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Priest appointed to help stressed Russian athletes

Priest appointed to help stressed Russian athletes

Russians athletes who were cleared to participate in the Olympic Games in Brazil following a major doping scandal are not having a great time in Rio, despite having been blessed by a walking, talking Christmas tree better known as His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia, above.

According to the Chicago Tribune:

The Russians, like characters from any garden-variety Cold War movie, are cast in the role of the villains at the Rio Olympics. During the first three days of competition, they have competed under the suspicion of fellow athletes and under the derision of otherwise neutral fans. More than 100 Russian athletes were banished from the Games because of their ties to a state-sanctioned doping program; the 270 or so who were cleared and are here to compete have encountered open hostility.

Heavens to Betsy, they’ve even been booed!

Bring on Archpriest Andrey Alexeyev, rector of the Church of St Dmitry Donskoy in Severnoye Butovo, south of Moscow.

Alexeyev, according to this report, been appointed “father-confessor” to the Russian Olympic team. He declared:

I have an inner demand to share with you a piece of unexpected news that His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia appointed me a father-confessor of the Russian Olympic team during their stay in Rio de Janeiro.

Alexeyev said that members of the Russian team have experienced:

Great stress in connection with the notorious developments, which certainly exceeded sport grounds.

The priest urged parishioners to pray for Russian athletes:

Who will have to go through difficult trials. Our task is to support them in this complicated affair.

Earlier Patriarch Kirill met with Russian athletes and conducted a special prayer service for them in the Assumption Cathedral in the Kremlin.

A site called “Last news from Russia” adds that Muslims are also fervently head-butting their magic carpets for the athletes.

20 responses to “Priest appointed to help stressed Russian athletes”

  1. Broga says:

    “Great stress in connection with the notorious developments, which certainly exceeded sport grounds.”

    His statements seem a bit opaque. I assume the notorious developments refers to the use of drugs to win and thus cheat honest athletes out of medals. I don’t know what the latter part of the statement means.

    I don’t think prayers will help. The remorse only comes with exposure. If they had not been exposed the cheating would have continued.

  2. AgentCormac says:

    Let’s see just how many medals the pantomime clown, with his candles, his incense, his invocations and his devotion to a non-existant magic man, manage to rack up for the disgraced Russian team. My betting is not that many. And behind it all is, of course, Putin. A man who like so many of his ilk before him knows only too well the power of superstition and how to harness it for his own political ends. Dictators and religious charlatans do make such good bed fellows. Maybe they should be awarded a gold medal for their contribution to the impediment of human development.

  3. L.Long says:

    Stress!! Drugs or booze works better than any preacher!!!

  4. Neil says:

    What a poisonous combination – Putin and Kirill.

    And what the fuck does Kirill think he looks like. To steal the words of the late great C Hitchens, Kirill is an Overdressed Ponce. What a nasty fucking prick … my own words.

    Some years ago the humble servant of god, Kirill, was found out wearing a very expensive timepiece. It had been photoshopped from his wrist but the photoshopper had overlooked to remove the relection of the expensive piece of bling.

  5. Cali Ron says:

    The whole Russian teem should have been banned from the games. The cheating was state sponsored and encompassed the whole team and every sport, a reflection of Putin and the rampant corruption he has brought back to Russia. The fact that so many Russian athletes are still competing just shows that the level of corruption in the Olympic organization is just as bad as in FIFA.

    Putin seems to be growing very fond of trotting out His Holi-less patri-ass Kirill of Moscow and Russia to bless anyone representing Russia. Sorry Putin, all the blessings in Russian won’t make you any less of a megalomaniac, despotic dictator.

  6. Neil says:

    Here is the article re Kirills expensive timepiece and the lies he told.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2126092/Watch-closely-Russian-church-apologises-Photoshop-fail-20-000-timepiece-disappears-wrist-Patriarch.html

    I’m just waiting patiently for several of the participating Russian Dopeletes to fail a doping test at the Olympics.

