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Is ‘born-again’ Winston the dog now in the arms of Jesus?

Is ‘born-again’ Winston the dog now in the arms of Jesus?

San Franscisco based Laura Turner, inset, is a writer who regularly contributes to Christianity Today. And, judging from her latest piece entitled ‘How to baptize your dog’, she’s barking mad.

Writing about her Yorkshire Terrier Winston, she said:

When Winston was five or six, the question of his eternal life laid heavy on my heart. Where do dogs go when they die? Is the film All Dogs Go to Heaven making a theological claim?

How would I survive in my large heavenly mansion without that dumb little guy barking at every angel that walked by? So, I decided to do what any rational Christian person would do: I baptized my dog.

Before you get angry and say that I forced him, guess what? I did no such thing! I respected Winston’s conscience and decision-making ability, so I set before him a napkin with an image on it that will be familiar to any long-time evangelical Christian: The Jesus Bridge.

She used the image above, but drew “Dog” on the one side and “God” on the other, saying “Nice symmetry, hmm?”

Next, I asked Winston to place his paw on the cross in the middle – symbolizing Jesus’ sacrificial love bridging the gap between Dog and God – if he accepted Jesus Christ as his personal lord and savior. Lo and behold, his paw moved to the center of the napkin and he looked up at me with large, penitent brown eyes! He was ready.

The final step was the baptism itself, which could be performed by no means other than complete immersion. Luckily, our pool was just the right size for a small dog to be reborn in. I held Winston above the water and he began to doggy paddle with his legs.

I said, ‘In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, I baptize you! and dropped him in the water. He swam to the pool steps and jumped out, washed in the blood of the lamb.

Winston died six years later … It was one of the saddest days of my life. Who knows whether God really lets animals into heaven, but wouldn’t it be just like Him to give us the things in heaven that gave us such joy on earth? Hug your dog today.

I don’t know whether Turner realises it, but Winston could now be enjoying his afterlife as … a pair of shoes!

Yesterday, I discovered that The Meaningful Shoe Company, famous for its atheist shoes, offers a “Go Walkies Forever” service to dog owners who want to turn their deceased pooches into stylish footwear.

45 responses to “Is ‘born-again’ Winston the dog now in the arms of Jesus?”

  1. Stonyground says:

    I don’t want to live on this planet anymore.

  2. Broga says:

    Damn. Missed opportunities. All my dead hounds were just buried under a heap of branches, hedge clippings and cut grass. They don’t even have a cross to mark their graves. I thought that would be an environmentally friendly burial. There is a small pack of them in there now as well as various cats. And they could have been in heaven!

  3. Club Secretary says:

    @Broga says:
    Sat 20 Feb at 1:20 pm

    Aren’t all cats followers of the goddess Bastet?

  4. barriejohn says:

    Have you read the comments? (This is all one comment by Clifton Palmer McLendon):

    To set the record straight:

    Animals are eternal beings, the same as humans.

    Death came into the world because Adam and Eve chose mortality.

    The Savior’s resurrection made death temporary.

    Because none of us — and certainly none of the animals — chose mortality, resurrection is a free gift to all of us, humans and animals alike. No matter what we do or don’t, we will all be resurrected.

    Laura Turner did nothing blameworthy — and certainly nothing sacrilegious — by baptizing Winston. (Winston had no need of baptism, but she didn’t know that.) To the contrary: She is to be commended. She loved Winston — she wanted him to be happy both here and hereafter — so she did all she knew how to do to make that possible.

  5. Broga says:

    @Club Secretary : That’s right. The ancient Egyptians were keen on cats. I’m not a cat fan myself as they are such bird killers. I think that the bird population would flourish if 99% of the cat population went and joined Bastet. However, I have a domestic problem: my wife likes cats.

  6. AgentCormac says:

    ‘I decided to do what any rational Christian person would do…’

    Rational? Hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

  7. Ok but let’s get serious about the theology here. The real question is, do the dogs in heaven fart?

  8. Rob Andrews says:

    She used the image above, but drew “Dog” on the one side and “God” on the other, saying “Nice symmetry, hmm?”

