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God says he wants saggy jeans banned

God says he wants saggy jeans banned

God may have been happy to expose his ‘back parts’ to Moses (Exodus 33:17-23) but he’ll tolerate no imitators.

This we know because an Alabama councilman, Frank Goodman, 66, claims to have consulted the Almighty regarding a problem plaguing the town of Dadeville: saggy jeans.

The buffoon is quoted here as saying:

I prayed and asked God to show me what I should do, and the way I should go about it.

God’s response. apparently, was to tell Goodman to issue an ordinance making it an offence to wear pants at half-mast.

Goodman said:

We have a lot of older people here who don’t want to see it. A lot of middle-aged people don’t want to see it either. They don’t want to see anybody walking around with their pants down with underwear that is showing.

The law might also banish short shorts and skimpy dresses, following a suggestion from a city councilwoman.

Goodman said he first proposed banning saggy pants when he took office in 2008, but the legislation fell by the wayside. Still, he couldn’t take the low-riding pants any longer. Every time he goes to the grocery store or department store, he sees it.

Seeing the young boys with pants hanging down, having to walk wide-legged, holding their pants up to keep them from falling down – now it’s gotten real bad. It’s something I couldn’t take no more.

At a council meeting this month, Goodman explained how drooping denim is “disrespectful”. It’s bad example to children, and bars the wearer from gainful employment. He told his colleagues:

I prayed about this. I know that God would not go around with pants down.

Councilwoman Stephanie Kelley, who suggested outlawing short skirts and shorts too, added:

We just want to make sure people are decent.

Town attorney Robin Reynolds indicated a draft of the saggy pants ordinance would be ready for the next council meeting.

If the council wants me to write in something for the females – it will take a little more creativity on my part.

The proposed legislation has apparently made Dadeville the butt of jokes and some residents aren’t  happy. One woman wrote on the local paper’s Facebook page:

This is getting some national coverage and not in a good way …

Another resident fumed:

So many more issues …  should take priority. Can we ban people from showing crack when they bend over too?

buttcrack

Saggy-pants laws are nothing new in America. Jefferson Davis Parish, Louisiana, passed a similar ordinance last year that carries a $50 fine for first-time offenders and a $100 ticket for each additional violation.

Meanwhile, officials in Ocala, Florida, repealed their saggy-pants ordinance last year after a local NAACP branch threatened the city with a lawsuit, claiming the law was seen as a move to target young black men.

The ordinance – which banned people on city property from wearing pants falling two inches below the waist while exposing underwear or buttocks – carried a penalty of up to $500 and 60 days in jail.

Hat tip: Ivan Bailey

17 responses to “God says he wants saggy jeans banned”

  1. AgentCormac says:

    I wonder if Goodman consulted his Almighty regarding a slightly more pressing problem (you know – war, starvation, poverty, the refugee crisis, something of that ilk) whether his deity might be able to offer up some words of wisdom on that too?

    ‘Frank Goodman calling god. Frank Goodman calling god.’ Nope, I just checked the BBC News website – nothing’s happened yet.

  2. asquith says:

    http://www.newyorker.com/news/amy-davidson/steve-king-and-the-case-of-the-cantaloupe-calves

    Perhaps these two men could get together and bum each other, and then no one else would have to suffer from all that repressed sexuality.

  3. Trevor Blake says:

    “Women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array.” – 1 Timothy 2:9

    I’m sure Mr. Goodman will begin legislation against women who braid their hair any day now. Or, does Mr. Goodman know what God wants better than the authors of the Bible?

  4. Angela_K says:

    Another day, another moron who claims to know what his imaginary friend wants but is really what he wants.

  5. 1859 says:

    ‘I know that God would not go around with pants down.’
    O Yeah!? And how doth thou surmise this? I see god’s bum crack every day in the faces of the religious. One one cheek is written ‘Martyr’ , on the other is written ‘Pious’.

  6. Newspaniard says:

    How does he know that his god wears jeans under his dress?

  7. Graham Martin-Royle says:

    I don’t like seeing people walking around showing their undies. That said, just cos I don’t like it is no reason to ban them from doing it.

  8. Laura Roberts says:

    @Graham: precisely. If you want to look a complete doofus, be my guest. Just don’t expect me to take you seriously.

    Methinks Frank Goodman spends w-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay too much time thinking about young boys’ underwear. Local parents would do well not to let him babysit their kids.

  9. dennis says:

    saggy pants are a generational expression, long hair on the male children of the 60’s caused the same consternation in the older generation and don’t forget the mini-skirt Mr Goodman. oh I forgot you are a product of Alabama. alas my TEXAS has the same disease as you suffer from, sir.

  10. barriejohn says:

    Methinks Frank Goodman spends w-a-a-a-a-a-a-ay too much time thinking about young boys’ underwear. Local parents would do well not to let him babysit their kids.

    Isn’t this a syndrome that we have observed in the ultra-pious before? I saw it all the time when I was a member of the Brethren. Why the obsession over such matters?

  11. Cali Ron says:

    What makes him think his “god” wears any pants at all. My “god”, if I believed in one, would be naked and a mighty sight to see. Why would god need any clothes. Man only put on clothes because poor Eve’s lack of will power caused him to eat that god damned apple and gain knowledge. Apparently the writers of Genesis thought it better to be naked and ignorant than intelligent. Come to think of it, many of his followers are actually still ignorant, just not naked.

  12. Vanity Unfair says:

    2,000 years (give or take) after the last chapters of their holy book were written Christians are still arguing over what it really means and what it tells them about their chosen or imposed deity.
    Yet, there are always those who know for certain just what JHWH’s views are on such minutiae of fashion and behaviour and that they, themselves, are the enforcers of the holy will.
    For what it’s worth, probably a better solution would be to photograph adopters of new fashions and threaten to publicise the pictures at some future solemn occasion. “And before the Prime Minister’s first address to the nation here are some photographs of his/her builder’s cleavage taken earlier.”

  13. Cali Ron says:

    They are all so sure they are right, yet they can’t agree amongst themselves.

  14. Cali Ron says:

    They are all so sure they are right, yet they can’t agree amongst themselves.

  15. Laura Roberts says:

    @barriejohn: oh yes, we do see it all the time, especially Haggard’s Law: denounce homsexuality and you’re likely to get caught with a male prostitute/rent boy.

  16. barriejohn says:

    Laura: we’re not the first to notice it by a long chalk.

    “The lady doth protest too much.”

    Advice which Paula Radcliffe might do well to take to heart.

    PS I’ve just noticed a spelling error in the article: the name of the town should surely be Deadville, not Dadeville!