Pastafarian gives Melbourne’s ‘hellfire’ bikes a make-over

Pastafarian gives Melbourne’s ‘hellfire’ bikes a make-over

Bicycles used by an evangelical group to put fear of eternal damnation into the good folk of Melbourne have attracted the attention of Pastarian I G McSporran, pictured above, who decided to wage war on the hellfire messages with posters of his own.

McSporran is quoted as saying in this report:

Someone is stealing a public resource to promote a religious ideology. It’s simply wrong. They’re a cancer on our city, just horrible things.

That “someone” is a religiot who asked to identified only as “Barry”. He says he belongs to what he claims is a small collective of unseen evangelists.

“Barry” disputes that the displays are a misuse of bike racks.

I spoke to one nice man at the council and he just said he’d like to see them moved [around the city] more often. They were rideable when I first took them to the city … We have as much right as anyone else to park at a public bike rack.

One of bikes fused to a hoop by evangelist “Barry”

McSporran began his anti-Barry crusade simply as a means of promoting a crowdfunding campaign for his custom-made wearable colanders, and almost immediately got labelled as a hero by online fans fed up with seeing the religious slogans around the city.

He said:

I’m taking the force of the key words and trying to make them into something amusing. I’m satirising it. I don’t want to be disparaging or offend anybody.

He has set up an interactive map which allows bike-spotters to help him find all the latest locations.

I G McSporran pictured on his crowdfunding site

Despite the attention he’s getting for his efforts, he expressed no interest in speaking to cycle evangelist “Barry” face-to-face.

I imagine that his mind is like his locks – reinforced with concrete.

He was alluding to that fact that “Barry” fuses the bikes to public bike racks with homemade locks.

Any time one of the bikes is removed by the authorities another one pops up overnight. There are about 12 locked to public racks at any one time.

McSporran said:

I can’t imagine why the council continues to allow this to happen.

Despite the contact details displayed on many of the placards, City of Melbourne Senior Media Advisor David King said it was difficult to determine the owners of bicycles.

It is not possible for Council to fine people for illegitimate bike hoop parking. Council will take steps to remove any bike that is deemed unrideable or parked for illegitimate purposes from our bike hoops once we are made aware.

8 responses to “Pastafarian gives Melbourne’s ‘hellfire’ bikes a make-over”

  1. A bike attached to a bike hoop in a non-removable way is no longer rideable. Just saying…

  2. L.Long says:

    He better be careful, he is not a protected & privileged religion so the gov’mint could come down pretty hard!!!

  3. barriejohn says:


    Well, that’s what it appears to say!

  4. 1859 says:

    ‘Jesus, Jesus give me your answer do,
    I’m so crazy all for the love of you……’

    There are no bicycles mentioned anywhere in the bibble….
    I agree with Mr McSporran, to do this the culprit’s mind must be tragically so fossilised he sees his condition as a gift from god.

  5. Cali Ron says:

    barriejohn: I thought that’s what it said until I read your comment and then noticed the partly missing ‘r’. It made sense to me. I am giving one to their god-one finger pointed skyward surrounded on both sides by 2 more.

  6. barriejohn says:

    And all this “street evangelism” is so successful, isn’t it? You’d think they’d get the message, and realize that a different approach is necesssary, but I can tell you from personal experience that even when those who share their views advise them about this they meet with obdurate resistance!

  7. andym says:

    That’s what I thought. What actually do they think it will achieve? Other than making them look a bit silly? Basically they are saying, “we are weirdos, come and join us!” It’s probably got more to do with them finding an outlet for their frustration and powerlessness.
    People are increasingly seeing Christians like Morris Dancers. They don’t want to participate in it, but accept that some do.They find the people who do mildly eccentric, and certainly don’t think participants should be respected more or accorded privileges. Trouble is , I don’t think they fully realise what privileges being a Morris Dancer for God still accords.

  8. barriejohn says:

    @andym: Years ago, an organization called Gospel Literature Outreach visited our church, with a small team of young people led by a more experienced evangelist. They visited every home on the local council estates, but merely left a leaflet, and reply paid postcard for those who were interested. We had had years of “open -air witness” and “door-to-door work”, generally making a nuisance of ourselves with little result, and they were very successful. Do you think that the older brethren got the message? No, THEIR methods were better – and “scriptural”! “Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the Word of God” – not reply-paid postcards. “We are saved by the foolishness of preaching ” – not by “literature work”. When a couple of the youngsters wanted to stay on and continue their work they were given the cold shoulder. That’s the sort of attitude that any “progressive” Christians are up against, and the reason that churches are empty. I suppose that rationalists should be happy about this, really, but it’s the reason that our laws lag behind human rights demands, as anyone who watches The Big Questions will soon realize.