    But it only works in English not in–say Spanish.
    Dog=Perro
    God=Dios

    “Science flies you to the moon;religion flies you into buildings”–Victor Stenger

  9. David Anderson says:

    WTF! She has a swimming pool full of lambs blood.

    Anyway, dogs must go to hell because if that’s where I’m going dogs would make it even more miserable for me, so, QED.

  10. barriejohn says:

    Ophelia: You may laugh, but when I was with the Brethren there were protracted arguments over whether, as believers would have “resurrection bodies”, there would be “waste” in heaven (ie “Will we still shit?”). The mind boggles.

  11. Vanity Unfair says:

    Is it a coincidence that the messages on the Meaningful Shoes site are dated 01/04/15?

  12. CoastalMaineBird says:

    If heaven has Chihuahuas, I don’t want to go.

  13. Brian Jordan says:

    I’m inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and take this to be satirical.

  14. Marcus says:

    @CoastalMaineBird: If heaven has Christians, I don’t want to go.

  15. barriejohn says:

    Vanity Unfair: I’m sure that that item from “Atheist Shoes” is satirical! The following story this morning sort of restored my faith in humanity a little bit:

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-35612405

  16. L.Long says:

    I hate dogs!! Why would I want to spend eternity with the dimwitted things????
    I know they are dim because they like being around people!

  17. chris moffatt says:

    Well I’m sure people are no different from other animals so if we go they all do too. Including mosquitoes and zika viri, slow worms and glow worms and green alligators. There will however be no unicorns.
    As for whether they fart in heaven yes but the farts smell of attar of roses. My doG Sam never farted, or so he told me; whenever there was breakage of wind he looked accusingly either at me or at the cat and left the room.

  18. Barry Duke says:

    Yep BarrieJohn, Atheist Shoes were having an April Fools’ laugh:
    https://youtu.be/uhp-Y0tfuUQ

  19. tonye says:

    My last dog was a black Labrador.

    We all knew she was too clever to fall
    for religion.

    Watch ‘the hunt’ from the original Twilight Zone
    to see how stupid we are.

  20. Rob Andrews says:

    When the Inca chief was about to be executed for ‘blasphamy’ by Pizzaro he was told if he confesse to his sin ,he could “go to heaven”.
    He asked if there “were any Spanish there”?
    The inquizator responded “of course, Spain isa true Xtian country.”.
    “In that case”, said the Inca” I don’t want to go”!

    From what I’ve been told this is a true story.

  21. Justin Badby says:

    Come on you dimshits – dogs do not go to the real heavenly paradise. Have you forgotten that Muslims hate dogs.

  22. Broga says:

    Perhaps the dogs go to heaven and the Muslims don’t. Which would you prefer for company?

  23. Justin Badby says:

    Dogs of course …

  24. Trevor Blake says:

    Another confused person who thinks her religion is a democracy in which she has a vote regarding policy. Meanwhile, the Bible is clear that dogs are an abomination to her God (Leviticus 23:18), and Jesus confirms it (Matthew 5:18-19).

    As an atheist lacking a moral compass, I enjoy the company of pets for their own sake. I don’t have to worry that there’s a ghost inside my pets that needs special ghost-medicine so it can go to ghost-land after it dies. It’s a fine pet all in itself. Unless he’s being naughty.

  25. CoastalMaineBird says:

    dogs are an abomination to her God (Leviticus 23:18)
    My version of Levitations 23:18 concerns how to burn lambs to make a happy odor for the Lord (who knew he had a nose?), but doesn’t mention dogs.

  26. Broga says:

    @Trevor Blake: Dogs: your views reflect my own. Some people like dogs; some don’t. I happen to like them. And I like big dogs e.g. my yellow Labrador.

  27. Marcus says:

    Last night I staggered home drunk
    The ex would have hit me with a frying pan – thunk!
    But Rex … he wasn’t vexed.
    Hark: He leaped upon me with a welcoming bark
    Quite unfazed by the state I was in
    because, like me, he has no concept of sin.

  28. harrynutsak says:

    Making leather shoes out of the skin of your dead pet is about as creepy as it gets.

