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Woman weds Jesus but the groom was otherwise tied up

Woman weds Jesus but the groom was otherwise tied up

Catholics do stoopid on a scale few other religions can match. This was most recently demonstrated in Fort Wayne when Jessica Hayes, 38 – ‘a beloved theology’ teacher at Bishop Dwenger High School – took Jesus Christ to be her awful lawful wedded husband.

Jesus, who apparently had better things to do than attend this silly charade – was notably absent when Bishop Kevin C Rhoades, of St Vincent de Paul Parish, said in a homily:

God has called Jessica to be more closely united to Himself and to be dedicated to the service of the Church. It is God who gives the grace of virginity. He gave this grace to the young woman of Nazareth, to Mary, who was inspired by the Holy Spirit to choose the life of virginity. Mary made a personal decision in faith to remain a virgin, to offer her heart to the Lord. She wanted to be His faithful bride.

Thus, Mary became the model for all those who have chosen to serve the Lord with an undivided heart in virginity. It seems most appropriate that Jessica gives herself totally to Jesus, is consecrated to a life of virginity, on a feast of Our Lady, who gave herself totally to God as the virgin handmaid of the Lord.

 

After much more gobbledegook, chanting, chicanery, humbug, blather and posturing by men in frocks, Hayes was asked:

To declare her resolution to persevere in the holy state of virginity as a bride of Christ, a witness to God’s love, and a sign of the kingdom of heaven.

She responded by saying:

Father, receive my resolution to follow Christ in a life of perfect chastity which, with God’s help, I here profess before you and God’s holy people.

Her weddings presents included a veil, a ring and book of the Liturgy of the Hours.

Sara Rasher wrote here:

Part of me  … wonders if Hayes’ decision has to do with her own sexuality. It’s none of my business, of course, but the Church has never been comfortable with anything beyond the one-man, one-woman, in-marriage bond. I’m curious how many women who become ‘consecrated virgins’ would be in a same-sex relationship, or part of the growing asexual pride movement, if they weren’t tied to Catholicism.

That said, if publicly declaring her virginity makes Jessica Hayes happy, then that’s great for her. It’s just not a path I see other women, even Catholic ones, following.

There is one upside to this kind of marriage, though: If Hayes ever gets a divorce, it’s going to be the greatest celebration *ever*.

Rasher pointed out that Hayes is one of only a few hundred in the United States and a few thousand worldwide who have become “consecrated virgins”.

Ahead of her wedding, Mrs-Jesus-Christ-to-be said:

I will give my fiat at the hands of my bishop, allowing Christ to take possession of me in an entirely new way, as his bride. The rest of my life is transformed by this union that does not dissolve even in death; I will spend it growing in the knowledge and love of my Divine Spouse, who makes all things new.

Hayes is the only “consecrated virgin” living in Diocese of Fort Wayne-South Bend. The last one in the area, Sister M Jane Carew, was consecrated on December 8, 1990. She snuffed it on on July 13, 2012.

According to dating site OkCupid, 14.8 percent of folk in Indiana are virgins. Utah is America’s hotbed of virginity (19.78 percent) while in Vermont they’re at it like rabbits (9.2 percent).

41 responses to “Woman weds Jesus but the groom was otherwise tied up”

  1. Broga says:

    “Mary, who was inspired by the Holy Spirit to choose the life of virginity. Mary made a personal decision in faith to remain a virgin”

    What did Joseph think of this? Was he consulted? Or did Mary have a headache every night including on the honeymoon.

    Jessica Hayes is either deluded or an exhibitionist. Will all the attention, particularly from the men in ornate frocks, compensate for the years of celibate frustration? What a sad business; a religious pantomime beyond embarrassing.

  2. L.Long says:

    What do you expect from a religion that believes a piece of cracker can be changed into the meat of a human/alien hybrid!

  3. sailor1031 says:

    Broga: why would one assume that her vow of “perfect chastity” is any more binding than the celibacy vows of those men in frocks around her? Once out of sight of the cameras……Katie bar the door!

  4. Broga says:

    Sailor1031: Indeed. She can have her cake and eat it as have so many before her. I can’t remember the details but some priest, revered because of his stigmata, was know to have cut his hands secretly. A saintly nun, allegedly living without eating, was seen slipping secretly to the kitchen. And then we have the hypocrisy of Mother Theresa, en route to sainthood, who embraced poverty while enjoying first class travel.

  5. RussellW says:

    It’s all St Paul’s fault, if he’d been run over by a speeding chariot we, in the West, would have been spared all this barking mad nonsense. The Jesus cult would have
    died out.

    So, the Quran is wrong, it’s Jesus who gets all the virgins.

  6. StephenJP says:

    Virgin on the ridiculous.

