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Wizard fell to earth after his ‘spiritual Google map’ failed

Wizard fell to earth after his ‘spiritual Google map’ failed

A naked man found in the fortified grounds of a church in Benin claimed that he had fallen to earth when his ‘spiritual Google map’ stopped working.

According to this report, he told church workers who found him at the City Gate Church in Benin that he was a wizard on a flight from Delta state, and that he was on an “unknown” assignment.

He found his course diverted, and when he got to Ring Road, Benin, he hovered around the area before crash landing “butt naked” in the church grounds.

When interrogated, the man confessed he was a wizard from Delta state but that he was willing to give his life to Christ following what he called his “arrest”.

His account has to be true because church officials said the the church gate, which is very high and fortified with razor sharp barbed wire, had been locked the previous day.

Hat tip: Leo Igwe

15 responses to “Wizard fell to earth after his ‘spiritual Google map’ failed”

  1. Spot says:

    Frigging nutter … so he should be fit in really well at the city gate church. Or maybe he came very close to being disturbed in flagrante with the priest and had to invent an alibi on the fly.

  2. Daz says:

    I believe him. Why, just the other day, I saw a naked Roy Wood (of Wizard fame—see what I did there? Oh, I’m good!), gliding in to land at Bristol airport.

  3. AgentCormac says:

    In rather less amusing news:

    Staggeringly, stupifyingly bad news actually, Daz.

    As for Roy Wood, loved ‘Blackberry Way’, etc. when he was with The Move, and ‘I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day’ was definitely a better novelty record than Slade’s ‘Merry Christmas Everybody’.

    Oh no – I’ve just used the ‘C’ word!!! Twice. In September. Damn it! If only that trite, tiresome, hackneyed annual interuption to everyday normal service could be held once every decade instead of every year there might be one person on the planet who might actually look forward to it.

    Don’t know about you guys, but there is nobody I know (regardless of their views on religion) who looks forward to our annual season of excess which keeps manipulative kids happy and meet a needless, marketing-led pressure to prove that each of us, somehow, has the means to waste so, so much money that we really could have done without spending.

    Rant over. But I hate xmas. With a vengeance.

  4. barriejohn says:

    When he hit the deck, would that have been what RAF types referred to as a “wizard prang”?

  5. Daz says:

    barriejohn

    Just think if he’d landed on the razor-wire fence…

    Come to think of it, why on Earth does a church need one? Are there dastardly gangs of hassock-thieves, perhaps?

  6. barriejohn says:

    The church was founded by Rev Prophet Ojo Agge. His English leaves much to be desired, but he seems very publicity-conscious:

    ABOUT CITYGATE

    why living? if you can’t positively affect your neighbor’s life. for no person is poor, every one has something to give to another, for without money, the so-called poverty can not be managed too. support the indigent and be a willing GIVER. Shout I am rich. SHALOM!

    https://www.facebook.com/akhigbeagge

  7. barriejohn says:

    Daz: When I was in my twenties, one of the Brethren got into serious hot water when he pointed out the irony of the elders having “WELCOME” in large letters over the front door of the Gospel Hall, and deciding that we needed barbed wire on the wall to keep the local kids out. I’ve never forgotten that little episode!

  8. CoastalMaineBird says:

    he was willing to give his life to Christ
    … and Christ said “Go sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.”

  9. Broga says:

    His google map failed. That’s unacceptable. He should sue google.

  10. We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Benin. As for Winterval (hi lefties), the earliest mention of Father Christmas (Pere Noel) is found in a rondeau by Adam de la Halle (c.1237-c.1288), one of my favourite composers. As for Roy Wood, his solo work is better than his other stuff in my ultra-humble opinion. I particularly like ‘My Dear Elaine’, though the best piece of music ever written is of course ‘Sus une fontayne’ by Jonannes Ciconia (c1370-1412). Why oh why did music have to go into such decline after 1480?

  11. Dave H says:

    ‘But I hate xmas. With a vengeance’
    If you hate it, you are afraid of it. Enjoy the solstice and true free thinkers should rise above all that crap which comes along with xmas.

  12. Peter Sykes says:

    The fact that Leo Igwe visits this site I think is brilliant!
    Hello Leo!

  13. Peter Sykes says:

    AgentCormac:
    Me and a bunch of friends have an “orphan’s xmas”.
    All freethinkers who have ‘lost’ our mums/dads.
    Lots of Champagne n stuff…
    Recommend!

  14. barriejohn says:

    Leo Igwe is a true hero – unlike those paraded on the pages of the popular press.

    I have to say that I hated Christmas when I was a Christian, due to the conflict that the celebrations caused (the Brethren frowned upon Christmas trees and tinsel, but took advantage of yet another “opportunity” to spread the Gospel), but I love the season now, as I can genuinely celebrate the Winter Solstice (I DO hate the winter!!), and feel a connection with our ancestors, who rejoiced at the fact that the sun had ceased his decline and had not abandoned them to the cold and darkness!