!

  7. Broga says:

    This mat is a wonderful scam. But it still falls far short of the truly brilliant con trick of the RC Church selling indulgences. They raked in millions by selling nothing. The best ever. They even sold indulgences to the wealthy which excused them when they committed any more sins. So they could steal, rape, murder with impunity. Martin Luther decided that was too much for him to accept.

  8. Barry Duke says:

    Add these special Muslim jeans to the magic carpets and you have a the perfect formula to pass the finishing line to paradise way ahead of the competition: http://www.turkishweekly.net/news/30414/-al-quds-jeans-divide-austrian-muslims.html

  9. Daz says:

    Apparently it’s a “great gift for loved ones.”

    Now, I know what I’d be thinking if a loved one presented me with a device for making kneeling more comfortable…

  10. God is not says:

    Muslims grovel on all fours and kiss the ground, christians drop to their knees and clasp their hands together, jews bow and nod their heads…..I stand upright on my own two feet and look the world in the eye…I am an atheist.

  11. barriejohn says:

    According to the BBC, “God ordered Muslims to pray at five set times of day”. Think I’m making it up?

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/practices/salat.shtml

    Could have been written by Charles Windsor himself!

  12. barriejohn says:

    A religiot and his money are soon parted, as we have seen so often. A gardener’s kneeling pad is available here for £1.80, or in Memory Foam for £16.20:

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kneeling-Mats-Garden-Outdoors/s?ie=UTF8&page=1&rh=n%3A11052671%2Ck%3AKneeling%20Mats

  13. Robster says:

    That Big Al, the god the muslims get all warm and moist over is being discriminatory. The muslims are getting the Space Age Prayer Mat at a special price but there’s no mention of christians and the followers of the thousand other deities on offer at all, none, nothing, zilch. Is this lawful behaviour? As an infidel, do I qualify for a special price too or not? I’m sure I could find something to do with it, ‘specially if it comes with a “Thunderbirds” logo or similar magically imaged on the front. Also, given the Persian love of flying carpets, does the TIMEZ5 have that feature too? It’d be a sales success if it did.

  14. Paul Cook says:

    @Barriejohn

    When I lived in the Middle east, this praying five times a day, gave the impression they were so peaceful, their personal reflection, their love with allah, their ‘inner peace’, were they so relaxed, so at one, but having lived there it was clear there was a problem, it made me question, why oh why, were so many of these people so undeniably aggressive. Five seconds after praying, driving off from the mosque many of these ever so peaceful people became the most incredible road rage filled rabid madmen.

    It is nothing but conditioning. It does not make any one more a person than one who goes to the library five times a day. But, probably the library visitor IS IN FACT, far more peaceful.

  15. barriejohn says:

    Paul Cook: Perhaps their knees hurt!

    My point was that when it comes to religion the BBC seems to abandon all attempts at critical thinking. Where is the evidence that this command came from “God”? Their website is awash with such bullshit, for example this:

    We know more about Jesus than we know about many ancient historical figures, a remarkable fact given the modesty of his upbringing and the humility of his death. Jesus did not grow up in one of the great cities of the ancient world like Rome or even Jerusalem but lived in a Galilean village called Nazareth. He died an appalling, humiliating death by crucifixion, reserved by the Romans for the most contemptible criminals.

    Yes – I’m not making it up, you can read it here:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/history/jesus_1.shtml

    How do they get away with it?

  16. AgentCormac says:

    OT, but I just stumbled across this gem.

    Like me, I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that Cardinal Pell, head of the vatican’s Secretariat for the Economy, has discovered that the holy see’s finances are ‘much healthier than it seemed, because some hundreds of millions of Euros were tucked away in particular sectional accounts and did not appear on the balance sheet.’