    She is 38, a theology teacher in a high school, and still a virgin. She reminds me of some of the characters in the novels of Thackeray or Trollope: old maids, on the shelf, resigned to spending their lives doing “good works”. Shame: she could surely find a good man (like, indeed, some of Trollope’s or Thackeray’s other characters) if she tried.

  7. StephenJP says:

    An afterthought: why does an American High School, even in Indiana (is it?) need a teacher of “theology” (instead of Religious Education, or Studies, or whatever you call it). I infer from the article that it is an RC gaff. Does that absolve it from laws about keeping religion out of the classroom?

  8. tonye says:

    @StephenJP

    I would not be surprised, in later life, if this lady goes a bit ‘Miss Havisham.’

    https://youtu.be/oKL3dJo0fkU

    Sad.

  9. Daz says:

    Apparently it was quite common in the middle ages for women, particularly nuns, to have erotic dreams… sorry, I mean of course “visions,” of sexual and romantic encounters with Jesus.

  10. Richard W says:

    Was the groom tied up? I heard he was hanging around somewhere and feeling a bit cross about it.

  11. Ray says:

    Squalid.

  12. barriejohn says:

    God has called Jessica to be more closely united to Himself and to be dedicated to the service of the Church.

    In other words, she’s mentally ill. At first I thought this was funny; then I felt sorry for these deluded idiots; now I feel angry that the clergy and their enablers have encouraged a deeply disturbed and vulnerable woman in her delusion. No, she won’t be having her cake and eating it because, like our queen, she REALLY believes all this nonsense (unlike many others in the Church), and will be forced to honour these stupid “vows” that they have so shamelessly encouraged her to take just for the sake of a bit of publicity and attention. And quite apart from the question of the teaching of “theology” in a school, is a person like this fit to be put in front of a class of impressionable children? The mind boggles.

  13. barriejohn says:

    Barry: This story is actually a couple of years old. There are several videos about it on YouTube.

    https://youtu.be/arDJOJUNLh0

    The woman is clearly nuts, but is being encouraged in her stupidity by the clergy, just as I was years ago, because it suits their own ends. Maybe that’s one reason why it makes me so angry.

    Comment: Jesus was a no show, how embarrasing

  14. Ray says:

    Such ostentatious modesty and opulent humility. Shouldn’t this kind of thing be done in a more christian manner … quietly, simply and in private?

    Would it not have been more fitting to just be a plain simple ordinary nun?

    No of course not … the whole point is get the story into the media for the aggrandisement of the catholic church.

    Look at that dress. And what about the underwear. Janet Reger racy lacy thong, suspenders, stockings and bra. I expect the bride is wearing something more tasteful though. Maybe Mother Theresa brand hessian bloomers with priest proof reinforced heavily padded anti tamper gusset replete with buckled leather straps and embroidered with dire warnings of hell fire punishment to any randy priest who gets his creepy face down there.

    And how did they know she is a virgin? Do the clerics do an examination to check for intact hymen? And can you imagine the ceremony and priestly drooling attached to that. But I imagine that job is given to a bunch of frigid nuns poking around intensely keen to find any minute trace of sexual activity.

    The whole thing is unhealthy and deviant. Squalid.

  15. barriejohn says:

    Ray: Well said, but the Church no longer teaches that nuns are “wed” to Jesus. However, what it does teach is that the Church itself is the “Bride of Christ”, as the New Testament states. This begs the question whether this ceremony had ANY validity at all, and how on earth the higher powers could have allowed it.

  16. Ray says:

    What does her mother think? No grandchildren to fuss and dote over. Well for me that’s a good thing … a few less potential catholics to infest the place.

  17. tonye says:

    Daz,

    That reminds me of a short movie, that was banned in the UK for over 20 years, called ‘Visions of Ecstasy’.

    It was banned on blasphemy grounds as it depicted Saint Teresa of Avila having erotic dreams about Jesus.

    Very tame movie by today’s standards.

  18. If Mary remained a virgin, who gave birth to Jesus’s brother James and who was James’ father? God again?

  19. Angela_K says:

    Clearly this deluded woman has a mental illness and it is quite revolting that she has been exploited by the ridiculous men in their fine, expensive frocks.Various religions are always quick to target the vulnerable and ensnare them into their cults, the homeless, drug addicts and alcoholics are ripe for the picking.

  20. Daz says:

    @William Hounslow

    Traditionally, I believe, Jesus’s siblings have been explained away as being his cousins or as Joseph’s children by a previous marriage.

  21. barriejohn says:

    Talking about “ensnaring people into their cults”: while I was sitting in our doctors’ surgery on Friday I had a look at the latest parish magazine, and Revd Peter has been busy in the local schools again, as they all “celebrated” the Resurrection. He had a “smoke machine” that demonstrated to them just how Jesus ascended into the sky and disappeared (I am NOT making this up!), and then they all went outside and blew bubbles to make it even more clear to them. I’m fucking gobsmacked. How on earth can the government allow this nonsense to go on right under their noses?