  7. RussellW says:

    Well, I’ve always regarded the Olympics as a complete circus and a waste of taxpayers’ money. Apparently in confirmation, the clowns have finally appeared led by his gaudiness patriarch Kiril.

  8. Vanity Unfair says:

    I have an idea. Athletes should be allowed to take any drugs they, their trainers or their governments want to offer them.
    There is a catch. The drugs have to be prepared by a registered homoeopath, who would have been given special dispensation to provide this service, at a potency (dilution) of 13C. In this state there is, statistically, less chance of there being any active ingredient being present than of its presence in 100ml. of solution. It cannot be detected by any known test. Yet, because homoeopathy works, right, the athletes will have the full benefit of the drug without side-effects.
    Result: everybody is satisfied and there is no need to take large amounts of potentially damaging drugs.

  9. Trevor Blake says:

    Stress – a secular term for a secular concept used by those offering secular help for secular problems. But religion is ever ready to grab food of the table and claim it as its own. Religion always claims the triumphs of secular thought and action, then recasts it as part of their faith.

    For those athletes who may be innocent of the charges and are still banned, and those who are not able to perform with their mates, my sympathy. For those athletes on any team who give their all then think prayer will help, I can at minimum that so far prayer has a 100% failure rate but perhaps you’ll be the lucky one.

  10. Robster says:

    Aren’t those Kirill little wee marine life things the whales eat? They too have impressive heads with things that stick out and lots of stripes, at least the ones in one of those animated movies, might have been Happy Feet. Certainly made more sense than this weird looking twit.

  11. barriejohn says:

    Robster: Every time I see that name I read “krill”. There is a definite similarity, and krill also have minute brains, but they do serve a useful purpose, so there is a fundamental difference between the two species.

    https://whalesandmarinefauna.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/krill.jpg

    PS I hope no one finds my observations too trite; I’ve been reading the Beano again!

  12. drat says:

    If kirill’s power is so great why did the russians resort to drugs anyway. And if kirill can give such advantage he should be declared as a banned substance.

  13. barriejohn says:

    @drat: Well, he certainly gets up MY nose!

  14. Broga says:

    @RussellW : I regard the Olympics as an over hyped load of bollocks. The hysterical comments of the hordes of licence fee funded BBC commentators telling us something we have just seen is “unbelievable” adds to the nonsense. I soon stopped watching apart from Tom Daley’s diving.

  15. barriejohn says:

    Broga: I don’t understand why commentators should be cheering on any particular team (not that I watch it anyway), but what really gets my goat is that not only is this drivel headline news on BBC News, but the newsreaders practically wet their knickers when a British athlete does well. Shouldn’t they all be impartial?

  16. tonye says:

    I feel a wee bit sorry for the Russian athletes.

    On the one hand they risk long term brain damage from toxic ingestion and on the other hand the risk from steroids!

  17. RussellW says:

    @Broga,

    Agreed. Most mass entertainment is just an ‘over hyped load of bollocks’. What I resent is the amount of hard earned taxpayers’ money that is wasted in the Olympics which is essentially a scam by vested interests—private profits, public losses. I don’t know about the situation in the UK, but here in Australia millions of dollars are squandered on the production of elite athletes, it’s a scandal. However politicians understand that the ‘bread and circuses’ policy is still effective after 2000 years. Of course millions of people really think that Olympic success is an indication of national prestige, so the circus will continue.
    Every time a competitor wins a medal, I can’t help wondering how much it cost the taxpayers.

  18. barriejohn says:

    RussellW: Every time I go into my branch of Santander I am confronted by the smirking physog of Jessica Ennis, whose enviable lifestyle I am involuntarily supporting. A little while back she bought a million-pound house, yet she’s only about thirty years of age, and has never, to my knowledge, worked in her life. Santander Everyday Saver pays 0.25%.

  19. RussellW says:

    Agreed. Even if the Olympics were privatised, as they should be, the public, as consumers, would still be stuck with at least part of the bill.