  29. Dionigi says:

    Sorry can’t find the bits about dogs in my KJB or SAB

  30. bigislandbob says:

    Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk (the “boot”for Brits) of your car for 30 minutes. Which will be delighted to see you when you let them out?

  31. Trevor Blake says:

    Deuteronomy 23:18 “Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God.”

    I mistakenly said Leviticus above.

  32. Laura Roberts says:

    It’s staggering, the amount of effort they put into this nonsense. How much more rewarding their lives would be if they put the same effort into more honest endeavors, like mathematics or medicine. How many lives have been wasted arguing over the number of angels that will fit on the head of a pin?

    Religion: empty calories for the brain.

  33. Angela_K says:

    I was hoping this story about Laura Turner was a spoof but after digging around, it seems to be true. Religious people displaying their stupidity and gullibility with pride – Turner is one sandwich short of a picnic.

    @Broga. Cats do kill birds but not to the extent of the urban myth promulgated by Cat haters. Even the RSPB’s research state that Cats do not have a significant impact on bird decline; millions of birds die naturally or through starvation due to factors effecting their habitat. Cats kill millions of rodents which is no bad thing. I saw a study [may have been on TV] where cameras were attached to about six Cats to show where they went and what they killed over a week, surprisingly they only killed two birds between them.

  34. barriejohn says:

    There’s no accounting for human stupidity:

    https://youtu.be/cdM-LmV0twk

  35. Broga says:

    @Angela_K: Thanks for the reassuring information on cats. Our cat brings very few birds home and they are usually blue tits. My wife says that if the cat didn’t kill some blue tits “we would be knee deep in them.” There may be some truth in this as they crowd the bird feeders. The cat kills the occasional rat and regularly brings home a half grown rabbit.

    We love birds around us. Red Kites are usual and buzzards a daily sight. A heron, with its fearsome beak, sometimes sits at the edge of the pond. A barn owl visits the barn and we have put up a box for it. Last summer a sparrow hawk caused mayhem amongst the many birds nesting in the barn. I like the idea that birds are descended from dinosaurs. I’ve failed to get on topic with this – sorry.

  36. Angela_K says:

    @Broga. I hope I didn’t offend. I get a bit annoyed when Cats get unfairly blamed. You may wish to know that the decline in ground nesting birds and Hedgehogs is due to the increase in Badger numbers, although the Badger huggers would never admit that. We too are lucky that we frequently see Owls [lovely birds] with one sitting on top of the electricity pole outside our house screeching away – terrifies our Cats.

  37. Daz says:

    If the dogs are in Heaven, the cats must be in Hell. But in order for the mice to have a Hell, the cats must be in Heaven. Therefore Heaven and Hell are logically impossible.

  38. AgentCormac says:

    If my youngest dog gets to the pearly gates I hope St Peter knows what he’s letting himself in for – 35 kilos of ‘I want to rip your face off’ bearing down on you is not something to savour. Ask our postman. Or the elderly nun who knocked at the door last summer (an incident we try not to think about any more).

  39. Broga says:

    @Angela_K : I never see a hedgehog now. In my youth they were common. Interesting to hear about badgers.

  40. Peter Sykes says:

    Broga:
    Cats do kill lots of birds but twice as many die by flying into windows, so you going to get rid of your windows?

  41. Broga says:

    @Peter Sykes: Oh dear! One bird problem after another. I can’t handle this. I think I will try prayer. On which subject I heard a Christian asking “everyone” to pray for the very ill Paul Daniels.

  42. Angela_K says:

    Nice one Daz. That is a classic example of religious “reasoning”that we fight against.

  43. AgentCormac says:

    ‘I heard a Christian asking “everyone” to pray for the very ill Paul Daniels.’

    Now that’s tragic!

  44. Cali Ron says:

    She’s “barking at the moon ” mad. An extreme case of dogged religious delusion, dog gone it.

    Favorite religion/dog line: Religion is a smile on a dog.

  45. Cali Ron says:

    There once was a dog from Barnet
    Who to the baptismal was sent
    He didn’t mind
    And left a steamy present behind
    But the priest had a fit when he stepped in it