  22. remigius says:

    Daz, I’m not buying those explanations. Jesus did have cousins, such as Headless John, but he wasn’t referred to as his brother.

    And Jesus’ brother James was called ‘James the Less’ – literally ‘Little Jimmy’. This would imply that he was younger than Jesus, thus not a sprouting from an earlier marriage. The most plausible explanation for Jesus’ ‘brothers’ has already been covered here…

    http://freethinker.co.uk/2017/02/05/spanish-nun-sparks-fury-by-claiming-mary-was-not-a-virgin/#comment-252576

  23. remigius says:

    barriejohn, you pointed out that this story is several years old. I also noticed that she gave her car to the church…

    ‘I will give my fiat at the hands of my bishop’

    I wonder if it was that same one the Pope used when he toured the US?

    http://wardsauto.com/site-files/wardsauto.com/files/uploads/2015/10/Pope%20Fiat_Getty.jpg

  24. Angela_K says:

    @Barriejohn. Interesting you should mention your Parish Magazine. My village Parish mag. and the nearby village where my business is based both have many pages devoted to happenings in the church, always accompanied by some fatuous and patronising sermon presented as fact. A number of years ago I enquired of advertising costs and asked how much the church pays for their monthly four or five pages and was told that the church doesn’t pay , so I decided neither shall I.

  25. barriejohn says:

    Remigius: If so, they are not following scriptural practice, as has been pointed out before. Jephthah said: “When I return in Triumph from the Ammonites” (Judges 11:31).

  26. Broga says:

    The absurdities pointed out here are why the churches will never allow a priest to be questioned on TV by an atheist. Nor will they permit a debate about such issues. Instead TV, particularly the BBC, deluges its licence fee paying audience with absurdities and banalities proclaimed as facts.

    A bishop being questioned by, or even in discussion with, an articulate atheist would be a fascinating programme. Dream on.

  27. Jobrag says:

    I wonder how many other women have “married” Christ, it probably makes him a polygamist on a scale that would make a Mormon blush.

  28. barriejohn says:

    Broga: According to the BBC, Princess Diana was a devout believer. I can’t wait for next week’s exciting Songs of Praise special – Aled Jones is appearing!

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/08/20/songs-praise-special-princess-diana-suggest-had-christian-faith/

    Any suggestions for suitable hymns?

  29. Broga says:

    barriejohn: With Aled Jones presenting that Songs of Praise will be tacky. The glutinous sentimentality, allied to the usual bullshit about faith and the moral actions claimed to follow from it, would make it hard going.

    Why should anyone care, or be influenced by, what Di believed? She wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. I assume there will be many inferences drawn by Saint Alec from Di’s actions. They will all confirm her faith.

  30. Vanity Unfair says:

    Matthew 6:5-6
    5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
    6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

  31. Jobrag says:

    The only person who knew how devout or not Di was, died as the result of a car crash in Paris. The only certainty is that God wasn’t taking care of her at the time.

  32. remigius says:

    ‘Any suggestions for suitable hymns?’

    Make Me A Chanel Oeuvre Piece.

  33. Broga says:

    “All things bright and beautiful” in the revised and improved version as a reality check.

  34. CoastalMaineBird says:

    only a few hundred in the United States and a few thousand worldwide who have become “consecrated virgins”.
    Hmmm. Are they all “married to Jeezus” ?
    So much for “one man, one woman”…

  35. John the Drunkard says:

    Gee, I was a virgin once. I don’t recall any special ‘consecration’ being required.

  36. Cali Ron says:

    Left alone at the altar by the almighty, the ultimate rejection. Poor woman got fuck ed (my phone keeps putting a space between k and e) by the clergy, but never got fuck ed. So much for Jesus’ love.

  37. Robster says:

    One good thing regards marrying the magic Jew I ‘spose, divorce proceedings will be very simple.Groom will be a no show, guaranteed.

  38. remigius says:

    ‘…divorce proceedings will be very simple.’

    Robster, on the contrary. The fact that the husband is imaginary makes any divorce very difficult.

    Under Catholic Canon Law a marriage that has gone through a ceremony, but not consummated, is classed as ratum sed non consummatum. A divorce to nullify such a marriage cannot be granted. The only remedy is a personal dispensation from the Pope – and he is unlikely to do that on account of the ‘husband’ being his boss.

    And he’d be obliged to give the car back!

    http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG1104/_P6R.HTM

  39. Cali Ron says:

    Not the popes wheels man. How’s he gonna spread all that underage boy love without wheels. I heard the pope-mobile is powered by holy relics and gets 100 miles per relic, 150 if the relic is a human part. Good thing there’s plenty of Jesus’ cross splinters and nails in the Vatican vaults, as well as horrific body parts. A saints virgin penis gets 500 miles per relic, but so far none have been found that were virgins.