    Erm, isn’t that called false accounting? And why on earth would anyone ever think that the rcc, one of the wealthiest institutions in the world, was short of cash? If this is what they’re willing to fess up to owning, we can only wonder at what they are really worth.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-30339699

  17. chrsbol says:

    @AC
    The sistine chapel @ 16 euros a shot, x 5 million visitors a year.
    That’s 80 million euros a year just for that one alone. Add to that all the other guided tours and the shit they sell in those shops around the vatican. Not a bad income from just the Rome end of the machine.

  18. Great Satan says:

    According to the Pope – the koran is a prophetic book of peace ! ; http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2014/dec/1/pope-francis-koran-is-a-prophetic-book-of-peace/

  19. Paul Cook says:

    I think the statistics are wrong.
    100% of Muslims suffer from brain injuries not knee injuries – believing some bloke flew into the clouds on a winged horse qualifies as a brain injury doesn’t it.

  20. Paul Cook says:

    OT
    For Dear Mr Broga
    A consultation for your hated TFTD
    On the Bibble Bashing Corp!

    Hamdullah

    http://www.secularism.org.uk/news/2014/12/new-bbc-consultation-an-opportunity-to-challenge-thought-for-the-day

  21. Broga says:

    @Paul Cook: Thanks for alerting me, Paul. I have just completed the questionnaire and included my comments, temperate to be acceptable to the sensitive souls at the BBC, about Thought for the Day.

  22. AgentCormac says:

    @Broga

    I hope you mentioned Chris Evans’ equally repugnant ‘Pause For Thought’.

  23. Broga says:

    @AgentCormac: I have never heard Chris Evans but I did mention the intrusive and irritating insertions of religion in many programmes. I also pointed out that some, and probably most, of the listeners were at best indifferent to religion. I asked that a non religious contribution which could stimulate interest and thinking should be regularly included in TfTD or the TfTD slot should be dropped as it unbalances the programme.

    This is the BBC so I am not optimistic. They are desperate to cling to TfTD as fake symbol that we are a religious nation.

  24. AgentCormac says:

    @Broga
    Chris Evans has by far and away the most popular breakfast radio show in the UK, with his Radio 2 programme attracting over 9.9 million listeners a week. He frequently makes barely disguised reference to his faith and every single weekday provides three minutes of unchallenged, prime-time airtime to those with a religious agenda, during which they can spout off on any subject they want. As long as it has a ‘moral’ to it.

    Should you wish to familiarise yourself with Evans and his sycophantic adoration of the ‘faith guests’ he welcomes so enthusiastically to his Pause For Thought spot, here’s a link where you can listen to many of them. Enjoy.
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p015nm0y/clips

  25. Broga says:

    @AgentCormac: That will be a Christmas treat for me. Thanks.

    There are other programmes I have never seen, not even once, and which cause me to be regarded by some as having a moral defect. I have never seen:

    Top Gear;
    That programme where they put people in the jungle where they eat snails;
    That dancing programme that had Bruce Forsyth;
    That late night programme where somebody or other interviews celebrities;
    I once watched part of a Michael Parkinson programme which seemed to me to be asking soft questions to film stars so they could publicise their latest film. I thought Parkinson was creepy;

    And many others. I guess I am just lacking in taste.

  26. Cali Ron says:

    The prayer mat maker and Al-Qud jeans maker should hook up with the company that makes the Mormon’s special underwear and make some muslim/mormon underwear, great for all religious occasions. I’m sure Prince Charles would strongly endorse this sign of cooperation between faiths. East meets west. There seems to be no limit to the way the religiots find to take each others money, because, you know, they believe. None are so blind as those who will not see (yes that’s a biblical quote).

  27. AgentCormac says:

    @Broga

    Likewise, I too have never sat through an entire single episode of Top Gear or I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. Nor have I ever watched Britain’s Got Talent, The X Factor, Strictly Come Dancing, Coronation Street or Eastenders. However, on the popular culture front I must admit to finding Gogglebox highly addictive, not least because everyone in it constantly slags off all of the above rubbish.